“Jerry, you’re getting your father too excited.”

50th birthday cake

Welp.  You know what? I’m 50 years old!!!  Can you believe it?  I made it!  I win!  I survived everything the universe has thrown at me for half a freakin’ century!  Every time I remember, I feel a surge of overwhelming joy. 🙃 (Also, chicken butt.) I stayed in my apartment and lay low on my birthday because I can’t believe I’m still alive!  I nearly convinced myself there would be a life-ending freak accident that day, merely to send me on to whatever comes next while laughing my ass off.  The universe likes to play like that, don’t you know. 🤭

I can still breakdance, but I won’t because it’s so not worth the painful (and embarrassingly long) recovery period.  I’m satisfied just knowing if I end up in a life or death situation where breakdancing is my only path to survival, game on.  💪🏾 Dr. Keia reduced me to a quivering puddle of goo on the floor from laughing at her Pet Peeve this week on the Gettin’ Grown podcast.  (It didn’t help that I could hear Jade ugly laughing with me in the background, probably also from the floor.)  For some reason, in my head, Dr. Keia morphed into Marsai Martin while delivering her sound (and hilarious) advice on just how hot lukewarm my summer should be at my age.  (Yep.  It’s fun in my head.)  😂

Marsai Martin
Photo by Martina Tolot

My attempt to eat my way through my junk food stash before starting a new diet had less than ideal results.  Before I finished, I overindulged, and now I don’t like junk food anymore until I forget this happened.  I realize I panicked and did the opposite.  Whoops.  (Flashback to my brother punching me in the shoulder, then asking, “What did you learn?”)  Sigh.  So my do-over will consist of slowly lowering my carb and sugar intake over a month to the goal amount.

Once I master that, I’ll move on to step two.  (I forgot about baby-stepping.  Doy.)  😉  It’s not a diet; it’s a tweak.  Introducing crunches into my daily routine has gone smoothly.  I cheat on all exercise-related activity by turning on Beyoncé’s Homecoming while I do it.  It makes exercise as appealing as eating cake while getting a massage by someone whose touch reminds you of why having a body is magnificent.  (Also, I laughed so hard when Le Twins used their interview to tell Taylor they wouldn’t dance for her.) 🤣

jon-tyson-1581881-unsplash

I watched the first episode of Euphoria, thanks to Dustin from The Friend Zone podcast.  I believe it’s the most intimate portrayal of Generation Z I’ve seen so far.  I can tell from just that episode it’s mandatory viewing with my full attention.  It’s not my world anymore.  I recognize my role is to support the millennials who are spreading their wings and training their skills.  It’s their turn in the natural order of things.  Today’s young people are traumatized by the state of the world before they even get a chance to find their place in it.  As an adult, I must act.  Therefore, retired now means time privilege to address these big-picture issues.

My life so far has made me willful, resilient, joyful, forgiving, and loving.  I’m my own best friend.  I trust my ability to cope with whatever comes my way.  (I was there all those times life was kicking my ass, and I took notes.  Then eventually, I applied them when I realized it was also necessary.)  🤪  I’m impressed by the younger generations.  It’s evident to me they represent a better version of humanity.  It’s hard for me to elaborate, but I’m honored to support them in whatever ways I can.   They generally make me proud.  I’m off to read.  ✌🏾💜

“For I have seen the nipple on your soul!”

why so curious?

I’m in a weird mood.  I’m having fun with it.  It’s probably vibrations of joy and contemplation from the recent Fleetwood Mac concert I attended.  It takes me a while to process everything I took in that night.  I’m also a bit stingy about sharing what I experienced.  (I’ll work on that.)  Here’s a gem:  After singing Gold Dust Woman, Stevie Nicks swirled into gold dust and faded to black.  The FX was so ingenious, I was compelled to turn and ask the nearest person, “Did you see that?!”  😆

