“I can’t believe we put it off until today, and then we couldn’t do anything because Elaine runs out to apologize to a virgin, crosses against a light, and knocks over a Chinese delivery boy.”


I got nothing for Christmas this year.  (It’s because I told everyone I’m not celebrating Christmas.)  I’m holding out for Easter because I find it far more impressive.  Babies are born to virgins all the time, (she said, sardonically.)  Zombies, however, are supposedly rare, (outside our imaginations.)  Jesus Christ is the best zombie ever.  Can I get an amen?  Please note, I’m using white privilege (facetiously) when making these statements by assuming everyone in America, (or an English speaking country) is Christian.  Growing up in America means automatic indoctrination to the Christian faith to some degree, but we worship the way taught, the way we choose, or not at all, (when allowed.)

The only people in America who haven’t been tainted by white privilege are children.  (Very young children.)  There may be other small groups who are incredibly insular, as well.  White privilege is more complicated than the name reveals.  I’m black, but I’m also American.  I’m currently exorcising WP from my thought processes.  I don’t allow myself to resent this necessary transformation because everyone I know has the same burden.  I have friends who are Canadian, Scottish, and British who are also reprogramming their minds to eliminate their contribution to this serious problem in the western world.

I’m still identifying problematic thinking as I go.  It’s disturbing every time.  It hurts a lot to realize I’ve been unwittingly contributing to the repression of people of color.  I’m one of them.  I initially thought it meant I was off the hook.  As if.  Unless you’re Amish, you probably bear this burden too, regardless of race.  I was raised in South Dakota by Caucasian parents, to boot.  It’s a painful and possibly lengthy process, but I’m committed with all my heart.

I’m just trying to make it through this life without contributing to The Pain.  There’s too much as it is.  If I can lessen it, I’ll consider myself a smashing success.  I’ll also strut around like I’m Wanda Sykes, probably.  (I’m excellent at celebrating (any of) my accomplishments.  It seems prudent.)  I’m having a blast in Denver.  I love it here.  So does M.  I think he’s in the early stages of considering a move.  Oddly, it doesn’t frighten me at all.

It’s possible I’m second-hand high (from a recent visit with an adult relative.)  It just occurred to me.  I bet any stoners who read this are thinking, “I began suspecting a few paragraphs back.”  Heh.  I don’t think Stevie Nicks would be upset if she knew I got high accidentally.  I don’t use drugs period, (which is what I believe she would advise me if she knew I existed.)   I witnessed her saying the same anti-drug message from her own lips, more than three times in different HD videos on YouTube.  (That’s how I sift out the bullshit.)

I forgot what I wanted to blog about.  Sorry about how weird this post is.  (A little.  Heh.)  Oh, right!  My girl, Keia, from the Gettin’ Grown podcast, said she can’t recall ever being called the n-word to her face.  It knocked me over and said booyah!  It never occurred to me this was possible on earth.  It makes me so happy I cried a little.  Now I’m going to celebrate this beautiful fact.  She’s a lot younger than me (from her perspective, probably.)

So that’s what made me want to share.  If so inclined, drink one for Keia’s journey, (+10 if you thought of Kino’s Journey.)  May she, and all yet to exist, always be spared.  Cheers.  💜 (Walks away, singing Zombie, by The Cranberries.)

Mom, Dad… I have fleas…

(Reads previous post and cringes.)  I’ve tried to hang on to my rage, but it fled about ten minutes after I published my rant.  I can’t stay angry for shit.  It takes too much energy for something that accomplishes nothing.  I worked on my quilt a bit earlier.  I’m hand quilting for the first time (though I wish I picked a smaller quilt.)  I understand why thimbles exist, now.  I discovered this after sewing through the top few layers of skin on my finger, (and wondered why my quilt was stuck to me.)  Still, no blood lost, though.  I’m using Wonder Woman flannel for the back, and black and white striped fabric for the binding.

I think drumming is improving my motor skills.  I don’t bother with the tools built in my module to test my timing anymore.  I get 100% every time now (which kinda ruined the fun.)  I think it’s intended for noobs who are learning drums as their first instrument.  Or people who don’t practice very often, perhaps.  I keep talking myself out of building my own drum module (and programming it not to suck.)  My brain won’t leave it there, however.  If I do that, I’ll want to sell it to others, which means I’d have to make it talk to Yamaha, Roland, Alesis, etc.  And that means coding for the proprietary hardware of competing companies.  (The horror!)  There, I just talked myself out of it again.

I watched Tina Fey’s Weekend Update segment.  I love her.  Oddly, it didn’t make me want cake.  (Probably because it got massacred hilariously.)  I lived in Boston while earning my Ph.D.  Watching 20k people show up to march today made me miss it.  It was incredible, and many pointed out they far outnumbered 45’s inaugural farce.  I hope they know their actions today healed some of the hurt, so many of us carry in silence.  I hope they know it made me so proud of them.  They are my America.  Sassy, bold, peaceful, and not having IT.  It led me to say something I haven’t in a while;  I love my country.

