“It hit her in the head!”

It’s been an awesome day.  No other way to look at it.  I’ve been creating riffs on my acoustic guitar and they’ve just been flowing out of me.  Each one inspired by mistakes I made when trying to copy professional guitarists.  So I guess simplified riffs.  I’m a rhythm guitarist because it’s perfect for me.  (Even when I play RockBand 4 on my PS4, I freeze on the solos.)

I’m a rhythm drummer, too.  I can’t even air drum with Phil Collins during his epic solo for In the Air Tonight.  My mind wanders too easily, or something.  When I practice drumming with music now, I have to pick songs I’ve never heard.  I can’t play along with Fleetwood Mac for an entire song because I start listening to Mick Fleetwood and the singing, etc. instead of playing in sync.  I end up sitting there holding the sticks as if I’m about to strike and listening to the song.

I’ve worn through my third pair of gloves.  I’ve been using the fake leather ones by Ahead.  I see duct tape in my future (since they’re $40 a pair.)  I played along with a bunch of country songs since I don’t listen to country music.  The only time I did was when I had a roommate in the Army who did.  She introduced me to Brooks and Dunn, Trisha Yearwood, Garth Brooks, etc.  I like country music.  I just like rock more.  I love the song, What If by Kane Brown ft. Lauren Alaina.

I like Slow Hands by Niall Horan, too.  I love his voice.  And something new from Garth Brooks.  I have a fantastic memory from a pub in the middle of nowhere in southern Germany.  I was with a small group of soldiers (out of uniform) and soon after we entered, Friends in Low Places came on the jukebox.  Every person in there sang along (loudly) in English, word for word, (of course I joined in.)  It was like a hug from Germany.  We were worried nobody would admit to speaking English and were trying to remember our newly acquired (and limited) German.

I installed the first half of my Halloween decorations last night.  It’s my creepy window.  A backlit woman screaming with eyes bugging out, and a ghoulish looking dude with heavy facial features and a greenish hue.  It looks wicked at night from the outside.  During the daytime, it looks awesome from the inside.  I forgot to look from the street on my way to work, so I’m not sure how well it looks from a distance.  I have a projector and some FX material to project horrors onto other windows, or to create them holographically by draping it over something or hanging it from the ceiling.

I have a killer sinus headache that won’t go away (despite my doing nothing about it.)  😂 I’m debating on a neti pot (it always ends in tears,) or a heating pad.  Or some wasabi sauce… That might work…  I’m off to determine the most fun method of ridding myself of this nagging pain.  Then I can continue reading, Sleeping Beauties, by Owen and Stephen King.  Yay.

She’s going to ask how you got her number.

I made it through today’s challenges.  The hashtag game that started my day at 6 AM was lots of fun.  The tag was lovely (about hugs), and lots were funny and touching.  After that, the guy I hired to haul off my junk arrived with his two young sons.  He wasn’t able to maneuver his truck into my underground parking space, so one boy stood guard in case a neighbor needed him to move it while we headed upstairs.  It took less than an hour, and they didn’t damage any walls in the process.  It was mostly Ikea furniture I’ve outgrown, and my sofa.  The sofa barely fit out the door and took a lot of effort to get into the elevator.  When we stood it on its end, it brushed the ceiling in the elevator.

I could tell I was their first customer as they were still working out the logistics.  Typically, when I encounter someone starting a new business, I offer to build them an app or website.  I forgot this time, but I’ll be hiring him again shortly.  I have a Jenga-like tower of boxes from TV’s, speakers, monitors, etc. in part of my parking space.  I saved them for when I move, but in the meantime, they’ve washed the floors, and that ruined several.  They’re now an unbelievably dusty nuisance I’d rather not touch.  I’d rather pay to have them come back and have a filthy box smashing party on my behalf.  I saw lots of spider webs seemingly holding my Jenga tower together.  Ew.  No.

Unfortunately, I stressed so much about meeting a stranger, and letting him into my home; I didn’t sleep last night.  I lay still in bed while listening to 21 Pilots on repeat.  I felt fine throughout the hashtag game, but halfway through helping load the truck, I hit a wall of nausea.  I soldiered through until we finished, then drank some water.  It helped a bit, but the 2-hour nap helped more.  I’m confident I’ll sleep tonight.  I feel good knowing I managed, and it’s over.

