“They’re low flow, you know.”

beautiful couple

It recently occurred to me I can watch TV, now.  (And I don’t just mean repeatedly watching Seinfeld, The Boondocks, and other animated series with 15ish-minute episodes.)  Netflix is fantastically rocking my world.  Part of me wants to travel to their headquarters, stand in front of the content selection team, and dance my happy song on the violin before them until I burst into tears of gratitude.  🥰😍😮🤔🤭🤫

Oofda.  I might understand why oversharing is a thing, now, too.  🙃  What I mean is I don’t care about the recent price increase for Netflix.  Worth it.  Period.  I finished experiencing Black Mirror (until they create more.)  I’ll undoubtedly rewatch it.  Sense8 is easily my favorite show of all time.  It reaches me on a level beyond even novels.  It’s astonishing when you consider books are my most natural means of connecting with the world outside my head.

Person dressed as a bunny watching the waves

I think watching in 4k is a significant factor, as well.  It seems we’ve finally progressed to where filming and lighting are accurate enough to captivate.  Skin looks like skin, now.  People of color finally look as radiant as they do in real life.  Light-toned people no longer appear sickly in natural lighting.  I didn’t even know the flaw was distracting until it went away.  It’s eliminated a subconscious uncanny valley.  Yay.

The imperfections in human appearances are significant in adding interest, dimension, and believability.  Humans don’t look perfect;  it’s what makes us beautiful.  Julia Roberts seems to get it.  She remains gorgeous because she’s not fighting nature, she’s embracing it.  (I know she’s not the only one, but she’s who caught my attention in this respect.)  Aging doesn’t diminish beauty.  It merely transforms it.  For a long time, Hollywood has attempted to hide this transformation from us.  But with 4k, it’s futile.  Heh.

I’m thrilled because I’m looking forward to films with actors whose careers flourish at the point where they master their skills, not end.  Where irrelevant formulas no longer drive the industry.  Where entertainment no longer centers on momentary titillation laced with gratuitous violence.  Not a viable vision to emulate, that.  There’s far too much junk food in our collective entertainment diet.  We deserve more, and Netflix is banking on it.

vivid color

Hollywood still thinks reality shows are the solution, but they don’t seem to grok the point.  Reality shows are a band-aid.  We’re not rejecting fantasy and imaginings.  We’re rejecting formulary lies.  Monetary gain as the single goal is anathema to creativity.  It’s a Banksy shredder, yo.  I’m pleased there is a corporation with the cerebral fortitude to play Go while the rest are still playing Chess.  I feel like I’m watching the butterfly-wing-flap that stirs a tsunami in the future of entertainment.  (See why I couldn’t help but overshare?)  😆😂✌🏾💜

 

“You’re eating too much dairy.”

I’m sick.  I likely caught The Worst Cold of My Life on a recent trip to Denver.  Since living on the edge of agoraphobia is my apparent lifestyle, it’s not surprising my immune system is traumatized by mingling in crowds.  Fortunately, I can tell the worst is over.  On Day Two, I switched to Puffs Plus Lotion with Vicks because the skin on my nose was peeling off.

puffs plus lotion with vicks

Today, I can breathe through my nose and look down without pain.  Yay.  (I’m also hopped up on DayQuil, which hopefully explains the time I just wasted wondering what is that green thing on the blanket in the photo above.)  I can tell I’m loopy.  Sometimes, being sensitive to medication rocks.  (And then I ruined it by wondering if it also makes me more vulnerable to addiction.  🤪)

I’m suspicious of the universe, right now.  I think she’s trying to teach me something, and I’m on the cusp of revealing the lesson.  I’m already reasoning with my ego to soften the inevitable blow.  I suspect there’s significance to my experiencing the sudden onset of utter physical devastation from a simple, temporary cause.  No question I’ll recover, but the severity is astonishing, nonetheless.

This cold minimized my abilities until I could only ponder, watch TV, or read.  (When you’re too miserable to sleep, time becomes abundant.)  I started binge watching, Blackish.  Love it.  (On so many levels.)  I finished reading The Pickwick Papers by Charles Dickens for the umpteenth time.  It’s hilarious; I read it a few times a year.  (The epitome of Brit humor, in my opinion.)

street art mcdonalds

I started reading Zero Sum Game by S. L. Huang.  She’s a rockstar author.  She’s hanging out with J. K. Rowling and Octavia E. Butler on my favorite author list before I’ve even finished the novel.  That shiny.  N. K. Jemisin, too.  Have you noticed how it seems like Amazon just figured out algorithms? Suddenly, my recommended books make sense.  Items are showing up in logical categories on the site now, too.  Bonus.

Perhaps this lesson-in-progress centers on learning to appreciate.  It’s as far as I’ve gotten in my DayQuil enhanced state, anyway.  If you’ve already experienced this lesson, please don’t hesitate to throw out some pointers in comments.  (I’m hoping I won’t need any remedial opportunities.)  I can’t remember ever being too sick to play video games.  (For some reason, that kind of blows my mind.)