I spent much of the day doing chores and hanging out with M’s mom.  She braided my hair, (and it’s not tearful tight, yay.)  I finished Far From the Madding Crowd and began the last of the Thomas Hardy novels I downloaded.  Tess of the d’Ubervilles.  I’m going to read books by women authors for a while after this.  I need a break from the (Victorian era) misogyny.  I might give Ann Rice another shot since she’s mentioned in one of Stevie Nicks’ songs.  (Fan logic. 😂)  Five days and a wake up until Stevie Nicks performs in St. Paul.  😊

I learned some things when I watched her concert DVDs.  Turns out, they don’t do all the new songs on their latest album.  It surprised me, and I’m disappointed.  (Not terribly, though, as I’d still love to see her perform any song.)  The last concert I recall attending was DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince with JJ Fad opening.  (Supersonic 😂)  It was an outdoor concert, and when he began, Parents Just Don’t Understand, the crowd surged forward, and all of us up front got pushed under the stage for a bit, (at which point they stopped the show to let us out.)  It was 102° F, and his hip hop dancers were drenched in sweat and looked like they were on the verge of heat stroke.  They ended the show early to prevent that.  It was still cool seeing Will Smith, though.  I’m off to read.

That doesn’t work, we’ll give ’em Kramer!

Fucking Nazi’s.  Since writing my open letter to the tiki torch-carrying losers, more information about their actions has been revealed through photos and video footage.  And of course, the murder of Heather Heyer.  I can’t pretend to be as shocked as most seem.  The overwhelming ignorance of oppression in America is like forcing the oppressed to smoke two packs of non-filtered cigarettes a day.  We can barely fucking breathe, and people think we experience the same lives they do.  Most non-oppressed people have no fucking idea what we go through.  They’ve seen some videos now, and are starting to believe we struggle, but they STILL don’t get it yet.

They have little frame of reference because they think watching Roots brought them up to speed.  They believe now overt slavery is banned, we’re all living equally ever after.  They think Obama succeeds because of Affirmative Action, rather than sheer will, hard work, and drive most can’t even comprehend. They hate him because his existence reminds them how pathetic they are in comparison.  He achieved something incredible, and instead of motivating them to work harder, it enraged those who don’t even dare try out of fear of having their darkest fear proven correct.  They’re terrified of looking at themselves, because they know there’s nothing great to see.  The utter lack of effort they’ve put into building themselves up destroyed any self-esteem they managed to develop.  They surrendered before even trying because it was easier.

How many of you know someone branded by racist pricks?  I served with someone who bore this scar (while honorably serving the nation that enabled his torture.)  They used the same tools they use to torture livestock.  He escaped before the lynching.  This happened in the 70’s in America before the internet made it easier to expose racist evil.  When I saw his melted, scarred tissue, he quickly covered it and refused to speak of what happened.

I found out when he got drunk one night and sat up telling me his history.  I lost a lot of ignorance and innocence that night.  He was detained by racist fuckwads after school for a beat down, and was injured, (2 broken ribs from being repeatedly kicked while down.)  It made him miss his bus, and he had to walk home alone.  He was ambushed, beaten further, and branded, in preparation for a fucking LYNCHING.

They tried to horrifically murder him for walking down the street with brown skin.  He was a 9-year-old child.  It made me vomit.  My childhood was heaven in comparison.  (The difference being location, location, location.)  My family settled in an area that isn’t dominated by hate, bitterness, ignorance, and fear.  In the south, they celebrate this type of behavior.  Think about that.  This is only one horror story.  There are far, far more.  This one didn’t end in murder, but he’ll bear the scars for life.  I decided that night I’d never visit the Hate States.  I would never willingly go there, knowing evil murderers walk free as a matter of course.

Not everyone in the south has committed such atrocities.  However, everyone in the south lives among these demons.  They’re your neighbors.  You might not be aware of their evil activities.  Our fucking AG (attorney general) is a racist prick who lied under oath and colluded with the enemy to gain his ironic post.  Jeff Sessions is what a demon looks like.  (He’s an angel compared to Mike Pence.)  I wonder how many children he’s tortured and murdered.  I hope he dies in a fire.  I hope all who pose as humans while behaving as demons are annihilated.  They’re enemies of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  They’re traitors to our beloved nation.  Every time they inhale, it’s a tragedy.

Nazi’s need to crawl under a rock and stay hidden until they die as miserably as they lived.  I don’t differentiate between the groups, with all their various disguises.  They’re all one group.  Enemy.  Evangelicals, white supremacists, the GOP, neo-Nazi’s, and whatever other names they’re hiding behind.  All expendable pieces of shit holding America back from achieving further greatness.  All hateful and evil.  All bent on ethnically cleansing the United States of America until all that remains are the privileged:  Those with white skin.

Only, it won’t stop there.  The only way vile pseudo-humans can feel okay about themselves is to belittle and oppress others while falsely inflating their single qualifying attribute, (like 45.)  It’s incredibly weak and evil.  Spoiler alert:  Once the brown people are gone, they’ll turn and come after you.  Do you have brown eyes?  Brown hair?  Freckles?  Maybe that means you’re not actually white.  They don’t use science to make these determinations, so it’s only a matter of time.

