They’re gonna name their baby Seven.

I’m so overwhelmed.  Yeah, I saw this coming, too.  Sleep deprivation is expensive.  Typically, I feel like I’m a few seconds behind the world.  I’m used to The Pause.  Presently, my mind is racing.  I have too many things I want to process at the same time.  I’m demanding my brain keep up, but it’s like trying to make the rain stop by shouting at it.  Nevertheless, I’m still shouting.  I know it’s futile, but any action seems better than stillness.

I’m struggling to understand Americans who hate me so much, they’d rather destroy America than tolerate my existence.  It’s not going well.  I have a glitch I was apparently born with.  It scares me, sometimes.  I’ve never in my life managed to hold a grudge for more than a few days.  When I hate someone, it takes over my mind and becomes all I can think about.  I can’t read, listen to music, watch TV, or socialize, and hate someone at the same time.  Hating is essentially cutting myself off from all else.  It’s exhausting, and my hate-stamina is pathetic.  I always end up rejecting it, and as I’ve matured (shut-up 😂), I often skip the process and let it go straight away.

My sister, Heather, seemed the opposite in this respect.  I remember marveling at her ability to remain furious at someone, seemingly permanently.  I assume it’s a survival mechanism to some degree, but mine’s broken.  It makes me feel vulnerable.  It used to make me question my intelligence, but I decided it’s irrelevant.  I know a lot of people are feeling the tremor in The Force resulting from Americans hating Americans.  I suspect many of my fellow neurodiverse people are struggling right now.  One of the lovely perks of membership is often a high sensitivity to strong emotions of others.  A tremor in The Force is nearly literal, (depending on your level of Star Wars/life integration.)

I’m focusing my energy on removing my contribution to the tremor.  You’re welcome.  I’m having a Healing Day to get back in sync.  I went for a long run early this morning.  I listened to Chiquitita by ABBA, Whenever I Call You Friend by Kenny Loggins ft. Stevie Nicks, and Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks on repeat.  I mostly love repetition, but when people ask me the same question more than once, I get stuck.  (I wish more people would get behind my idea of a universal visual signal and/or sound whenever sarcasm is used.) Remember the cartoons with crappy resolution and expressive soundtracks?  The music was an essential part of comprehending the humor.  At least for me.

Oops, there I go again, wishing.  I just rolled my eyes at myself.  Part of me believes others should be considerate enough to let me in on the joke.  The eye-rolling part thinks it’s ridiculous to even desire the world where others put forth some effort to enable me (and many others) to participate.  Guess which part of me I like better?  I just cracked myself up.  Also, if you haven’t spent some time experiencing Stevie Nicks, stop being mean to yourself and get to it soon.  I’m off to play the violin to some cows while the humidity is tolerable.

LOS ANGELES, CA – JANUARY 31: Singer Stevie Nicks performs at the concert to celebrate the premiere of “Sound City” at the Hollywood Palladium on January 31, 2013, in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

2016 begins

I picked up my car today.  Amazing how easy it was to put off.  I hate driving.  I went as soon as it got light outside, and found it quickly.  It had over a foot of snow on it, but finding it in daylight proved simple.  Cleaning the snow off was painful as I didn’t bring gloves, and have no scraper.  So I improvised with some microfiber towels in my trunk.  My fingers were burning when I finished.  The taxi service who drove me to the airport was interesting.  They didn’t get my online reservation, so it’s a good thing I called to verify.  The guy picked me up quickly, but took another call while driving me.  He put it on speaker, but was writing down the information with a pen and paper.  We were all over the road while this went on.

I was sitting in the front seat, so I got a good view of the swerving.  Then he told me he’d been driving since last night.  I suppose picking up revelers.  Fortunately, the rest of the ride was fine.  He offered to drive me around inside the parking lot, but I declined.  He only charged me $20, too, which was nice.  Next week, I’ll take my car to get cleaned, and tuned up.  I also payed my bills and did some vacuuming.  Pretty productive for prior to noon.  I’m going to chill and watch a movie soon.  My hands still feel a little sore from warming up.  I turned on my heated seat and sat on my hands between snow scraping sessions.  I’m glad I retrieved it, but I don’t plan on going anywhere for the next few days.

I think I’ll work on designing a Star Wars quilt with the material I ordered.  I’m thinking of doing a design where it’s Star Wars on one side, and solid on the other.  I’d like to find a cobalt blue fabric.  I’ve seen the movie twice now.  Still love it.  My thoughts after were more about what’s going to happen next.  Disney will wring every possible penny of profit from the franchise, so there will be several more episodes if my guess is right.  If they manage to keep J. J. Abrams on board, it’ll be nice.  I’m overtired.  I should probably order a scraper while my fingers still hurt so I don’t forget.  I need to order a new phone, too.  And a guitar strap.  I think that’s it.  I’m off to Amazon.

