“What’s your definition of scary cold?”


I’m back in Sioux Falls.  We had a thunder blizzard last night.  It felt pre-apocalyptic, but I was overwhelmed at the time, (so assume a minor adjustment for reality.)   I’m sure I’ve mentioned how thunder freaks me out, (beyond my ability to pretend I’m fine.)  Strong gusts of wind against my improperly weatherized balcony doors made it worse.  The howling wind in my living room was creepy.

Today there’s a layer of ice covering everything, including my windows.  It’s as if it rained sideways, froze, then snowed.  I opened my balcony doors to have a look because the windows provide a trippy view.  It took lots of effort to open them.  Then after gawking for a bit, I struggled to close them again.  I had to dig through two feet of snow to step outside.

It’s supposed to snow all day, then twice more next week.  Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow shiver this year, I guess.  I’ve already determined my next travel destination:  Northeast to visit my sister.  It’ll be both visit and tech consultation.  I send her my former gadgets, knowing she’ll pass along whatever doesn’t interest her.  She’s repeatedly surprised me with her interest and eagerness to learn.


I’ve made the drive before, and there are only three turns.  Heh.  It’ll be soonish (before my sister leaves for her summer place.)  I’m a bit leery of my niece who she’ll be visiting afterward, (her oldest kid.)   I still have the occasional nightmare of her beating me up.  She punches like Miss Sophia in The Color Purple, (and from a similar training ground.)  She knocked me out when I came home from basic training for Christmas.  (Just to remind me of my place in her world.)

My sister has that toughness in her, too.  But she uses it to endure rather than bully.  I’ve only seen her be violent to a brown bear who invaded our camp.  She calmly pelted it with rocks until it fled.  😂  I’m going to teach her a bit of Photoshop and lots of tutorial links since she has a DSLR camera.  I’m also going to give her my 25-key Novation midi keyboard to try some music apps on the iPad.  And a keynote presentation on why she needs to get broadband.  She uses her iPhone for all things interweb.  (!!!)

I probably have a Wacom tablet in my retired gadgets closet.  I’d like to see her embrace her creativity digitally.  I love teaching tech to people who are older than me.  They’re so easy to train it’s delightful.  The only thing you have to do is pretend you’re doing it for the first time, and say what you do out loud as you do it slowly.  Then give it to them in writing as an ordered checklist, and done, (they master it after you leave.)  They also usually end up teaching me about features I’ve never used before.  (Probably because of RTFM.) 😂

Baby boomers tend to be less intellectually lazy than Gen X’ers in my observations.  Let’s blame corn syrup.  😶  I’m going to try and watch more Star Wars:  The Last Jedi.  I’m already anxious as hell, so I may as well knock out some anxiety-provoking activities while I’m already maxed out.  Too bad I don’t need anything from the mall, or I’d throw that in, as well.  😂  Peace.

”Elaine, she’s a psychic. She knows how her kid’s going to be.”

16th St Mall, Denver, CO

I’m in Denver and am thrilled I haven’t lost anything so far.  It’s probably something to do with wearing my phone and wallet in a small pouch around my neck. I look like a doof, I’m sure. But it’s worth it.  I’m hanging out with M’s cousins while he attends a meeting. Then we’re off to discover pinball machines.  It’s around 70 F and sunny.  Much better than the snow at home.

I have no idea what we had for lunch, but it was delicious.  It was Indian food, but I forgot to ask further.  I learned as a teen never to decline food from people who invite me into their home.  I offended an African (university student) who was braiding my hair and didn’t realize my error until her son told me she cooked explicitly for my appointment.  I apologized and ate with them, (but I also cried at the same time, and had post-crying hiccups afterward.)

One perk of being a doof:  I learn the shit out of valuable lessons.  Sigh.  It’s barely a perk.  I’m super tired due to being too excited to sleep last night.  My mind is doing aerobics, but my body is whining.  I watched the beginning of Star Wars:  The Last Jedi, when I realized sleep wasn’t happening.  Love it so far.  Spoiler Alert:  I (internally) slammed my foot against the ladder along with the doomed rebel to get that damn remote to fall.  I bet every Jedi (dreamer) who saw it did, too.  The catch and press scene was brilliant.

Star Wars TLJ

Also, I helped General Leia Organa slap Poe for his ruthless priorities.  The timing might be a bit off for the humorous quips, though.  Or, more likely, I just wasn’t ready to laugh after all that loss.  And I have this bizarre need to touch Supreme Leader Snoke’s skin.  He’s scarier than Emperor Palpatine.  He also appears fragile except when furious.  Weird how that increases menace.

I asked M if he thought weed would help me tolerate intensely exciting movies, but he said it would make it much more overwhelming for me.  So I’ll be sticking with patiently waiting for the version I can control with a remote.  (And tossing it up and catching it while pressing pause, like some rebel in a galaxy far, far away.)  ✌🏽


“You can’t go in there, brazenly flaunt the rules, and then think I’m gonna share with you!”