I did most of my chores but still have windows, and dishes left.  I’ll do those tomorrow.  Tonight, I’m going to binge watch Pamela Adlon’s new show, Better Things on FX app.  I’ve seen the pilot, so I already know I’ll love the show.  FX’s app either shows lots of commercials, or it seems like more than what I’d see if I watched it in real time.  It’s annoying, but it’s Pamela Adlon, so I’ll deal.  I loved her in Lucky Louis, Louis, King of the Hill, (and much more voice-overs in anime and video games).  I love that she’s little on the outside, big on the inside.  I love that she’s effortlessly sexy and funny at the same time.  There are so few who can pull that off.  Mariska Hargitay is another that comes to mind.  I love the androgyny a few beautiful people have brought into the spotlight.  They’re making perceptions of beauty broader, which is awesome.

I had a weird moment where my body was reacting to emotions I didn’t consciously feel.  I have these episodes often, and rarely give them my attention.  Usually, I cry in my sleep from a disturbing dream, then awaken with post-crying hiccups and no feelings to explain them, which is standard with PTSD.  Today, I had a similar moment while awake.  It was just creepy enough to guarantee I won’t stay up all night again soon.

While I lay there listening to music, I wrestled with the Orson Scott Card issue again.  I forgive him for being imperfect in such a hateful and harmful manner because I reject hate.  However, the boycott continues.  I can’t stomach reading anything he writes ever again because I imagined myself as a gay teenager growing up in South Dakota, reading Ender’s Game, then finding out Orson Scott Card is an outspoken hater with no regard for how much pain and loss it causes.

I don’t like to rant about religion because it’s disrespectful to those who believe differently than I.  I firmly believe hate is wrong.  I question the judgment of anyone who justifies hatred, especially if religion is the justification.  I’ve mentioned before I’m offended by religion in general, and this explains why.  I realize not all who hold tight to faith embrace hatred.  Yay.  Those who do confuse me at best.  I’m at war with hate, and I’m a soldier.  Brandon Sanderson is a far superior writer, and he doesn’t spread hate.  So there’s that.  I’m off to continue reading his latest; Arcanum Unbounded:  The Cosmere Collection.

“Nothing’s finer than being in your diner”?

Today has been good.  I’m catching everything the Depression Monster slings at me, and slaying it.  At this time next week, I’ll be in Denver.  I’m excited to go this time.  It’s odd, because I have a lot scheduled for a weekend trip.  Normally, I would feel anxious about having so much to do, but not this time.  I’m going on a Cannabis Tour that includes a visit to a grow warehouse, and lunch at a restaurant that specializes in curing the munchies.  Rice Krispie treats are an option for dessert, which is genius.  I haven’t gotten the munchies before, but I’ve also never turned down a Rice Krispie treat.  It’s a 4 hour tour, so there’s other stuff too.  There will be strangers, so it’ll be a good test to see if cannabis helps an Autistic person socialize more easily.

I’m going to base my results on whether or not I interact with anyone else on the tour, as well as how well I’m able to be among strangers for 4 hours.  Right now, it seems about 3 hours and 45 minutes too long.  Not terribly scientific, but it’ll at least determine if I should bother designing a more scientific test in the future.  If I remain with the group for the entire tour, I’ll call it a success.  If I remain for over 2 hours, it’ll merit a more scientific study in the future.  I know that right now, cannabis free, I would last about 20 minutes, and then get an Uber back to my hotel.  I would do this because it would shorten the length of time it will take for me to recover afterward.  If I succeed, it’ll take time to recover.  This is just how life with Autism is.  Social interactions with strangers are exhausting.

When I recover, I isolate as much as possible.  Then I hyperfocus on an activity until my cat or body object.  Rinse and repeat for however long it takes to feel recovered.  I don’t have data on how long it takes to recover because I refuse to measure the negatives.  I didn’t sleep last night.  I lay in bed and sang quietly while under my weighted blanket for a while.  I started to fall asleep, but Amelia Bedelia was batting her ball with a bell in it up and down the hallway at top speed.  It’s so cute how she really gets into it.  Her little butt wiggling just before she takes off is hilarious.  After hearing her do this a few times, I got up to play with her.  I’m powerless over her adorability.  Here she is on her “throne”.

It’s a pile of all my beginner quilts. They all have mistakes I made as I was learning.  I’m still learning, and still a beginner, but I’ve managed to overcome some of my past errors.  I got some new material through MassDrop for my next quilt.  I haven’t researched paper piecing yet.  I’ve been practicing my crocheting a bit.  I still suck at it.  It’s easier for me than knitting, though.  I’ve given up on knitting for now.  I don’t have enough hands, or something.

