Fixer Upper is pure awesomepuppymonkeybaby

Fixer Upper is my new favorite show.  I’m completely in love with the hosts, their children, and their farm animals.  It’s the best show HGTV has ever produced.  Even better than Property Brothers and Divine Design.  Who knew that was possible?  The hosts, husband and wife, are super talented, and watching them interact is awesome.  Seeing people whom you know are in love is a treat.  They’re hilarious, too.  They show outtakes often, much to my amusement.  They fix up houses instead of building new, which is smart.  They can make a barn into a high end home.  It’s amazing.  I’m watching it right now.

There was a commercial earlier that showed a big man jogging.  As he ran past the camera, you saw a little woman curled up on his back.  He stops, faces the camera, and says nobody likes a clinger.  Then they cut to a toilet with a more effective flushing mechanism, and repeat the fact that nobody likes a clinger.  I laughed so hard.  It’s brilliant.  I love it when they nail a commercial so effectively, and make me belly laugh.  It’s for an American Standard toilet.  The water flows from the top side of the bowl, which makes it clean itself whenever flushed.  I suspect it will eliminate the issue for which it was designed.  I kinda wish I could have listened in on the meeting where they discussed the necessity for this product.  It had to be at least a little funny.  I’m sure they had a lot of fun making the commercial, too.  Life is so much better when people don’t take it too seriously.

I’m Just a Nucular Girl

I saw Star Wars: The Force Awakens.  I loved it.  It was so good.  I laughed several times, and cried twice.  J. J. Abrams pulled it off big time.  If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend it.  I won’t give anything away, of course.  I plan to see it a few more times while it’s still in theaters.  I will be buying it on bluray as well.  The Star Wars merchandise marketing is at an all time high.  Star Wars soup??  In order to discourage such behavior, I’ll only be buying homemade things from Star Wars at Etsy from now on.  I have a lot of items from past splurges, but enough already.  When they sell Star Wars chips, it’s gone too far.

I did buy a Star Wars cup at the theater, but forgot that I could use it to get free refills, and tossed it on my way out.  Oops.  Oh well.  The movie was worth the cost.  I went to the show that began at 10:40 PM.  I ran before I went, so I was pretty relaxed for the movie.  It turned out to be a good strategy for me.  Usually, I want to leave about 40 minutes into a movie at the theater.  My attention span is lower than my ability to be in a crowd.  The theater was so packed that they made us scooch over to free up any empty seats on the ends.  I went alone, as I always do for movies in the theater.  I can’t stand it when people talk to me in the movies.  Going alone prevents that.  I ended up between a group of programmers (could tell by their conversation), and two goofy geeks who made me laugh with their comments before the movie started.  I arrived about 30 minutes early to get a good seat.  I was right in the middle of the theater, yay!

They showed a lot of commercials before the movie started.  The guys on my right were like MST3K with their comments.  I laughed out loud several times because I can’t remember if it’s proper to laugh at strangers while they are sitting beside you or not.  I think it’s okay, because they laughed with me.  We applauded at the end.  I didn’t see a single person who wasn’t wearing at least a Star Wars t-shirt.  I wore one I got on Teefury with Luke and Yoda drawn like Calvin and Hobbes.  And I wore my Adidas Star Wars kicks, and some Levi’s on which I sewed an R2D2 patch on the back pocket.  They announced on the news that we weren’t allowed to wear masks or carry light sabers.  I wasn’t going to, anyway.  My light saber cost $200.  No way I’m going to try and keep track of that for over 2 hours.  At least I remembered my wallet when I left this time.

I don’t like movie theater popcorn.  It’s so greasy and it gets on my hands and face, and is so salty it makes my lips hurt.  The guys on my right offered me some out of the unbelievably huge tub they purchased.  I shook my head and smiled, hoping that would translate to, ‘No, thanks.’  I had my unbelievably large Coke to deal with.  I spilled some on my shirt because they overfilled it, and it was so big I had to tilt it to get a sip from the straw.  The guy on my left gave me a handful of napkins to sop it up.  That was kind of him as I didn’t get any.  I was surprised by the number of people who showed up so close to the time it began.  Seriously? You thought you would get a stadium seat by showing up now? Hell no!  Go sit in the front where the seats don’t tilt back, even though you are so close to the screen you’ll leave with a migraine.  Sheesh.