And all this evil is made possible by people who only stand up for what they think affects them directly.

It’s the American way.  Nazi’s are exterminating people in vast numbers in concentration camps?  Do we come storming to the rescue?  Fuck no.  We wait until a Divine Wind awakens the Sleeping (self-interested) Giant before we decide this is UNACCEPTABLE FUCKING behavior.  Still, think America is number one?  The world police?  Think again.  America is a fickle bitch who only helps when it’s profitable.  We value money over human life as a nation.  By a long fucking shot, too.  If you come between the rich and their god (money,) some of them will kill you for it.  Not with their own hands, mind you.  They’ll hire someone to do it on their behalf so they can continue pretending their elite.  Koch brothers?  Fucking evil pricks bent on killing the planet to get RICHER THAN THEY ALREADY FUCKING ARE NOW.  They’re enemies of life.  Die. in. a. fucking. fire. Koch. demons.

The only rich people who don’t deserve to perish in a fire are the ones who earned their wealth through success, not through conquest and loopholes.  Most are only rich because of inheritance, fraud, and theft.  They cheated.  They didn’t spend years training themselves to excel as an artist, scholar, inventor, etc.  They haven’t achieved anything.  They got their status for being born.  They got it by a fucking loophole.  They’re pampered and privileged and live in bubbles of unreality.  They don’t live in the real world and aren’t subject to real consequences or strife because their $god protects them.  From everything, including murder.

The sickest part is these loophole lottery winners rarely contribute to humanity in any way.  They don’t create.  They consume disproportionate resources.  They pollute more with their private jets and multiple McMansions.  They usually live and die unnoticed, having done nothing of note.  Most of them aren’t even happy in their perfect lives because they can’t trust anyone to love them sincerely.  Here’s a hint:  It’s because you bypassed the type of life that leads to good character.  You were too busy being pampered and elitist to deign to even speak to someone who isn’t worth a billion dollars, so you don’t know anyone who isn’t a human decoration with no purpose but to consume and look cute while doing it.  Sad!

It pisses me off because it’s such a waste.  What if  Einstein had a father like 45, and was rewarded for existing?  What if his potential was smothered with excess and sycophancy?  Those who put forth nothing and gain everything are a waste of oxygen, a bad example to those more impressionable than reasonable, and a drain on our planet’s resources with zero returns.  If a leech attaches to your body, you pull it off and shudder in disgust.  Why aren’t we doing the same with the parasites draining the lifeblood out of America?  I don’t understand why we continue jumping off the cliff like fucking lemmings.  The only way I can conjure an explanation is to accept the planet is rejecting homo sapiens as a species.

It would explain why we aid in our own murders.  Why we venerate our killers rather than annihilating them.  We as a nation are fucking pathetic because we usually don’t give a fuck until it hurts.  Short-sightedness, ignorance, and evil are steering humanity toward utter destruction.  We’re failing at survival because a few fuckwads want more wealth than they’ve already stolen.  It’s never enough because it doesn’t fill the void where their souls should be.  Instead of recognizing this, they just keep taking more.  Allowing them to continue is America’s shame and pending destruction.

If there is consciousness after death, and I highly doubt it, we’ll just use it to lament our pathetic failure to survive.  It’s easier to give up, surrender, look away, walk away, and pretend it’ll all go away if we do nothing.  We’re dying as a species because life took too much effort for some people to bother even trying to live honorably.  I’m starting to think it might be for the best.  When I see Nazi’s brutalizing citizens while openly brandishing weapons so powerful the police take cover, I think maybe homo sapiens is a virus, and the planet would be better off without us.

My protective nature is beginning to recognize the planet is more worthy of saving than we who are destroying it.  I’m starting to think I’ve wasted my life loving humans more than trees and seas.  I’m finding it harder to recognize our potential as a species because it’s buried under so much hate it can only be seen with faith.  Why?  Because a few are unbelievably evil, and for some reason, we don’t kill them for it.  We let them lay waste unmolested and pretend we couldn’t prevent it.  We all lose if we don’t stop them.  Our extinction event is set to be self-destruction.  No comets, aliens, or zombies necessary.

I think it’s B.O.!

Open Letter to the tiki torch carriers in North Carolina:

I woke up this morning and (eventually) checked my Twitter feed.  Oh.  A demonstration in North Carolina by angry, privileged, and misled individuals carrying tiki torches.  You’re upset because despite having an entire nation specifically designed to give you a better shot at everything in life, you’re still not thriving.  It’s not enough you’ve never experienced life surrounded by hateful people who despise you for existing.  You don’t even know what it’s like to face life without every possible advantage at your disposal.  You can’t imagine it.  It’s much easier to ignore these facts, and pretend to be the victim, instead, eh?