Kaisai

Today has been awesome.  I got 3 hours of continuous sleep.  Yay!  No nightmares.  Shoutout to estrella1982 for suggesting I look into lucid dreaming.  It’s fascinating, and I’ll absolutely be utilizing the technique.  I started my dosage change today.  Prozac has a long half life, so it’ll be about a month before the change takes effect.  It helps that I run because it requires me to remain well hydrated, and helps flush toxins out of my body faster.

I followed a woman on Twitter recently, and have discovered that I struck pure gold.  She’s beautiful, kind, and makes Vines that encourage people to be loving and accepting.  Plus she’s a cat lady.  Gold.  I got my responses back from Twitter regarding the racist harassment I endured a few days ago.  They basically praised their own concern for preventing harassment on the site for the first half of the email, and then told me that they didn’t find anything they consider harassment in the screen shots I sent in my reports.  I have since perused their rules regarding harassment, and discovered that unless someone directly threatens to kill you, or commit suicide, they don’t care.  So I wasn’t surprised by their email.

I accept that this is their stance on the topic.  I’ve decided to continue utilizing the site with my more thorough understanding of the role they’re willing to take in keeping the site safe in their view.  Logic is easy to accept.  I’ll utilize the block feature more readily in the future, should I encounter such hatefulness and racism.  It’s the perfect tool to assist me in protecting myself.  For some reason, in the instance I reported, I had to block the person twice before it took effect.  It could be that I double clicked the option rather than a single click.  I’ve done that with favoriting before.

I would like a more tactile option.  Like a huge red button mounted on the wall that I could whack with a purpose when encountering such unpleasantness.  But instead, I’ll just visualize it.  I’m not playing in the hashtag games today.  They are tags that encourage gore and violence.  Not my thing.  I know it’s not literal, but it’s still disturbing.  Heroes Reborn is on tonight.  I hope I can pay attention.  I missed The Big Bang Theory on Monday because I was having sensory overload issues.  Heroes Reborn is one of those shows that is right at the limit of what I can handle as far as violence and suspense.  I wish I could read it first.  Same with Minority Report.  

I’m presently reading, The Cycle of Arawn trilogy, by Edward W. Robertson.  It’s a fantasy series.  I’m liking it so far.  After that I have a new book by Amanda Palmer titled, The Art of Asking.  It was recommended by a friend on Twitter who’s awesome.  Every day she shares links to fascinating stuff.  Whenever I’m waiting for code to compile or content to render, I pop over to check my feed.  A few times, I’ve gotten absorbed in the hashtag games and spent more time than I should have goofing off.

I make up for it on the weekends, when I allow myself to hyper focus on my projects.  Allowing 2 days per week to let myself become completely absorbed in what I’m doing has been the best way to avoid meltdowns that I’ve discovered so far.  Aside from my cat, no interruptions are heeded.  I live for weekends.  I’ve been so much more social now that I’m paying attention to Twitter.  It’s hard.  Even though it’s mostly reading, it still can overwhelm me.  Today, someone I follow changed their avatar.  It really threw me.  I took a moment to stim and collect myself, and then forced myself to respond to it in the most positive manner I could muster.  She acknowledged my response, and mentioned she may put it back how it was in the future.  I felt relief at the prospect.

I’ve unfollowed a few people who change their avatar like most people change their undergarments.  I don’t understand why someone would do that.  It’s like changing your face.  It’s really upsetting.  But I’ve learned not to expect people to understand this.  Sassafrantz is the only one that doesn’t rattle me when she does this.  It’s not often, and she keeps tweets the photo of her new avatar when she changes it, and keeps the former one in her photo timeline.  That helps.

I can tell I’m still a little loopy from sleep deprivation.  My mind is all over the place hahaha.  My cat was so funny this morning.  I was laying on the floor beside her after my run.  I started to sit up to do my stretching, and she got so offended.  She made a loud, very long meow sound, and then hit me on the arm with her paw.  I don’t know what I did wrong that offended her, but it made me laugh really hard.  I guess she wasn’t ready for me to start moving again.  I apologized to her and then praised her for a bit while stroking her cheeks.  She settled, and I carried on.  So funny!  I think my cat is autistic too.  Here she is falling asleep on her Flintstones/Jetsons quilt I made her.