I know this is South Dakota, and we rarely have to worry about things selling out.  But this is Star Wars!  The first 2 showings did sell out.  I gave away my tickets to the 7PM showing to some boys who wouldn’t have otherwise been able to see it.  I also gave them my Star Wars movies on DVD since I have them on Bluray now.  They hadn’t seen them yet, and I told them they had to watch all of them before going to the new one.  They were so thankful, they made my heart melt.  I knew I’d still get to see it eventually, so it wasn’t a big deal.  But they were tearing up and thanking me over and over.  I’m glad they got to see it first.  They left a message on my machine that they watched all the movies first.  Their Dad watched with them, and took them to the movie.  I gave them 4 tickets, 2 adult, 2 children.  They gave the other adult ticket to their Dad’s friend.  I’m glad it wasn’t wasted.

I love other people’s kids.  So cute.  I can’t make babies, but I don’t think I would be up for the job anyway.  So I’m not upset that my woman parts got fried in the Army.  It was my fault, anyway.  I was in the desert near El Paso on a field problem.  I was a private, and was forced to sleep in a pup tent with my roommate.  I’m terrified of spiders, so we used about 20 cyalume sticks to light up our tent.

I’m still not sure if it was a good idea, as we were sitting in our tent talking when I noticed a black tarantula crawling up the side of the tent right by my roommates face.  In complete horror, I stood up and ran, tent draping over me for the first hundred feet or so, until I whipped it off and kept running.  I ran so far, I got lost.  I’m a distance runner, but when you add adrenaline to the mix, I’m like Florence Griffith-Joyner.  After I managed to calm down a bit, I followed the sound of the generators back to our site.  Unfortunately, I sat down beneath a big ass satellite dish to reorient myself to where my pup tent was supposed to be.  I felt the microwave penetration.  It was a weird sensation of heat from my center that radiated outward.  As I was experiencing this, I remembered the warning we’d been given about getting too close.  I should have sprung up and run away from them at that point.  But instead, I sat there for another few seconds, and then slowly walked away.  I thought my exposure was too minimal to cause any long term damage.  I’m not sure if it was that incident, or another in Aberdeen Proving Grounds, Maryland.  Either way, I’m sterile.

I saw in my medical records at the VA that I was exposed to nuclear chemicals, radiation, and microwaves.  Deep down, I still hope that the combination will still result in my having super hero powers at some point in the near future.  I’d like superhero speed, strength, and a staff of geniuses to invent awesome gadgets to assist in my new crime-fighting career.  I think I’ll call myself Nucular Girl, for personal amusement.  The crime-fighting, giggling at her own name, super heroine.  Yes. That will do.

That Was Awkward

I spent some time working on the new site today.  I don’t have a launch date yet, but I did get some advisors who will help keep it focused and positive.  I’m so delighted that they agreed.  I also got help on some wording I was struggling with.  I’m learning a lot about respectful ways of addressing people, varying views on issues of importance to me, and different varieties of sexual, and gender identity.  It’s good for lowering my anxiety when interacting with people.  As my confidence in these skills go up, my anxiety about putting my foot in my mouth or hurting someone by accident goes down.

I had an unexpected visitor earlier today, but it was one that doesn’t frazzle me.  It was the son of a woman I met at the VA.  He’s autistic too, and they used to spend time at my apartment, mostly playing video games.  He’s 12 now, and ran away from home.  He told me he wants to live with me instead of his mom.  I told him to relax, and that I’d play Skylanders with him after I finished something.  He sat down and started lining up my huge collection of Skylanders. He’s really good at setting it all up.  I texted his mom and told her where he was.  She was angry.

That’s why we don’t hang out anymore.  She yells at her kid and is angry most of the time.  The last time we hung out, she yelled at me.  That was the last straw.  I told her I don’t want to be her friend anymore.  She got angry and left.  I hadn’t seen her kid in a while, and I missed him.  We get along well.  He makes me laugh a lot.  He likes to do pranks.  Like when they came over to go swimming, he’d race us back to my apartment, and then lock us out.  It was funny, and it wasn’t as if he was doing something dangerous.  Just being silly and having fun.  But his mom would get so angry.  He would let us in, and I could tell he was disappointed that she didn’t play along even a little bit.

