Have you ever seen Elaine dance?

Ladies and gentleman, hold your devices tightly.  From here on out, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.  The countdown has been reset to expire on June 30, 2017.  The catalyst is once again the threat to repeal the ACA (Affordable Care Act).  Unlike before, I’ve decided against a dramatic exit specifically designed to shame Paul Ryan.  It’s since come to my attention he’s soulless and impossible to shame.  It may be a prerequisite for a GOP leadership position.  (I’m not sure souls exist.)

It was a logistical nightmare, anyway.  Assuming I don’t die hilariously in the meantime, there will be no drama.  This pleases me.  I don’t have enough data to produce a significant probability regarding the vote.  I refuse to go black hat to acquire said data.  Fuck the dark side.  The Rule of Two (and Three) has been shattered beyond recognition.  The Sith have spent decades planning this coup.  It’s surprising how poorly it’s gone when you consider the time and money spent.  Fortunately, empires built on lies implode.

Oddly, I feel relieved and curious more than anything else.  In the meantime, I’m having a blast jumping and flapping to Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac.  I spent at least 40 minutes doing it earlier.  I have a playlist with just that song, so I can repeatedly listen without interruption.  Rhiannon is like Chiquitita by ABBA; it’s a hug made of music.  I used to listen to Chiquitita on repeat when I needed to cry but couldn’t.  The song wept for me.

This weekend, I get to beat on an acoustic drum kit for two hours.  I’m bringing my noise canceling headphones.  I’m going to be louder than I’ve ever been in my life the whole time.  I’ll be in a soundproof practice room, so nobody will mind.  I’m so excited.  For someone who can’t tolerate thunder, I sure love playing the drums.  Probably because I can control the volume and there’s no suspense.  We had a thunderstorm this morning.  I wore my headphones, but I couldn’t find my cat for a while and started to panic.  She’s mostly black and quite tiny.  She was lying behind the sofa, curled into a ball.  I looked there a few times without seeing her before I used a flashlight.  Sigh.

It irks me to get upset over irrational things, but I love that little fur ball.  I’m still amazed by how sweet she is.  She winked at me the other day.  I wasn’t certain I’d seen it, so I looked again, and she repeated the performance.  Yep.  I awwed.  Even when she’s a little shit, she’s sweet about it.  She doesn’t just fling my remote off the coffee table.  She makes sure she has my attention first.  She gently pushes it to the edge, then stares at me.   I think this is her way of telling me she wants a treat in the next few seconds, or the remote gets it.

I didn’t sleep last night, but my body is telling me tonight will be different.  Before I sign off, I want to apologize to the bloggers I’ve been neglecting (especially my Pocket Sister!)  It’s not you, it’s me.  My daily schedule is out of whack, and I’m flailing.  (Just flailing, though, which is miraculous.)  I’ll be by soon to see what you’ve been up to.  I’m off to waste time laying still for a few hours, so I don’t hurl from sleep deprivation.

We chase down library delinquents.

I endured a week of appointments, including a biopsy of something in my jaw.  I started another round of antibiotics, because the first round didn’t finish the job.  I was given more hydrocodone, some 800 mg Motrin, and the disgusting antibiotic pills that are chalky, and begin disintegrating before I can wash them down with water, leaving a nasty aftertaste.  I have to take 8 of them a day, which feels ridic.  Unfortunately, I can’t run until they’re gone, so I’m complying.  The pain is history, but I’ve been running a low grade fever today.  I went to the new ER that’s just down the street.  It was full of shiny, and I felt like I was dreaming the whole time I was there.  I’m home now, and feeling a bit better.

Next week, I have more appointments.  I’m not as stressed out about it as I would have been in the past.  Therapy is helping.  I’m much better at taking a deep breath, and just getting things over with.  I don’t fear meltdowns so much anymore.  They don’t have much power over me anymore, because I’m pretty good at shutting them down before they ruin my day.  That’s awesome.  Here is a photo of my cat in the little fort I made her.  tuxedo cat under a blanket

The show is about nothing!

It’s 68 F here today.  It’s perfect.  Light breeze, sunny, low humidity.  I’ve been doing my chores while watching a Fixer Upper marathon on HGTV.  My sleep issues are bad enough now that I’m going to seriously put forth effort to eliminate them, starting tonight.  The only thing that’s really lacking from my sleep routine is closing my bedroom door with my cat on the outside.  She has several prime nap spots throughout my apartment, so she’ll adjust.  It’ll probably be harder on me than her.  If she cries, then I’ll let her in.  But other than crying, she’s kicked out from now on.  Sleep is just too necessary for my overall wellbeing.  I suspect that I’ll be less scatter-brained once I start sleeping regularly.

