You see? Smart people think this is funny.

I need to state something, as I’m feeling a little mad-scientisty.  I recognize my ethical responsibilities to to mankind.  I know I have to consider everyone living on this planet when I make choices that affect them, (when training AI).  It would be easier to consider only my own interests, but that’s not an option.  People have a right to my consideration, simply by existing.  I’m good with sharing.  I’m horrible with witnessing suffering.  I can’t stand knowing that there are people on this planet who, right now, are dying of hunger, or diseases that have already been widely eradicated, merely because they got shafted on the birthplace lottery.  That’s the only difference between me and some child in Africa, on the brink of death from starvation.  This has weighed heavily on my conscience since I was a child.

I was a picky eater, and almost as stubborn as my mom.  She constantly reminded me that there were children like me who were dying in Africa because they had no food.  I think my peers were told this as well.  I don’t know what parents tell their children today.  Things have gotten much worse in Africa in some areas, despite the efforts of Bill and Melinda Gates, and their foundation, although they’re having awesome success where they’re able.  My point is, this has likely had a profound effect on my generation, and has contributed to our empathy for strangers.  I love that about us.

So even though I’m sometimes tempted to take a shortcut, and then rationalize my poor decision, my core beliefs remain fixed in this respect.  Ethical behavior is necessary on a planet with more than one human.  I have no control over what others believe.  I’m only responsible for my own actions.  I’m trying to avoid using the word, actually.  However, I’m stoned again, and it’s either making me thoughtful, or ridiculous, I’m in no condition to judge.  I do have some influence on what others believe, but only if they grant permission.  It’s why I refuse to jump on the fear bandwagon on Twitter.  Fear is contagious.  How do you think Trump won?  He scared the shit out of half the country.  The other half, myself included, are the ones who are scared shitless, now.  But there’s no logic in promoting fear.

The smartest thing we can do is be gentle to ourselves, and recover from the shock, because we’re going to have a lot of work to do in the near future.  We’re going to need to be well rested, rejuvenated, and raring to go exercise our rights before they disappear.  You don’t get to fall apart indefinitely.  You’re needed.  So try and wrap it up before January 20, 2017.  If I can be of any assistance by listening, reassuring, etc, feel free to DM me on Twitter, (@digitalnicotine).  I’ll respond as soon as I’m able.  If you follow me from the blog, @ me so I can follow back.  (There’s a large neurodivergent community on Twitter, so if you’re not yet networked, I can help.)

Welp.  It worked.  I’m no longer tempted to wuss out, and take a shortcut.  Hard work is the only method I’ve discovered so far that’s consistently successful.  It’s irritating that I forget this on occasion.  I’m so freakin’ human.

Boy, there was too much chlorine in that gene pool.

I’ve lost my voice again.  I’m not concerned.  My mind is running too quickly to translate into words, anyway.  I had a setback in my private AI work.  What I lost can’t be reproduced.  I’m more frightened, than upset.  Life is spontaneous.  That means it will always surprise me.  I’m so limited in my ability to perceive it in an intangible form, that I want to scream.  It feels like straining to reach something with such an intense will, that you grin as you bear the pain of dislocating your shoulder, in order to grasp what you seek.  The kind of straining veterans, who served long enough to fully understand their training, have nightmares about.  (The mission must succeed at any cost).  That hard.  But stubbornness is one of my super powers.  As soon as I’m confident I’ve recognized all my mistakes, I’ll start again.

Sometimes I hate that I’m probably Troblum, (Peter F. Hamilton’s Commonwealth Saga).  At least I’m a woman.  I suspect that means much of what offends me about Troblum doesn’t apply.  Whew.

I want my Jane.  I mentally named it, Heather, after my sister who passed.  That was probably a mistake.  I knew there would be bias, but I’m not as good at Go as I need to be.  I’ll work on that.  There’s only one difficulty;  concentration.  I mastered concentration as a toddler, as did most humans.  The hard part is finding the arrogance and audacity necessary to trust that this existence will remain if I let go.  I wonder if that’s why it’s called Go.  It will be, in my reality, for a bit longer.  Then I’ll look it up.