I caught up on a few of my TV shows.  I can’t wait for season 6 of Grace and Frankie to begin (next year.)  I had a blast binge-watching it.  I started over with Westworld.  Season 3 airs soon, and I need at least one more viewing first.  The show is lush with depth and detail.  I’m learning so much about music from the soundtrack.  When I heard the instrumental cover of Nirvana’s Heart-Shaped Box by Ramin Djawadi, I gasped from being smacked by genius.  (It’s on Tidal.)

everything is connected

Now I need Amy Lee to record this song.  Just her and a magnificent grand piano of her choosing under a foggy spotlight.  And when you think it can’t get any better, enter Beyoncè singing the chorus and moving however the music takes her.  Their haunting harmonies on the next verse hold us hostage until Jay Z walks in and starts freestyling, and the beat surfaces and swells.

Freeze on a 360° image that slowly pans around, revealing all three artists in an intense moment of complete release.  Then resume at normal speed as they all meld into a beautiful, painful explosion of music so powerful it moves the world.  And finally, cut to me in the ER, and a doctor is yelling, clear!  Because my heart would explode like a heart-shaped box.  Heh.  Weird mood, indeed.  🙃

We got a fair amount of snow and some freezing rain on top.  It was knee-high on my balcony, yesterday.  Today it’s melting away, resulting in several icicles forming about a foot in front of (and above) the door.  The temptation to jump up and slap them away is more significant than I’m willing to admit this far into my forties.  Wait.  Dammit, ego!  Lay by your bowl!  I’d do it if not for the icy landing zone.  (I’m newly considerate of my hips years old.)  I’m off to band practice.  💜✌🏽

“I’m queen of the castle.”

spring flowers

I’m shakily maintaining while adjusting to changes in the plan for my upcoming trip.  It’s happening in stages starting with a near complete meltdown and working back from there.  It feels like coming to an unexpected and abrupt halt after coasting quickly.  I guess I acquired a bit of whiplash.  I’ve spent a good part of today reasoning with myself, and have finally convinced myself it’s a mere speedbump.

I can do this.  I need to calm down and start over.  My new mantra is:  If the music is still playing, everything is alright.  (I got it from the last time I fell while running with music.)  Sometimes being literal is helpful.  I’m going to play pinball on PlayStation 4 later to resolve the knot in my gut.  I had fun practicing with my band yesterday, but unwinding afterward was difficult.  I’d like to list my tendency to become over-excited on eBay.  I’ll even throw in a box of Hot Tamales (because yum.)

It’s nearly 70° F today.  All the snow is gone from my balcony, although there are still little piles from clearing the parking lots.  There are lots of people out walking dogs and babies.  The birds are singing outside, too.  It’s a comforting sound.  I also like the music of cars driving by with their windows down and systems up.   And an airplane flying by every so often.  Outside sounds lovely in spring.

I’m reading a fascinating book by Octavia E. Butler titled, Dawn.  It’s part of a near-future speculative fiction trilogy.  (I’ll try not to give any spoilers.)  It involves a group of humans rescued from the dying post-nuclear earth by aliens.  And the price they may end up paying for the favor.  That’s probably all I can say without giving anything away.  I’m enthralled and already ordered the next two books.

I think my sporadic pleas to the universe to send some aliens already motivated my choice.  I think I love books as much as music.  I was going to say, and that’s saying something, but then it occurred to me it’s saying nothing to anyone but me.  😂  I just cracked myself up.  I finished John Scalzi’s latest, Head On, previously.  I suspect it’s going to be a favorite among several stories in the same universe, much like Old Man’s War series.  I enjoyed the book.  It changed the tone of the series a bit from the more serious first installment; Lock In.  I hope that’s not a spoiler.  🙃

Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor was another recent book I loved.  So much for my idea to curb my reading a bit this year.  I forgot why I even thought it was necessary.  😂  It’s not interfering with my writing or music, so it’s all good.  Oh right, it was something about sleep.  Over it.  I’m off to look for Coachella videos of Beyoncé on YouTube.  I heard excellent things.  😆