“I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.”

Please take your time. There is much to see.

Welp, it’s time to say goodbye to 2019.  There were some fab experiences and connections made, recovered, maintained, and held onto by a thread (at least in my head.)  The Beyoncè Show was technically in 2018, but it was a bucket list item, so it counts forever.  The same goes for the Fleetwood Mac concert in February.  (Just typing that made me smile.)  It was a therapeutic event at a time when I felt isolated from my (geographical) community.  Witnessing Fleetwood Mac perform in my hometown while surrounded by locals (of Sioux Falls) felt healing on levels I didn’t know existed.

It was a fantastic celebration (after taking the risk and actively doing something to help repair the breach.)  Podcasts became my second favorite infotainment after novels.  (Not thrilled with that word but beggars and all that.)  I can watch non-animated TV again.  I’m delighted I reclaimed this ability while Game of Thrones happened.  I love being alive while people produce excellence together and create something so shiny it moves the world.  I don’t have permission to share things related to (non-famous) people in my world.  Suffice to say; there are people in my tribe who share about themselves things that make me look at them the way I look at Beyoncé. 😆

There was a considerable increase in the number of people I adore.  Cool.  (I think it has something to do with going Full Auntie.)  I learned how to forgive myself and others more effectively.  I’ve (mostly) accepted it’s a necessary and inevitable process that’s not improved by delay.  I’m working on what to do after I’ve forgiven someone who won’t outgrow their offense.  For now, gentle indifference.  I firmly believe in post-mistake recovery.  I can’t believe in throwing people away forever.  Social rules and individuals are both (potentially) fallible and ever-changing.

leaves representing harmony

Figuratively burying outcasts landmines where we all walk is weak.  The Trauma Baton we insist on passing from generation to generation is holding us back as a species in a significant way.  From my viewpoint, it seems we’re finally beginning to address this cycle, which gives me great hope for the future.  I love imagining a world full of emotionally healthy people who aren’t merely surviving or reacting to the past but actively creating the present to support a future in which we can all thrive.  We’ll still have strife and challenges.  They’ll be new, and we’ll figure out how to overcome them, too.  We’re sofa king awesome.  Heh.

I continue to practice being present in my body.  Learning this skill involved acknowledging how much I used to dissociate.  I’m alarmed by how long I lived while not existing in my body, but don’t see any need to delve deeper.  I don’t live that way anymore.  It was something I did to survive, and I’m thankful I had the skill when I needed it.  It feels almost like getting my first 4k HDTV.  Everything looks more honest.  I didn’t know my view was blurry until it wasn’t.  I like it.  The details reveal imperfection and beauty in balance, and now I can believe what I see.  (Shivers while climbing out of my Matrix pod.)   🤭

Next year I’m going to drink more water.  I think I’m getting about half of what I need, which is an improvement over 2018.  Heh.  Pretty sure I’m going to nail it.  I watched episode 10 of The Read TV show.  I laughed so hardCHIKA had me on the floor.  Kid Fury and Crissle do a lot of subtle physical comedy that enhances the hilarious things they say.  When Kid Fury abruptly got up and walked off after Young M.A. cozied up to Crissle, I laughed for like half an hour.  Dear Fuse, (or HBO or Netflix in case Fuse doesn’t like money🙂  I love the show so much, and I need more.  (After they recover, of course.)  I hope everyone knew joy while celebrating holidays (or ignoring them.)  I’m off to beat my drums with sticks. ✌🏽💜

p.s. If the season finds you stapled to the floor by despair, please summon the courage to connect with someone who can help. 💜  International Suicide Hotlines