I have a pretty regular routine that’s otherwise working for me.  I think if I am asleep by 11PM and get up at 6AM, I’ll spend less time on obsessive behaviors that are overkill.  Such as when I wander about my apartment with a Swiffer duster, and dust everything.  It would be fine if I only did that once a day.  Or less.  But my mind disengages from the task to think about other things as I aimlessly dust.  It’s a step up from pacing, but not by much.  I do have allergies, so that’s probably good.  I think I might be craving mindfulness.  I didn’t see that coming.  Being efficient is important to me, so eliminating wasted time matters.  I did a 10 day forecast for Denver on a few sites, and one predicts light snow on Thursday and Friday.  While I love snow, it’s been so warm of late that I was planning to pack lightly and not bring a coat.  I think I’ll compromise and bring a hoodie.  I have my doubts about it snowing.  Probably because it’s so warm right now.

When I was changing my linens, my cat helped.  She was running around on my mattress while I was putting on the fitted sheet, and she went beneath it.  I put on 3 corners and then watched her chase my hand under the sheet.  It was so funny because she’s so vocal, and she was squeaking.  When she found her way out, I finished making my bed and she lay on my quilt and it looked so much like she was smiling.  I melted.  My cute little Purrminator.  She’s asleep on her tower of bad quilts right now, snoring.  My nephew is coming to visit, which is ridic considering I’m going there Friday, but I don’t mind.  He’ll be flying with me this time.  I can fly by myself easily, but he had something to do in Minneapolis, so he wanted to hang out and go with me.  He’s been working on some plans for my bed.  It’s going to be queen sized.  I prefer to feel enclosed when I sleep, so he’s doing a padded headboard that wraps around the sides a bit.  Then the footboard will also wrap around a bit, but will connect to the headboard above in a rounded arch.  It’ll all be upholstered in leather.  He said to imagine 2 Chesterfield sofas facing each other with a bed in the middle, and the backs of each sofa connecting in an arch above.

I can sort of visualize this.  I’ll probably float it in the middle of the room so that I can put my head at either end.  He’ll make a miniature version for my cat.  I’m leaning toward a cream colored leather with charcoal stitching.  The walls will be a light, pale pink.  I have to pick a rug and lamps.  I’m going to do a mural on the ceiling.  Surreal clouds.  Then I’ll choose a comfy reading chair and that’ll be it for my bedroom.  My closet was originally going to feature a swing in the middle.  That’s been scrapped, and instead I’m getting built ins for shoes, dressers, a bench, and big mirror.  I have an obscene number of t-shirts that I’ll be purging before I move.  But I use a flip-n-fold, and store them in baskets by color, so I’ll have cubbies for that.  Then drawers and hanging space.  He rendered it for me in 3D, so I have a good visual of how it’ll look.  I have to decide if I want to use wallpaper, paint, or leave exposed concrete and wood.

My floors are polished concrete in a light grey color.  I chose a high gloss.  I’m sure it will all come together later this summer.  My half bath has been finished for a while, and it’s bold and geeky-graphic.  I love it so much.  The toilet and pedestal sink are black, and there is black subway tile.  The ceiling is high gloss magenta.  It looks awesome.  The chandelier is cool, too. The mirror is oversized, and sculptural.  I have to find some hand towels for it, and am leaning toward getting black and white striped.  It’s Graphic-Geek-Whimsical in full effect.  It’s the first room I ever designed.  Here is the mural and similar products to get an idea:


The toilet and sink are the same high gloss black as the subway tile, and the floor is the same polished concrete as the rest of my place.  It’s the boldest room by far, but I haven’t done my playroom yet.  I’ll be getting in touch with my inner geeky, artistic collector in that room.  But for now, I only have to focus on paint colors and kitchen cabinets.  It’s nice having builders in the family.

“Nothing’s finer than being in your diner”?

Today has been good.  I’m catching everything the Depression Monster slings at me, and slaying it.  At this time next week, I’ll be in Denver.  I’m excited to go this time.  It’s odd, because I have a lot scheduled for a weekend trip.  Normally, I would feel anxious about having so much to do, but not this time.  I’m going on a Cannabis Tour that includes a visit to a grow warehouse, and lunch at a restaurant that specializes in curing the munchies.  Rice Krispie treats are an option for dessert, which is genius.  I haven’t gotten the munchies before, but I’ve also never turned down a Rice Krispie treat.  It’s a 4 hour tour, so there’s other stuff too.  There will be strangers, so it’ll be a good test to see if cannabis helps an Autistic person socialize more easily.

I’m going to base my results on whether or not I interact with anyone else on the tour, as well as how well I’m able to be among strangers for 4 hours.  Right now, it seems about 3 hours and 45 minutes too long.  Not terribly scientific, but it’ll at least determine if I should bother designing a more scientific test in the future.  If I remain with the group for the entire tour, I’ll call it a success.  If I remain for over 2 hours, it’ll merit a more scientific study in the future.  I know that right now, cannabis free, I would last about 20 minutes, and then get an Uber back to my hotel.  I would do this because it would shorten the length of time it will take for me to recover afterward.  If I succeed, it’ll take time to recover.  This is just how life with Autism is.  Social interactions with strangers are exhausting.