It’s also simpler to waste your life than live it to it’s fullest.  Privilege is an advantage, but it doesn’t live your life for you.  It doesn’t guarantee you will be on top of everyone else.  It doesn’t automatically make you awesome.  You still have to get off your lazy ass and build your life with effort, which is what truthfully has you so upset.  It’s unfortunate you didn’t focus on making yourself into someone you can love, and instead chose to concentrate on hating everyone else.  Every single one who carried their tiki torch around the church, while spewing racial slurs and saluting a dead, meth addicted loser, has publicly announced you are a miserable piece of shit.

That was precisely the message you delivered.  Nobody saw you, and thought, “Hey!  This person has factual information to share with the world!”  We looked at you and were disgusted.  What a pathetic tiki tantrum by spoiled brats who haven’t figured out how to adult yet.  We don’t pity your invented woes.  We know your cause is bullshit.  We are aware you’re merely proving yourself one of the poor fools who fell for (weak) propaganda because it was easy and didn’t take any effort.  You just want to be a terrorist without consequence, and this group will take anyone with white skin.  Finally, you get to fit in without effort or policing your poorly formed personality.  How sad.

Barrack Obama was President of the United States of America for eight years.  He has brown skin.  Obama overcame every single obstacle that stood in his way.  Not one of you tiki torch carrying fuckwads has even faced a single one of the barriers he conquered.  Instead, you’re bent on creating more barriers to ensure such an incredible achievement never happens again.  Even with all the privilege and advantages, in this beautiful country where you automatically have a far better shot at life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,  merely for existing, you’re still losers.  That’s so fucking pathetic it’s hard to believe it’s even possible.  Holy shit.

The worst part is the why.  Why are you so miserable and pathetic?  The answer is simple.  You chose this.  You looked at all the opportunities America has to offer you, and said, “Nah, that all sounds like hard work.  Instead, I’m just going to make it harder for everyone else, and then pout over not being treated as if I’m valued, when all I have to offer is hate and destruction.”  On second thought, I do pity you.  If I see you on the street with your bug repelling torch, I’ll hug you.  I can’t imagine how awful it feels to be you.  Besides, you’re alive, which entitles you to my consideration.  You don’t even need skin for me to consider you and your feelings.  But if you strike me, my return will end you, so don’t.  Take the hug or don’t.  It’s yours to accept or reject.

Instead of choosing to be hateful, you can always change your mind and embrace all of America in her glory.  Together, we’re amazing.  I’d rather you were part of our greatness because I  suspect you have something inside you that makes you one of a kind.  Not part of some angry group looking foolish.  Just you, alone, without all the fake baggage.  Oh, there you are!  I can see you better when you’re not pretending to be a psychopath.  I don’t even believe you hate other Americans.  I think you’re angry and frustrated.  You’ve accepted a lot of bullshit as true and decided to go with it because you know you can get away with it, (now.)

I’m hoping you figure out this path leads to a dark empty place.  Many have traveled it, but none of them are still around to share.  You’ve chosen the team that will lose every single time, regardless of how much money and KGB bots feeding the effort.  In the end, love and life always win.  They’re the point, silly.  So think again about who you want to anchor yourself to, and why.  Do you want to spend the rest of your life angry and miserable?  Many have chosen to do this.  We have diseases named after them.  I hope you decide you want far more.  I hope you opt to be honest.  The hate is your thing.  I don’t hate you.  If I did, I wouldn’t bother writing this.

I love you for being alive.  I’m angry you’ve chosen misery because I know it’s a choice.  Nobody is forcing you to go down this road.  You’re truly only hurting yourself.  Don’t do that.  Life is hard enough without sabotaging it.  You know what’s right and wrong.  You’re free to choose.  Just remember, every choice has consequences.  You’re probably going to get away with terrorizing North Carolinians last night because of your white privilege.  Nobody is shocked by this because we live in a nation that doesn’t treat everyone equally.  We hate it.  We fight it.  We do whatever we can do legally to try and even the playing field.  We don’t show up and terrorize you, though.  We treat you better than you deserve, and you make us beg just to exist.

I hope you think about what kind of future you want for yourself, and make better choices.  Your white skin isn’t necessarily going to protect you forever, so please work on building yourself into a decent individual.  Nobody can do it but you.



You’re not a little anything, Newman.

My mom taught me a trick when I was a young girl to help build up my confidence.  It involved visualizing what I want to change.  It helped with team sports.  (I still sucked, but I sucked confidently.)  I’ve decided to employ this technique with 45 and the complicit GOP members.  I plan on making a graphic a day to help visualize 45 going away.  Please feel free to play along.  I just pictured 45 in an orange prison jumpsuit.

I hope they can find one to fit his rapidly expanding girth.  (Stress eating is a bitch.)  Now I see him floating around like in the movie, Dune, as Baron “45” Harkkonen, since he’s also not a walker.  Interestingly, they share a personality, too.

Okay, now feel free to picture Sting coming out of the steamer.

I know, right?  (Snapping gum.)  Where was I?  Right.  At this point, my inclination is to visualize Putin dying in a fire.  (Thanks, Pussy Riot!)