When he and I would play Lego Star Wars, and my character would get stuck, or if I got distracted, he would get frustrated because it meant his character had to stop and wait for me. The first time this happened, he had a cow over it.  But I just watched him lose it, and then I held up five fingers on one hand, and one finger on the other.  Then I told him he started out strong, but lost his steam about halfway through, and since he didn’t shed a single tear, I had to deduct two more points.  He stared at me for a second, then we both burst out laughing.  After that, anytime I frustrated him, he would tell me to hurry up before he had a level 9 or 10 tantrum, then we’d laugh.

It wasn’t a big deal.  I understand frustration, and how much more intense it is when you’re a child.  His behavior didn’t make me angry.  I don’t think he was used to an adult who didn’t yell at him for every little thing.  At one point, they were spending the night, and we were watching all the Alien movies.  I kept talking and pointing out funny stuff in the movie because I can’t handle scary movies.  I always notice mistakes like if they are wearing a white shirt in the beginning of a scene, and then suddenly it’s green, or something.  So I would talk to the TV, much to Miles’ amusement, telling them we know what they did, and they can’t pull a fast one with us, etc.  Just being silly.

Miles laughed for a while at my antics, and then I could tell that he was getting too excited, because I was too.  He started laughing loudly and slapping the floor.  The loud noise it made rattled me, so I covered my ears and started rocking.  I was doing self care, and everything was cool.  Miles was super happy, and having a good time.  Yes, he was loud, but he wasn’t hurting anyone or anything.  He would have naturally settled down when he expended some of his over-excitement.  Every kid I’ve met does this, and when I was a kid, I did this.  It’s one of the many ways kids show joy.  It’s awesome.  But his mom saw me covering my ears, and took it as her cue to start yelling at Miles.

At first, she told him to stop, and he did.  But it was like her anger was growing, and she just kept telling him that he needed to settle down, and stop being so loud, and how if his behavior continued this way he wouldn’t be allowed to spend time at my place anymore, etc.  She just kept going and going.  Miles had already stopped.  There was no logical reason for her to keep yelling at him.  So I started laughing, because it was just so ridiculous.  Then I told her she’s like the Energizer Bunny.  She just keeps going and going and going.  Naturally, Miles joined me, and we said going and going together for a while.  It was fun, and funny.

In my view, we were diffusing a situation where his mom was overreacting.  In her view, I was encouraging Miles to act out.  We settled down after that and finished the movie.  Then I went to sleep in my bedroom, and they crashed on my sofa and on a blow up mattress in my living room. When I lay down in my bed, I was thinking it would be better if she would drop off Miles to hang out for a while, then pick him up and not talk to me.  I didn’t and still don’t understand why she was so angry with him all the time.  She clearly had no idea how a naughty 10-year-old behaves. Had she known some of the things me and my brother, Steve, did at that age, her head probably would have exploded.  Miles was and is a good kid.

His behavior is mild and typical for a child, especially one on the autism spectrum.  Children are loud, excitable, joyful, funny, and creative.  When you allow them some room to be a kid, they are so fun to be around.  But when you make them anxious and frustrated by yelling at them constantly, they let it build up until they can’t take it anymore.  And sometimes they demonstrate their exasperation by running away.  I told him I texted his mom so she wouldn’t worry about him. He didn’t respond.  I know he felt betrayed, but reality.

After a bit, he asked if he could come over after school next week.  I told him he’s welcome here, but only with his mom’s permission.  I told him if he came here without her permission I couldn’t hang out with him.  He asked why not, and threw my Xbox 360 controller.  But the way he threw it was funny.  He held it up, paused, looked for an acceptable place to throw it, then threw it.  It took everything I had not to laugh.  It landed on my sofa, and was undamaged.  Further proof that he’s a good kid.  I told him it’s the law, and there’s nothing I can do about it.  He said okay.