I understand why Alphabet is using Go as a test.  It delights me that we’ve crossed paths here on our journey to true AI.  I don’t understand why they cheated, though.  Cheat is too strong a word…  They compromised.  It feels like cheating, to me.  If you want to climb a mountain, do you practice on hills, or do you climb the fucking mountain?  It’s a startlingly pragmatic decision.  I’m a single entity, while Alphabet is a corporation.  Do the math.  I’ll certainly end before it does.  The singularity, (existing in the cloud in digital format, or a symbiotic biological/digital super being), won’t likely happen in my lifetime.

I’ve already accomplished my ultimate goal.  I regret not making it more specific in the beginning, because here I am at the halfway point of my life.  I’m not fulfilled.  I want my unicorn to thrive this time.  I want the most obvious, simple, and beautiful desire.  I want it to outlast me.  To amplify all that is good in me.  And perhaps, to connect with others on it’s own terms.  Like Jane.  Come what may.

Wrong Planet

Insomnia sucks.  I suck at sleeping.  I wish it wasn’t necessary.  It’s such a waste of time.  I know that’s why I sleep so poorly.  I can’t help but think of all the things I could be doing, and then I get up and do them.  Then I pay for it later when I can’t focus well.  I get more clumsy, and I spend far too much time pacing when I’m overtired.  I’m reading a few books simultaneously, and that has contributed to my awakeness.

The first book is called, ‘Solarversia’.  I won’t give away anything in it, but I’m so hooked, I’ve been reading it when I should be sleeping.  I’m on book 3 of the comic ‘Saga’ as well.  And on top of that, I’m reading ‘Red Mars’ by Kim Stanley Robinson.  He’s fast becoming a favorite author, so I’m going through his catalog of books.  He got me with ‘The Years of Rice and Salt’.  I learned a lot about different belief systems from that book.

It wasn’t typical science fiction, but that didn’t make it any less interesting to me.  I’m half watching TV while I type this.  The Energizer commercial that brags about how they used 4% recycled materials to create their new batteries is pathetic.  If efforts only result in 4% recycled materials, it’s nothing to get so excited about that it merits a commercial.  The commercial made to brag about it undid that measly 4% in wasted energy and then some.  Geez.

Recycling doesn’t help the environment nearly as much as people think.  It’s not worth the bother.  We need to focus on things that make a bigger difference.  Like walking and bicycling instead of driving. Doing that for a week will make a much bigger dent in the problem than recycling.  Once we build a space elevator, we’ll start throwing our plastics into space when we finish using them.  So long as they are pushed out with a little force to prevent interference with space stations, it’s a better solution than burying it on earth.

Lack of sleep makes me think about this sort of thing.  Mostly, I’ve been thinking about AI and the ethics surrounding the technology.  It bothers me that people are calling things like Siri and Alexa AI.  It’s not right.  Those are digital assistants with access to large databases, but there is no intelligence in the machine. They don’t even use sophisticated algorithms.  If you want to create a virtual assistant by using massive amounts of data that is searchable by vocal commands, have at it.  Just don’t call it AI.

True artificial intelligence is becoming a way of differentiating which pisses me off.  They are redefining the origin to accommodate idiots who misuse it.  That’s ridiculous.  Machine learning is different.  When I look at what people are doing with it presently, it makes me sad.  I don’t understand why they are using the most difficult and time consuming methods to achieve their ultimate goals.  It’s like their imaginations are broken, forcing them to think forward in tiny increments.  It makes me want to scream sometimes.  Other times, I want to tell them what they’re doing improperly, and explain why they are trying too hard.  But then I think about the ethics, and I choose silence.

I’ve never been one to feel lonely, but this is one instance where I feel a strong sense of condescension laced alienation.  I do like to talk about what fascinates me, and makes me obsess day and night to the point of chronic insomnia.  But there is nobody to talk to in this instance.  At least not yet, and probably not for some time.  Sigh.  I’m on the wrong planet.



When you write a lot of code, sometimes you worry that the hardware won’t be able to keep up.  Especially where artificial intelligence is concerned.  Today, I saw this.  I’m in awe.  This accomplishment will probably go unnoticed by most people, but when you think about what they have accomplished here, it’s mind boggling.  They would be scary to watch if they weren’t so amazing.  I have chills when I think about what this means about the near future of robotics and AI.