We’re going home tomorrow, (early.)  I miss Amelia Bedelia.  I also miss my weighted blanket.  My stamina for being away from home is low.  My brain is threatening a slow reboot.  Naturally, I’ve done much better with pacing myself today.  (Nothing like a little motivation fear.)  😂

I watched the new Jerry Seinfeld special on Netflix.  He had me laughing so hard I had to run around a little.  I thought only Wanda Sykes and Dave Chappelle could do that to me.  I was mistaken.  I’m a tiny bit disappointed I didn’t grow out of laughing until it feels like my bones are jelly.

Adulthood has been laughing at my poorly conceived expectations for decades.  It’s not as bad as the post-crying hiccups during the audible winding down process I still go through after every cry, I guess.  Sigh.  I know these aren’t relevant indications of being grown, (but my ego begs to differ.)

Dammit, Ego.  Go lay by your bowl.  I’m having a day.  I’ve decided not to classify it, (my life, my rules.)  I still play by the same life rules I learned as a child.  If I call the front seat, it’s no longer available to whoever decides it’s not fair.  Because rules.

The only problem with this strategy is the fact not everyone is still playing.  I seriously hope refusing to play causes premature aging.  Wow.  I’m kinda mean today.  But come on!  Get with the program, people who think calling it doesn’t count.  It counts!  There’s no logical reason to abandon rules created to increase harmony among people.  Nada.

I’m going to miss Lyft.  I went to Target to buy some candy, earlier.  I’ve wanted to do this many times, but didn’t because at home, Target is deep in the no-driving zone, (for me.) Weekend driving near the mall is beyond my frustration tolerance as well as my driving skill.  Ordering candy from Amazon sucks.  By the time it arrives, the desire is long gone.

It leaves me with enough time to remember the Basic Training Candy Binge that led to the Projectile Rainbow Hurling Incident.  (I can talk about it now, because I already ate my candy.)  I’m good for about a year.  Whew.  I think sitting still and typing this nonsense has helped me settle.  Tomorrow will be here before I notice.  Yay.  Peace.  💜

In fact, she said looks aren’t even that important to her.

I’m slowly recovering from my recent excessive traveling.  I’m at a point now where I recognize the difference between how I was feeling when I first got home versus today.  I distinctly recall feeling like it would take months for me to recover enough to travel again.  And at the time, I thought it was a conservative estimate.  Today, I agreed to return to Denver on Saturday.  I didn’t immediately agree.  There was a lot of breaking things down into small bits, and re-examining the challenge, before I got there.  The overall result is that my anxiety is lower now.  That’s always a good thing.

There will be structure to my time, as usual.  I always try and knock out a few goals while I’m there.  I figure when I’m already that far outside of my comfort zone, throwing in an interview or hair appointment on top is a good strategy.  My anxiety level can only go so high, as far as I’m aware.  So far in my life, the highest point is a full blown panic attack, resulting in my laying on the ground like a puddle of goo, hyperventilating, crying, and either wishing very hard that nobody would approach me, or thanking the universe that nobody approached me.  It sucks very much, but it’s never killed me.  So when I know I’m going to spend the weekend with my anxiety level just under the panic attack stage, I add 1 or 2 things that would normally have the same effect individually.

I guess my logic is that if I’m going to do something that makes me feel like shit, I may as well do as many as I can manage in short succession.  The odds are too near even on whether or not I end up having a panic attack either way.  Might as well do as many panic inducing things as I can manage, since the rest of that day will be spent in isolation beneath a weighted blanket, regardless.  I still jump in the pool all at once, rather than lowering myself in slowly while adjusting to the temperature.  I realize my logic is flimsy, but that’s part of why I like it.  It’s like Logic is being a smart ass, and that’s a personality trait that I find particularly delightful.

The water was cold and the chewing warms me up.

I’m having an anxious day so far.  I got up way too early again.  It was my fault this time.  I got out my carryon suitcase to pack last night, and my cat immediately climbed in.  Apparently she’s decided that this time, she’s coming with me.  Eventually, I had to move her so I could pack.  She wasn’t happy about it, and got her revenge at 4:27 AM.  She’s probably on a different schedule now, because of my feeding her so early yesterday.  I took my time getting up to feed her.  I stripped my bed, then fed her.  She acted like she was starving, even though there is food in her bowl.  She eats directly in the middle of the bowl, leaving food around the edges of the bowl, then acts like it’s empty.  It’s adorable.

As much as I hate being awakened too early, she always makes me laugh.  The longer I have her, the better we are at understanding each other.  It’s hard to believe she was timid when I first got her.  I set out water bowls in strategic places, (where I’m not likely to trip).  She walks around the apartment and inspects each water bowl, then climbs on the bathroom counter for me to turn the water on.  I can’t blame her for wanting it as fresh as possible, but when I got her a fountain, she used it to store her toys.  I have no idea what that meant, so I don’t bother with it now.  I leave the faucet on a trickle when I go out of town, and when I return, all her bowls of water are much lower than when I left.  It’s not long enough for it to have evaporated, so I figure she’s just weird.

At least she doesn’t stay in front of the door for most of the time I’m gone anymore.  There would be a fur nest making it obvious she spent a lot of time there.  I hope not calling for me.  My neighbors haven’t said anything, so probably not.  Even if I could take her with me, I wouldn’t.  I’ll be busy shopping for furniture.  I always get nervous before travelling by myself.  Then I go, and it’s fine, and I wonder what I was so uptight about.  I’m going swimming since it’s 80° F already.  That should distract me.