When I recover, I isolate as much as possible.  Then I hyperfocus on an activity until my cat or body object.  Rinse and repeat for however long it takes to feel recovered.  I don’t have data on how long it takes to recover because I refuse to measure the negatives.  I didn’t sleep last night.  I lay in bed and sang quietly while under my weighted blanket for a while.  I started to fall asleep, but Amelia Bedelia was batting her ball with a bell in it up and down the hallway at top speed.  It’s so cute how she really gets into it.  Her little butt wiggling just before she takes off is hilarious.  After hearing her do this a few times, I got up to play with her.  I’m powerless over her adorability.  Here she is on her “throne”.

It’s a pile of all my beginner quilts. They all have mistakes I made as I was learning.  I’m still learning, and still a beginner, but I’ve managed to overcome some of my past errors.  I got some new material through MassDrop for my next quilt.  I haven’t researched paper piecing yet.  I’ve been practicing my crocheting a bit.  I still suck at it.  It’s easier for me than knitting, though.  I’ve given up on knitting for now.  I don’t have enough hands, or something.

Spending the night is optional!

I lay down for over an hour, but sleep eludes me.  I’m too hot, but it’s not hot enough to justify turning on the AC.  I’m not old enough for this to be hot flashes related to menopause.  I’m just hot blooded, and I can’t sleep when I’m hot unless I’m exhausted.  My new phone arrives tomorrow.  I ordered the Samsung Galaxy S7 Edge.  My last Android phone was the Note 2, so it’s been a while.  My iPhone’s battery life is horrible of late.  I think I’m going to download an app to find out what’s eating it up so quickly.  It’s also feeling hot, so I removed it from the case.  I’ll put it in a different case tomorrow.  I’m too clumsy to use it unprotected.

I’m using my much neglected Chromebook.  I’ll like it better when I can log into it with my phone.  I do hate that there is no way to adjust the keyboard settings.  I’ll probably get used to it with more use.  For what it cost, it’s really a decent machine.  It’s the Toshiba version with 1080p IPS screen.  It’s a blatant copy of Apple’s macbook design, but I’m okay with that.  I’m still in a fuck Apple kind of mood.  Although, I’m pro encryption with no back doors for the government.  You want to think that nothing you do is of interest to any law enforcement agencies, but you know there’s always some asshole who abuses the privilege of access to people’s private information.  Last I checked, that asshole was an entire agency.

Most people with the ability to create something worth keeping private will also have the ability to keep it private.  I have a hard time finding sympathy for those who don’t even try.  With the internet, there aren’t really any more excuses for not learning.  At least not for those with access.  Lose your entire thesis because your system crashed and you didn’t save several times during creation?  Sucks being you.  Get hacked because your password was 1234?  Or password?  Or your street number, birthday, part of your phone number or SSN, or any other pathetic attempt at security?  Good.  Hopefully it will have convinced you to stop being a dumb ass.  Yeah.  No sympathy from me.

I’m looking forward to visiting Denver in a few weeks.  It’ll be a short visit, but I’ll manage to accomplish what I need to in that time.  I’ll be spending time with my new aide, and deciding on some finishes.  I’m anxious about spending time with her.  I’ve met her, and we’ve texted, but still anxious.  At least she has a dog.  That will help.  My cat has been cracking me up today.  She’s a lap kitty, and she doesn’t care if I get up constantly.  She’ll sit where I was and wait for me to return, then climb back into my lap.  When I’m hot, I have a tendency to set her down.  But she’s not having it.  Right back into my lap the second I let go.  So I’m just dealing with it.  It’s funny.

I suspect she would love it if I got a kitten, but I don’t know if I’m up for it.  Amelia Bedelia is really good about leaving things alone.  She doesn’t chew cords, or anything.  She will knock everything off every surface, but usually to get my attention.  Kittens require paying attention more than I do now.  I doubt I’ll do it.  I spend enough time with her, and play with her often.  It’s the wee hours when I actually sleep that I worry she’s lonely.  But she spends most of the night sleeping with me, so maybe I’m just overthinking it.

My mind is uncomfortable right now.  I feel the need to do some artwork, but there are so many other things I’d rather do instead.  I know that putting it off means that nagging feeling will remain, but I’m so scattered right now that it’s hard for me to focus on a new task.  I think I’m in pre-meltdown.  I’m probably too tired to narrow down what I need to do to stop it.  It’s weird.  I don’t feel sleepy, but I’m very tired.  I can barely focus enough to make sense while writing this.  I have some OTC sleep aids, but they don’t always work.  Often they just give me vertigo and nausea, but don’t help me sleep.  This is one thing that I won’t have to deal with after I move.  Indica lets me sleep so easily.  It’s the perfect off switch for me.

I just realized the only thing running doesn’t help with:  Sleeping.  Sigh.  I guess I’ll read some more.  I just finished The Dragon’s Path by Daniel Abraham.  I’m a few pages into book 2.  It’s my first time reading this author.  His style is different.  It’s too soon to pinpoint what about his writing is different.  So far it seems like he’s writing from farther back than others.  Not farther back in time.  Like he’s more detached from the story.  After I’ve read a few more of his books, I’ll be able to articulate it better.  I’m enjoying it, though.