I remember a time when I would have been hesitant to wish ill on anyone.  Not in this case.  As I’ve repeatedly stated in this blog, I’m a protector.  I despise those who live to destroy, murder, and terrorize.  Putin is a danger to the living.  He’s expendable.  All fascists are expendable.  Die in a fire, you fucking Hitler wannabe.  You’re evil and pathetic.

45 is probably unwell.  However, he’s still accountable for his actions.  The GOP is complicit.  All my representatives are complicit members of the GOP, which clearly stands for Groupies of Putin.  Or Gluttons of Power.  Disgusting.  Naturally, they haven’t commented on the latest White Terrorist attack.  They’re complicit in the increased racist violence, too.  45’s normalization and participation in white supremacy are complicit.  The people who continue to support him are complicit.  They’re normalizing his disastrous reign and cheering him on.  Some of them are incapable of recognizing their error.  Others are just evil.  Some don’t care and enjoy being deplorable.  Every one of them who shares their support on the internet will be remembered for their treachery, although, the vast majority believe they’re not accountable for what they say when (they think) they’re anonymous.

Nobody is anonymous on the internet.  Just like there’s no such thing as hacker-proof software.  The footprints made on the web today will be easily retraced tomorrow, with faster and more powerful hardware.  So go ahead and be a troll.  Just don’t cry when it comes back to bite you in the ass.  I’ll be the one pointing and laughing.  Karma’s a bitch, too.  Off to visualize.

This whole thing is George’s fault.

I finally slept for more than a few hours in a row.  Oddly, I feel tired.  I think I’m hungover from too much sleep.  It’ll pass.  In the meantime, I’ll just be functioning in slow motion.  I think more when in this mode.  I’ve been pondering the obvious wrongness going on in our government.  I struggle to grasp the depravity of some elected officials meant to serve the people.  It lacks any logic.  I have a hard time processing illogical concepts.  My mind rebels.

I’m literal by default.  I always process the literal interpretation first, then run through a few alternatives.  When I’m overtired, stressed, or anxious, I tend to skip the latter and run with the literal.  It results in my looking foolish about 72% of the time.  The other 28% leaves me feeling awesome, so it feels fair enough.  I’m better at recovering from looking foolish, now.  It rarely involves tears these days.  I’ve developed a relatively efficient means of communicating in real time with others by trial and error.  It no longer feels like we’re speaking different languages at each other with no comprehension or interest in the other’s words.  Surprisingly, the most efficient way of conquering this issue was improving my listening skills, not my language skills.

My inability to control my adrenaline is a major factor.  It’s been the bain of my social existence.  For most of my life, having a conversation with someone has been barely worth the effort it takes to pull it off.  Connecting with someone is a nice prize, though.  I love people, they fascinate me.  There’s just so much to a person it boggles my mind.  So I keep trying.  I learned that conversations have a rhythm.  They’re more music than mathematics.  Conversations are dynamic and unpredictable.  No magical formula fits all situations.  Each conversation is unique and dependent on the participants.

Basically, it’s rocket science.  I’m not sure if I was pleased or disappointed to realize most people don’t have deep conversations on a regular basis.  Most people communicate pragmatically.  While it makes participation easier for me, it deflates my expectations gained from reading novels.  I’ve matured to the point where I don’t interrogate the people I meet to extract as much information about them as possible up front.  There were many things wrong with my technique.  But most importantly, it was because people didn’t know the answers to my questions.  They didn’t think about the things I wanted to know about them.  At best, they would tell me what they wanted me to think.

I learned there are many ways of processing the same information.  That’s remained a frustration.  It makes the word intuitive useless.  It explains why something I find hilarious might be offensive to someone else.  It’s unfortunate we don’t all prefer the funny interpretation by default.  I’d rather live in that world.  The laugh-a-lot world.  Well, I kinda do.  In my mind, I try to see the funny side of everything, but I’ve learned to keep it to myself.  I chose the disciplined path at the beginning of my adulthood on purpose.  I’m sure I’ve mentioned I was an arrogant smart-ass when I arrived at basic training.  The Army cured me.  Military discipline consists of forcing you to get over yourself through heavy labor, repetitive, nonsensical tasks, and humiliation until you see the error in your ways.  It’s as painful as it is effective.  The Army is twisted like that.

While I’m glad to have served, I don’t encourage others to do the same anymore.  The military is being built up for no reason while what America really needs is good, affordable healthcare.  Cancer, AIDS, heart disease, diabetes, addiction, obesity, etc.  These are the enemies of the American people.  The lie that we’re in danger from radical Islamic terrorists is played out.  It’s bullshit.  Their threat is minuscule in comparison to the health problems killing off our people on a daily basis.  Our domestic terrorism problem is more severe and requires addressing, not pretending it isn’t happening.  The Muslim ban is an agenda by greedy contractors who want to earn billions from building up a military that already surpasses that of any other nation by a huge margin.  The entire war on terrorism is a front for lucrative government contracts to build up a military that wastes it’s excesses and is corrupt at it’s highest levels.