Carrie Fisher is Cooler Than You

I read earlier that some people are upset that Carrie Fisher looks like a 59-year-old woman.  She is a 59-year-old woman.  This is the kind of shit that makes me entertain the possibility that I’m on the wrong planet.  I’ll admit, my immediate reaction to this “news” was unkind.  I secretly wished that the fleas of a thousand camels infested their junk.  But then I recognized that it’s best not to pay attention to delusional behavior.  It’s not to be encouraged.

Carrie Fisher is a cool person.  I saw a show she did on HBO that was hilarious and thoughtful.  I saw her in the original trilogy, and she was one of my favorite characters.  It was the first movie I can recall seeing where a woman was portrayed as strong, in a leadership role, demonstrating incredible bravery, and carrying the 2 male leads.  I understand that hormones interfered with the brain function of many males who fell in lust over her gold bikini poster in 1983.  But grow the fuck up.  Carrie Fisher changed the world for me as a child.  I haven’t forgotten this as an adult.  When I saw her, I cried with a mixture of joy, honor, nostalgia, and delight.

The part of Leia that was created by Carrie Fisher is her wit, her strong will, and her subtle air of royalty that she completely ignores.  These traits are also part of Carrie Fisher, the real person.  I think that’s what made her character so powerful.  It was based on truth.  I feel sorry for anyone who missed all that over a gold bikini.

I’m Just a Nucular Girl

I saw Star Wars: The Force Awakens.  I loved it.  It was so good.  I laughed several times, and cried twice.  J. J. Abrams pulled it off big time.  If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend it.  I won’t give anything away, of course.  I plan to see it a few more times while it’s still in theaters.  I will be buying it on bluray as well.  The Star Wars merchandise marketing is at an all time high.  Star Wars soup??  In order to discourage such behavior, I’ll only be buying homemade things from Star Wars at Etsy from now on.  I have a lot of items from past splurges, but enough already.  When they sell Star Wars chips, it’s gone too far.

I did buy a Star Wars cup at the theater, but forgot that I could use it to get free refills, and tossed it on my way out.  Oops.  Oh well.  The movie was worth the cost.  I went to the show that began at 10:40 PM.  I ran before I went, so I was pretty relaxed for the movie.  It turned out to be a good strategy for me.  Usually, I want to leave about 40 minutes into a movie at the theater.  My attention span is lower than my ability to be in a crowd.  The theater was so packed that they made us scooch over to free up any empty seats on the ends.  I went alone, as I always do for movies in the theater.  I can’t stand it when people talk to me in the movies.  Going alone prevents that.  I ended up between a group of programmers (could tell by their conversation), and two goofy geeks who made me laugh with their comments before the movie started.  I arrived about 30 minutes early to get a good seat.  I was right in the middle of the theater, yay!

They showed a lot of commercials before the movie started.  The guys on my right were like MST3K with their comments.  I laughed out loud several times because I can’t remember if it’s proper to laugh at strangers while they are sitting beside you or not.  I think it’s okay, because they laughed with me.  We applauded at the end.  I didn’t see a single person who wasn’t wearing at least a Star Wars t-shirt.  I wore one I got on Teefury with Luke and Yoda drawn like Calvin and Hobbes.  And I wore my Adidas Star Wars kicks, and some Levi’s on which I sewed an R2D2 patch on the back pocket.  They announced on the news that we weren’t allowed to wear masks or carry light sabers.  I wasn’t going to, anyway.  My light saber cost $200.  No way I’m going to try and keep track of that for over 2 hours.  At least I remembered my wallet when I left this time.

I don’t like movie theater popcorn.  It’s so greasy and it gets on my hands and face, and is so salty it makes my lips hurt.  The guys on my right offered me some out of the unbelievably huge tub they purchased.  I shook my head and smiled, hoping that would translate to, ‘No, thanks.’  I had my unbelievably large Coke to deal with.  I spilled some on my shirt because they overfilled it, and it was so big I had to tilt it to get a sip from the straw.  The guy on my left gave me a handful of napkins to sop it up.  That was kind of him as I didn’t get any.  I was surprised by the number of people who showed up so close to the time it began.  Seriously? You thought you would get a stadium seat by showing up now? Hell no!  Go sit in the front where the seats don’t tilt back, even though you are so close to the screen you’ll leave with a migraine.  Sheesh.

