“I’ve driven women to lesbianism before, but never to a mental institution.”

kittens wrapped in a blanket

I’ve draped myself in the comforting blanket of music, of late.  It’s gently healing the many wounds I’ve acquired on my journey so far.  In this pleasant space, I’m building a better survival strategy for when The New and Improved Depression Monster (TNAIDM) ambushes me in the future.  I’ve acknowledged how it affects me; out damn pride.  First to go is my wit.  I cannot rely on my keen mind when stapled to the floor.

woman listening to music

I don’t know how TNAIDM steals my intellect and rationality, but the evidence is overwhelming.  I must plan accordingly.  My inner gamer sees this as a challenge.  There are no walk-through videos to study on YouTube.  No strategy guides on message boards.  Only me, my presently uncompromised wit, and my shelter of music.  Challenge accepted.  Victory awaits.

Today, this blanket consists solely of music by Sheryl Crow.  As I listen and sing along, the lyrics reach me.  My strength and resolve rebuild.  My focus broadens, and my sorrows fade.  I remember who I am and embrace the biggest picture I’m able to perceive.  I’m stardust floating through space.  Soon, my minute of life will end, and what remains will drift on with the expansion of the universe.

All my pain is insignificant from this perspective.  I can breathe.  I can even laugh over the concerns that leveled me yesterday.  They fail to weigh me down when I zoom out and allow myself to float.  Snapshot.  Save.  Remember.  💜

 

“So you’re denying him the scholarship just because he wants to be a city planner?”

I spent a little time using an Adobe web app called Spark, this afternoon.  It’s super easy to use (without bothering with the built-in tutorial.)  It helped me express myself with more than words in a short amount of time.  (It also reinforced my desire to continue learning Premiere Pro and After Effects.)  You’d think the message would indicate despair on my part, but nope.

I’m more resolved to endure as long as I can despite the willful ignorance, deception, and destruction surrounding me.   The hurt and betrayal I feel don’t decrease as I process the status quo, though.  I don’t know what to do with these feelings, other than experiencing them.  All the hate and ignorance being spread are motivating me to fight for all who are marginalized.

M and I agreed it’s our duty as citizens to support and protect them to the best of our ability.  We’re focused on the LGBTQIA+ community presently.  We had fun helping out (serving food and cleaning up) during Pride this year, and it felt magnificent to be in the vicinity of so many people celebrating.

Despite what I think is coming, I’m hopeful.  Part of me is amused because it’s probably ridiculous at this point.  I choose to hope because I’m in love with the human race.  People are my favorite fascinations;  Each one a unique universe, capable of incredible good and evil acts.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we figured out how to live and let live in harmony with all that’s alive?

That’s my dream.  I plan to use what remains of my life doing what I can to make it a reality.  I’m going to fight to help bring The Force back into balance by policing my actions so they match my values.  Watching so many preach one thing and do another strengthens my resolve.  Sheryl Crow nailed it with her latest single, titled, I Wouldn’t Want To Be Like You.  The universe shows us, over and over, life finds a way.  I believe.

“You could read the paper through the whole thing if you want.”

AFTF: Puma Custom Genetic Supplement

I hope those celebrating are having a blast this Independence Day.  In case you missed it, Sheryl Crow is releasing her final album in 2019.  After that, she’s only releasing singles.  Stevie Nicks is going to be on it.  I’m grinning like Oprah just adopted me.  😁   Just a quick flyby before our gig.  I’ll be back to regular posting this weekend.  ✌