There are other paths.  Not everyone is an arrogant smart-ass at 17.  I had much of the benefit of ‘White Privilege’ growing up, merely by being raised by Caucasian parents.  I went to the same private schools, played on the same teams, and participated in the same Girl Scout troop.  I had the president of a major national bank as a mentor in Junior Achievement, too.  And more.  I’m in a unique position, but it’s one of sadness.  I’m grateful for my childhood, and sad it was a privilege, and not available to all children.  When I first heard the term, ‘White Privilege,’ I thought it was a racial slur.  Then I learned it’s just another part of systematic racism in America.  It’s not just a black or white issue, of course.  There are Caucasians who didn’t get as much privilege from their white skin as others with the same white skin.  It comes down to several factors, but primarily, if your family was poor, you probably got shafted.  That’s fucked up for the human race.

I believe the children are our future.  Okay, I promise I won’t upload a track of me singing like I think I’m Whitney.  I do believe it, though.  Our most important and valuable asset on earth is our children.  They hold the hope of humanity.  It’s obvious on a primal level.  No child born on this planet should go without proper nutrition, education, medical care, shelter, and loving caretakers.  Everything else we do on this planet is moot unless we do our best for the children.  Survival of the species is the goal.  Everything else depends on it.  We need to lengthen our views and stop repeating the histories that continue to hold us back.  It’s so simple it’s obscene.  Stop taking more than your share.  Make sure the children are well cared for first, then do what you need to do to enjoy your life without hurting things that are alive.  That’s it.  That’s all we have to do to succeed as a species.

Those are my everyday balloons.

From this day forth, the walking orange boil growing on the white house shall be known as 45.


The visual reference is not my design, and the designer is unknown.  If you know, please state the artist in comments.  I’m astonished and saddened by what I see in America today.  So many who supported and voted for 45 are about to lose affordable access to healthcare.  Most of them have less than $1000 in savings if any.  Most of America would be devastated by the loss of a single months income.  How many have families who can help out financially in a crisis?  For how long?  When so many Americans are struggling to make ends meet, and living paycheck to paycheck, I wonder at the value of a beautiful three bedroom two bathroom house.  Who will be in the market to buy property when the majority are in debt?  What is the value of all the updates and work you’ve done over decades to increase the value of your home when so many others did the same thing with the same expectations?

I’ve never believed in land ownership.  It astonishes me that people think they can own land.  In reality, you can buy land, but you can’t own it.  The government has the option of defending the land we call America.  The military is capable.  Civilians feel confident about purchasing plots of dirt because they think the government will enforce the laws that protect ownership.  They see it as an investment.  They’re deluded, but they were lead on by thousands before them.  If you can’t physically defend the dirt you bought, it’s not yours.  It’s only yours as long as you can prevent someone else from taking it.

While we all stand by and watch 45 arrogantly break the laws and constitution of our government, while railing against the legal system, please pay attention.  Pay attention to how the built-in checks and balances perform.  Are they keeping the three branches of government in check?  Or is 45 the only power remaining?  Do our elected representatives use their position to protect our rights and interests, or are they filling their own pockets while emptying ours?  There are a lot of people in congress who only represent their wallet and personal image.  They don’t give a flying fuck about their constituents.  We’re an inconvenient annoyance they can easily ignore.  Watch how they respond to their constituents when they’re angry.  Do they speak with them, and seek strategies to represent the people better?  Or do they hire security and turn off their phones?  When is the last time you saw your representative?  Do you think they work for you?

Do you think your representatives are living paycheck to paycheck, and are about to lose access to affordable health care?  Don’t be silly.  My House Rep. makes $174,000/year (before bribes).  The median income for my state is $48,000/year.  They all have excellent health care.  We pay for theirs, but they don’t even want to allow ours to be affordable.  I bet they have more than $1000 in savings, too.  They aren’t worried about the mortgage, or the fact that they owe more than their home is worth.  Many of them own property in the D.C. area in addition to their homes in our states.  They aren’t making minimum wage, but many of them are fighting to keep minimum wage below the poverty line.  Who the fuck do they represent?

I vomited when Betsy DeVos was appointed.  I’m still in shock.  It’s comparable to appointing Bernie Madoff as Secretary of Treasury.  The woman is an ignoramus of astonishing proportions.  She was concerned about all the bears invading public schools.  Have you ever heard of a bear invading a school?  Not even on Little House on the Prairie.  She’s in charge of education.  She bought the position by donating to 45’s campaign.  It’s called a bribe.  Remember when 45 proudly proclaimed he paid for his campaign?  It was bullshit, much like every other word that exits his facial anus.  He lied to ignorant people, and they believed him.  They still believe him.  They get all their information from Fox News.  Rupert Murdoch owns Fox News.  The same Rupert Murdoch who had a meeting with 45 to discuss the content of Fox News.

