Allergy Hell

September flew by.  I’m so glad the heat and humidity are basically history for the next several months.  I’ve had a rough week so far due to migraine/sinus pain.  I got a reprieve last night and half of today, but now it’s returned with a vengeance.  I rehydrated during and after my run last night.  I actually wore a hoodie and sweatpants which was nice because of the pockets for my keys and ipod/amp.  I carried a water bottle and managed to hang on to it for the majority of my run.

I dropped it twice, but both times it didn’t travel very far and was easy to retrieve.  I don’t know why my hands spontaneously let go of whatever I’m holding sometimes.  It’s like my mind forgets to keep putting forth that effort when I begin to relax into my run.  I’ll be glad when it’s cold, and I can dress in layers with lots of pockets.  When I move to Denver, I’ll be able to shop at Title Nine in person.  I try not to purchase my entire wardrobe from that one store, but I usually end up with a lot of skirts, tights, and boots from there.

I miss having Heather around to dictate my wardrobe.  She used to tell me what to wear, how to wear it, and even how to get my hair done.  Since she died, I’ve gradually started dressing like I’m in a uniform. Every day, I wear Levi’s jeans and a t-shirt.  I wear sneakers based on whatever t-shirt I choose.  I have about 20 pairs of sneakers, and about 50 t-shirts.  I have eleven pairs of Levi’s jeans in various colors.  I wear that uniform during all seasons except winter.  In winter, I switch to tights and skirts with boots.

I dress for comfort.  I only wear clothes that are soft.  I’m probably more comfortable with color than most people.  I grew up in the Geranimals era, and I’ve never gotten past the need to match clothes. When I wear purple jeans and a purple t-shirt of the same shade with purple sneakers and a purple headband in my hair, I feel comfortable.  I know people point and giggle.  I don’t care.  I’m not into fashion trends, and decided long ago that I dress for me.  I’m with me all the time, so who better to please than me?

When people laugh at my taste in clothing, I laugh too.  I know they aren’t being kind, but whenever I have a choice between laughing and crying I always pick laughing.  I need to go get groceries, but the first of the month is the worst possible time to go grocery shopping.  It seems like everyone goes that day.  So I’ll continue to make due with what I have left for a few days.  Half a loaf of bread, some frozen blueberries, and most of a box of Gogurt.  Good thing I’m not hungry.  My head feels like it’s going to explode, but I don’t dare take anymore Advil.  Maybe I’ll skip my run and just go to bed.

My Tribe

I think I’ve finally found my tribe.  I’m trying not to get too excited, as it wouldn’t be the first time I was wrong in this regard.  It would seem that others who are on the autism spectrum accept me as I am.  I can’t begin to express how this feels.  I’ll give a hint.  It’s positive.  I just finished eating my final meal of the day.  I’ve added pistachios, frozen blueberries, and plantain chips to my diet.  I think I’ve reached sufficient dietary variety.  Yay me.

Hopefully, this means no more kidney stones.  If I still get them, I will accept that they are a fact of life for me.  I’m done testing new foods.  I like when I make final life decisions like that.  I think my overall anxiety lowers a smidgen as a result.  I’m on the final chapters of ‘Solarversia’.  It was predictable in a way I appreciate, yet still had lots of things going on that I didn’t see coming.  I’ll finish it tonight, and then I’ll write a formal review on Amazon.  The author is one of my twitter followers, which is how I found out the book existed.  Most of the people who follow me are authors, comedians, people on the autism spectrum, gamers, and nerds.  This pleases me.

I missed Minority Report last night.  I went to bed at 7pm due to a migraine.  It persisted all night and halfway through today.  I hate when that happens.  I used a neti pot and took some Advil, which is usually enough.  But every so often, I have a super migraine that lasts for days and doesn’t diminish in pain regardless of what I do.  Hate when that happens.  It’s gone now, which is awesome.

I suspect part of the reason I got the migraine was due to a combination of lack of sleep, dehydration, eye strain, and physical tension.  Understanding the why helps psychologically.  It tells me I have control.  So when I run tonight, I’m going to carry some water, even though it’s annoying to carry something when running.  I’ll stop to drink at least 4 times, and then drink another full glass of water after I get back.  When I was a kid, I used to get in trouble for drinking my water before I ate, and then being too full to eat much.  My mom wouldn’t let me have anything to drink until I’d eaten most of my meal, which meant I usually didn’t drink with meals at all.

I reversed this process back to natural as an adult.  I retaught myself how to listen to my body when it comes to food in general.  If I’m not hungry, I don’t eat.  I love that nobody tries to force me to ignore my body’s messages anymore.  When I was forced to eat, I forgot what hunger felt like.  That’s just wrong. Being an adult is so awesome.  Except the paying for water bit.  That’s such bullshit.  But otherwise, yay.