I know this is South Dakota, and we rarely have to worry about things selling out.  But this is Star Wars!  The first 2 showings did sell out.  I gave away my tickets to the 7PM showing to some boys who wouldn’t have otherwise been able to see it.  I also gave them my Star Wars movies on DVD since I have them on Bluray now.  They hadn’t seen them yet, and I told them they had to watch all of them before going to the new one.  They were so thankful, they made my heart melt.  I knew I’d still get to see it eventually, so it wasn’t a big deal.  But they were tearing up and thanking me over and over.  I’m glad they got to see it first.  They left a message on my machine that they watched all the movies first.  Their Dad watched with them, and took them to the movie.  I gave them 4 tickets, 2 adult, 2 children.  They gave the other adult ticket to their Dad’s friend.  I’m glad it wasn’t wasted.

I love other people’s kids.  So cute.  I can’t make babies, but I don’t think I would be up for the job anyway.  So I’m not upset that my woman parts got fried in the Army.  It was my fault, anyway.  I was in the desert near El Paso on a field problem.  I was a private, and was forced to sleep in a pup tent with my roommate.  I’m terrified of spiders, so we used about 20 cyalume sticks to light up our tent.

I’m still not sure if it was a good idea, as we were sitting in our tent talking when I noticed a black tarantula crawling up the side of the tent right by my roommates face.  In complete horror, I stood up and ran, tent draping over me for the first hundred feet or so, until I whipped it off and kept running.  I ran so far, I got lost.  I’m a distance runner, but when you add adrenaline to the mix, I’m like Florence Griffith-Joyner.  After I managed to calm down a bit, I followed the sound of the generators back to our site.  Unfortunately, I sat down beneath a big ass satellite dish to reorient myself to where my pup tent was supposed to be.  I felt the microwave penetration.  It was a weird sensation of heat from my center that radiated outward.  As I was experiencing this, I remembered the warning we’d been given about getting too close.  I should have sprung up and run away from them at that point.  But instead, I sat there for another few seconds, and then slowly walked away.  I thought my exposure was too minimal to cause any long term damage.  I’m not sure if it was that incident, or another in Aberdeen Proving Grounds, Maryland.  Either way, I’m sterile.

I saw in my medical records at the VA that I was exposed to nuclear chemicals, radiation, and microwaves.  Deep down, I still hope that the combination will still result in my having super hero powers at some point in the near future.  I’d like superhero speed, strength, and a staff of geniuses to invent awesome gadgets to assist in my new crime-fighting career.  I think I’ll call myself Nucular Girl, for personal amusement.  The crime-fighting, giggling at her own name, super heroine.  Yes. That will do.

The Force Friday

I just completed my Star Wars shopping online.  I kept it under $500, which is the amount I allocated for Force Friday.  I got my Sphero BB-8 directly from the source, as it was sold out at  It worked out well anyway, as they have free shipping.

Thinkgeek had a lot of what I wanted, though.  I got an R2D2 Bento box, the R2D2 trash can,  an R2D2 carry-on suitcase, and an R2D2 purse.  Yes.  I like R2D2.  He’s a smartass droid.  What’s not to love?

huil_r2-d2_bento_box r2d2_trashcan 1e45_r2-d2_carrry_on_luggage imlh_r2d2_dome_purse

Thinkgeek irked me, however.  They had a banner on top offering free shipping if you spend over $50.  What it really meant, is free shipping on some of your stuff, but not all.  Even after their alleged free shipping discount, my shipping was still $10.95.  So it was really a coupon for $6 off shipping, which is less appealing.  Therefore, I headed over to and got a coupon code for $10 off entire order.  Much better.  That additional $4.95 off matters.

After hitting up thinkgeek, I headed over to  They had Star Wars: The Force Awakens fabric fat quarters for quilting.  They also have a free pattern to make a quilt, but I didn’t like it.  I’ll design my own Star Wars quilt instead.  Massdrop is not a site for the impatient.  They’re a group buy site, so you have to wait until the end date, then wait for the manufacturer to make, pack, and ship it to them.  Then you have to wait for Massdrop to repackage your items and ship them to you.  Usually it takes a month or 2.

You can save some money this way.  However, many of the people who use the site are really good at finding the items cheaper on another site, and then linking it in the comments.  I’ve done this a few times when the better deal was on Amazon.  I use it sparingly, as I’m not thrilled with the process.  Amazon Prime has spoiled me so much I can barely tolerate other stores.


I love Star Wars.  I watch the original trilogy and the prequels about five times a year.  I can recite the original trilogy verbatim.  I have the soundtrack, which is awesome.  I listen to it when I run and it makes me feel like a powerful hero while I loop around the bike trails adjacent to where I live.  I always know what’s happening in the movies by what song is on.  It’s like watching a movie while I run.  I love it.