Fox News will only show what 45 wants his flock to know.  They’re not allowed to watch other news channels.  It’s forbidden because 45 said it’s fake news.  So they continue feeding on his lies and think it’s truth.  They believe they’re behaving like Christians by blindly thinking what 45 tells them to think.  They haven’t caught on yet that 45 is going to fuck them.  He’s going to fuck them so hard.  Many of them are going to die before 45 finishes fucking them.  They are going to die for 45’s lies.  I know I’m supposed to feel self-righteous, or something, but I don’t.  I don’t feel good about the fact that so many who support 45 are going to suffer for it.  I feel sick about it.  I don’t want them to come to harm.  I want to protect them, even though I know they don’t care about me.

It would be easy to write them off and adopt a careless attitude.  Turning my back would be simple.  But that would be so weak.  It would be pathetic to feel joy over someone else’s pain.  That’s the mindset of a loser.  I’m not a loser.  I care about humans.  They matter to me.  I want our species to survive and expand throughout the galaxy and beyond.  You’d think most people would want this same goal, but I seem to be in the minority.  The majority are only concerned with getting by.  Shortsightedness is an enemy of the future.  It’s a symptom of being owned.  I had time to wrap my head around the concept of being owned by my government when I served in the military.  It’s a painful recognition process.  Most Americans don’t know they’re owned.  It’s a comfortable state of denial that’s about to get desperately uncomfortable for those who are living paycheck to paycheck.

I can’t find any joy in knowing my neighbors are being fucked over by the people they voted into office to protect their interests.  Their crime was ignorance.  You don’t punish ignorance, you educate it.  Unfortunately, 45 is the puppet of evil.  He’s a willing participant in the rape of America.  He’s not the first rapist or the second.  His strings are being pulled by evil men hiding in the shadows.  They hide because they’re ashamed of their insatiable greed.

They’re terrified of We the People.  Did you see Betsy DeVos rush to her SUV while We the People chanted shame?  She was terrified.  She knows her appointment is evil.  She hides behind the Christian card, like so many others.  DeVos knows if she associates herself with Christianity, she can do whatever she wants, and the American slaves will cheer.  But just in case we don’t cheer loudly enough, 45 will round up all the non-Christian slaves, and remove them.

If you don’t believe me, ask yourself why Border Patrol agents need to know someone’s religion before they can enter our nation.  Our country that was allegedly founded on religious freedom.  Those pilgrims who fled here from England to practice their religion, rather than the mandatory Church of England.  To reject Muslims based on their being Muslims is evil.  Evil.

There is no such thing as a billionaire Christian.  It’s an oxymoron.  The act of being a billionaire defies Christianity.  There is no way to reconcile hoarding a billion dollars while humans on the same planet are dying from starvation.  This is a simple fact.  Bill and Melinda Gates are not professed Christians.  They’re decent people.  They believe in humanity and goodness and live what they believe.  They don’t think they’re obligated to give but do anyway.  They give more than money, too.

But they are still billionaires on a planet where people die every day from starvation.  Decent is not the same as Christian.  I respect both, but I’m clear on the difference.  Jesus was clear in the Holy Bible as well.

I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.

You’ve seen a needle and a camel.  You get the gist.  It’s not rocket science.  I’m more inclined to believe this:

Books of ancient riddles and other peoples lives, used to control the masses.  Read between the lies.

I believe religion exists to control the masses.  Beyond that, my thoughts about religion are opinions.  As an American, I protect the right for other Americans to choose what they believe within the law.  Unlike sexuality, religion is a choice.  If Americans continue to abuse this right, I will continue to fight them.  Extremists claim to be Muslim or Christian to further their agenda, but their actions disprove this.  Extremists are violent and hateful.  They refuse to accept anyone’s view but their own and want to kill anyone who disagrees.  Extremists are expendable.  But Muslims and Christians are not.  Catholics are not.  Mormons are not.  Scientologists are hostages but are not expendable.  Extremists are terrorists.  They look like humans, but they are the enemy of life and our future.

Extremists kill people.  They usually find elaborate excuses to justify their actions, but it’s always bullshit.  Killing people is wrong.  Killing leads to more killing. There are over seven billion reasons why killing is wrong.  Many who are expendable are unaware of their status because they buy their own justifications.  I’m happy to share what I know.  I am aware that the GOP and 45 want to repeal Obamacare/ACA first, then think of a replacement.  Why would that matter to them?  I believe they know exactly how many Americans will die without affordable healthcare.  They know exactly which Americans will die, too.

First, they eliminate the most vulnerable.  The disabled, sick,  and elderly who depend on medication to live.  We can’t wait for the GOP to get around to writing a new affordable healthcare plan.  Not only because we know they have no intentions of doing any such thing, but because we’ll die when we run out of medication we can’t afford to purchase.  We can’t afford to buy it because it’s rare when we can find and maintain gainful employment.  (If you think Social Security disability insurance will cover both food and medication, you’re mistaken.  When they take away Social Security, eating and medicine go with it.)  It’s rare because businesses tend to avoid hiring disabled people.  They tend to avoid it because they’re ignorant of what some of us have to contribute, and would rather we were all invisible.  We’re an easy target, and the script was conveniently assembled and tested by the Nazi’s.