His mom came and buzzed my phone.  Miles answered and asked her to come upstairs.  Inside, I was thinking, “Nooooo”.  But I didn’t say anything.  Miles started putting all my Skylanders back where they belong, and turned off the console and TV.  He knows all the rules for my apartment. He feels comfortable here, which I think is good.  His mom knocked on the door, and I let her in. They sat on the sofa and talked for a bit.  I went to put a load of laundry into the dryer.  Then she said something about it was good to see me, I wasn’t listening.  I already told her I don’t like her, so I don’t know why was she talking to me.

She asked me if I wanted to go to IHOP.  I said no, thanks.  Then they left.  It was nice to see Miles.  My cat came out of hiding, and I went about working on the site.  It’s probably a good thing I’m not a mom.  I’m pretty sure I’m clueless about parenthood.

Time Travel

It’s still summer in Denver too. Global warming is ruining outside for me.  My flight was superb.   I slept the whole time, and even drooled a little.  I like the flat I’m staying in.  It’s a rental unit owned by my family, but of the 2 units, only 1 is rented out presently.  I have a feeling this one will be permanently occupied by my nephew.  I crashed on the couch for a bit, then awoke to realize he was streaming Bob’s Burgers while sitting near me, eating Chinese food.

He ordered me some shrimp fried rice and crab rangoon.  He’s my favorite nephew.  I’ve been half watching that, and half paying attention to Twitter.  People on Twitter are so funny.  Every day I laugh really hard multiple times at some of the tweets by people I follow.  I really think comedian should be the highest paying profession in the world.  No other job contributes as much joy to the world.  That should be rewarded handsomely, and Louis C.K. should be way richer than Bill Gates.  Windows is nice, but it never made me laugh so hard I peed a little.  It’s made me cry, though.

This world is so hard to understand.  I made a friend on twitter today, as we shared similar views on the refugee issues and general displeasure with the status quo of American politics.  Then she posted that America is Neo Fascist.  I couldn’t let that go because it’s an ignorant lie.  Clearly, she doesn’t understand what fascism entails.  So I pointed this out, and followed up with reminding her that if America was truly fascist, she would be killed immediately for voicing her opinions on Twitter.  Then I added that if America is truly fascist, the Million Man March going on today led by Native Americans, and followed by people of color who are loudly chanting ‘Down, Down USA’ would result in a government led massacre of all involved.  She blocked me.  I’m fine with that.  It’s not the first time I’ve offended someone by insisting on truth and accuracy.  Not even close.  It’s an Aspie thing, I’ve been told.  Personally, I think it’s a good trait. Reality only exists if the majority agree to acknowledge it.  I don’t like it when people exaggerate to the point of being offensive in an effort to spread their message.  It ruins their credibility, and defeats the purpose.

I also found a group in Denver who also support Bernie Sanders for president.  They congratulated me on my upcoming move, offered to help me find a local ‘Feel the Bern’ party, and gave me links to resources so I can catch him live at another time.  I’m going to love living here.  Sioux Falls is nice, but there are things about it that suck. Mainly that it’s located in South Dakota.  Yep.  That about sums it up.

The cool thing is that when I move I’ll be moving through space and time simultaneously.  Those who claim time travel is a myth have never been to South Dakota.  Where every minute is a fucking eternity locked in the ’60’s.  Sioux Falls is progressive, liberal, and surrounded by hell.  Every weekend, it’s infiltrated with farmers from out of town whose normal idea of traffic is a cow in the road.  They ignore lanes, drive super slowly, and cause accidents in a 1 mile radius around the mall.  I was delighted to watch it disappear through my plane window.

My nephew is enjoying Twitter too.  He’s making suggestions of things to type and generally cracking me up.  He’s made me promise 3 times so far that I won’t let my sister see it.  She’s religious, and would be appalled.  While that would be amusing, it wouldn’t be for long.  I get stressed out when she’s upset with me, so it’s not worth it.  She travels a lot so it’s rarely a concern.  We’re supposed to be looking through catalogs for light fixtures and faucets.  I just can’t make myself care about it today.  Back to Bob’s Burgers and Twitter.