Eugenics is inevitable on an overcrowded planet ruled by greed.  The GOP usually hates science, but when it comes to eugenics, they’re fine with exceptions.  The alleged richest nation on earth doesn’t have enough money to allow disabled, elderly, and sickly to continue living.  But spends trillions on the military.  They know the average American is too lazy to read.  Journalists have been reporting scandals and corruption all along, but they require readers.  The government doesn’t want Americans to be informed.  Reading leads to discovering information they’d rather we didn’t know.  They have a lot to hide from the American public.  A lot.

After we die off (and don’t worry, it won’t take long), they’ll move on to the next step.  I’ll be dead, so of course, this shouldn’t concern me.  But I can’t help it.  I care.  I’m upset that a lot of 45’s supporters are going to die sooner because 45 tricked them.  I hate that type of behavior.  I get all protective when I see my neighbors getting fucked over.  I literally put my life on the line to keep Americans safe.  I served my country, unlike 45.  He only takes.  He’s not a giving person.  He won’t even pay his fucking bills.  He worships gold.  It distracts him from the fact that he’s a worthless piece of shit and a loser of epic proportions.

If I were as big a loser as 45, I’d resign, knowing it would be my first real act of public service.

Elaine, Jerry… This is my religion.

We’re all niggers now.

orange abomination

Now you all get to experience what it’s like to be hated for existing.  I wanted you to get through your entire life without ever knowing how this feels.  I hate that so many are about to understand this for the first time.  When you realize it, turn to your neighbors who are LBGTQIA  or brown skinned, or disabled, or a new citizen who overcame so much to be here, etc..  We’ve always lived with being hated for existing.  We thrive despite it.  Most of us are loving and generous with what little we have.  Lean on us, we’ll help get you through.

Over my dead body.

I slept again.  In this case, more was better.  When I manage to calm my body and mind, I listen intensely.  I’m not good at doing this (lucid dreaming), so it’s wonderful when it happens.  I heard a young girl crying.  I needed to comfort and protect her from whatever was making her weep.  I listened harder.  I somehow recognized her.  Where have our paths crossed?  I begged her to tell me what’s upsetting her.  She answered me with only her eyes.  Now I’m crying, too.

I understand what my dream was telling me this time.  If Drumpf creates a list of Muslims, my name will be first.  I’m American. Whatever evil plans exist for the most vulnerable among us, they begin with me first.  Not a hair on the head of a single American will be harmed before that injury lands on me first.  I demand it.

I’ll find a loving home for Amelia Bedelia.  I have someone in mind.  It won’t be the first time I’ve shored up my finances and created a will.  Last time, I was going through a POM board (preparation for overseas movement) for Desert Storm at age 17, and it never crossed my mind that I should let my Mom know it was coming before the Red Cross sent it to her.  That led to a loud phone call after a stressful wait outside my Commander’s office.  Good times.

I’ve been to a concentration camp (Memorial) before when stationed in Germany.  Never again is not a slogan, it’s a commitment.  It means I will die before I let anyone hurt my people, regardless of who is giving what orders.  My people are Caucasian, African American, Muslim, Christian, Jewish,  and Catholic.  Mormon, Amish, disabled, mentally ill, poor, middle class, and wealthy.  They’re heterosexual,  LBGTQIA (lesbian, bisexual, gay, transgender, queer, intersexual, asexual), Asian American, and Native American.  Veterans, homeless, malnourished, sickly, retired, underage, and every other group who make our melting pot glorious. My people are Americans.  Not a hair.  I’ll be informing my federal representatives so they can alert me of where I need to report and when should this madness continue.

I’m going because I’m able, and many others who are just as disgusted by Drumpf’s plans have disabilities that won’t allow them to participate physically.  Since I began this blog, I’ve befriended several disabled people on Twitter.  I’ve learned so much about ableism and how to be respectful to other people.  It’s simple.  When in doubt, ask.  I’ve discovered most people will kindly answer when sincerely asked.  Also, individuals who’ve had to fight just to exist in our world, and somehow managed to pull it off are important to befriend.  They have wisdom we all need to hear.

If someone asks you to call them an accurate title, thank them for sharing that with you, and use it.  It’s the right thing to do.  Don’t think about reasons why you can’t treat them with basic respect, unless you’ve decided to relinquish your right to be respected.  Personally, I believe we should all hold tight to our self-respect.  That means respecting others.  It’s the only logical way to behave on this planet.  There are billions of people, and for us to live peacefully together, we have to play by the rules we were all taught as toddlers.

Share with those around you.  Don’t take more than your share.  People are not for hurting.  Don’t break things that are alive.  Don’t touch things that don’t belong to you.  Don’t talk with your mouth full.  Don’t be a tattle-tale.  If you can’t play nicely together, you can’t play at all. Don’t throw rocks.  Always tell the truth.  Use your inside voice.

Our parents knew what they were doing.  I’ll be fighting for the precious little American girl who’s frightened and doesn’t understand why half her country hates her.  I will make America safe for her to grow up in, or I’ll die fucking hard.