Yep, I’m on to something with the appreciation thing.  The universe recognizes I’m pretty literal, as my life lessons tend to be right on the nose.  (At least the ones I notice.  Heh.)  It’s trippy to be emotionally joyful while physically miserable.  It ruins the effect of misery which I see is the point.  Yay.  I found the concept.  Now I merely have to spend some thought time on the process until it soaks in.  (Because that’s how I roll.)  I’m off to do that.  ✌🏾💜

“What’s with all that sniffing?”

child at aquarium viewing polar bear swimming

I’m having a good 2019, so far.  (I’m already keeping track.)  Heh.  Ever since I leveled up in the game of life, I’m more apt to notice positivity.  It amuses me as I used to be one of those people who automatically scoffed at others saying, “think positive.”  As if thinking a certain way can vastly improve my quality of life.  Pshaw!  Cue the condescendingly tolerant reel that plays whenever I witness hippy-like behavior, courtesy of being raised in the upper midwest.

Either the community brain-washing didn’t take, or I’m a rebel.  I’m presently engaging in all sorts of hippy-like behavior.  I just got back from a mini-vacation in Denver.  Since M accompanied me, I was able to partake of the legal variety of weed while there.  (I decided I don’t need to use it very often, so mini-trips suffice over moving.)  I still feel like it’s having a positive effect on me.  Reverberations from reaching a state where I experienced no anxiety, I presume.

broken cookies

When I got home, my blood pressure meds were waiting in my mailbox.  I have to see my primary care doctor in the next three months, or I’ll run out again.  I suck at noticing symptoms until they bring me to my knees.  Now that I’ve taken a dose, I can already feel the difference.  It feels like someone just let me out from between the heavy mattresses that were crushing me on the sly.

I’m sensitive about my hypertension.  In my case, it seems my blood pressure and anxiety level increase in tandem.  The closer I get to freaking out, the higher my blood pressure rises.  I despise having it checked with the auto-cuff.  It usually starts a loop of ever-increasing numbers, until the medical person groks the pattern, and turns it off.  (I’m embarrassed by this quirk because I strongly suspect I caused it during an experiment I did years ago attempting to train myself to suppress all visual signs of stress/anxiety/depression.)

It backfired, I think.  I waiver between the benefits of masking to prevent stranger danger and the dangers of mistreatment due to not presenting stereotypically around poorly trained medical professionals.  I’ve apprehended a resolution to my difficulties in getting racism-free care at the Sioux Falls VA.  I’ve concluded my best option is to forgive the mistreatment in the past, and move forward without the baggage.  (It seems kind of duh, now, but it took me a while to figure it out.)  😂

bunny suit costume

It turns out; I’m allergic to baggage.  It slows me down, weighs me down, and worst of all hurts me.  (I’m also allergic to pain. 🤫)  My ability to reason when enduring pain is pathetic.  I could work on that, or I could focus on avoiding pain when it’s a choice.  I’m big on narrowing down the root, so I’m going with the latter option.  Fortunately, I don’t have any chronic pain conditions, and borderline-unsafe high pain tolerance (unless it’s above the neck.)  Most of my pain is a result of poor choices.  (Ouch.)(Shaddup, ego.) 🙃

I’m going to schedule an appointment with my primary care doctor at the VA.  When I believed this action impossible, it was due to being buried in painful baggage.  Now that I’ve engaged my Superpower of Forgiveness, I’ve freed myself and can imagine a fabulous 2019:  A year that includes preventative health care, lots of joy, and the Fleetwood Mac concert.  (Okay, the last two are redundant, but who’s counting?)  😂✌🏾💜

“Would it kill them to put out a pound cake?”

man shoveling snow

We got a little snow recently, along with temperatures dipping below freezing at night.  It snowed, then rained, and snowed again making it crusty and cold outside presently.  I’ll admit, I do enjoy stepping out onto my balcony to create the delightful crunching sound by stepping on it.  It reminds me of when I was a child bundled up to play in the snow.  Moon boots crunching, ski pants swishing, ice skates clunking together as I made my way to the rink a few blocks away.

I love winter when I can control my exposure to the cold.  As a kid, I’d remain outside until chilblains forced me indoors.  Then I’d bawl while warming up in front of a heat register.  It was merely part of the deal and never led to shortening my fun to prevent it.  As a soldier in Germany, I despised the cold.  I never got the gas heater in my bivouac tent to work correctly.  The one time I managed to start it, I nearly burned up the tent.  🤭

I’ve been watching Netflix often lately.  The new Ellen special, Relatable, was fun.  I’m still hooked on Black Mirror.  I haven’t watched the new special episode yet, though.  I’m watching from the beginning, in order.  I’m weird like that.  I finished my third viewing of Game of Thrones, seasons 1-7 on Blu-ray recently.  I find bits I missed each time.  I read Fire & Blood by George R. R. Martin not long ago.  The history of the Targaryans is fascinating.

viewfinder

I’ve been working my way through Haruki Murakami’s catalog of novels since then.  The last I read was Killing Commendatore.  He’s officially one of my favorite authors.  I also read Skyward by Brandon Sanderson, and Salvation by Peter F. Hamilton.  They too are favorite authors, and I read everything they publish.  Both novels were fabulous, of course.  I love how Peter F. Hamilton created people with more than one gender, and always includes multiple races in his futuristic books, (an essential factor in what I choose to read.)  I love space operas.

drum kit

My band covered a few Sheryl Crow songs in a recent performance.  Maybe Angels, and Sweet Rosalyn, both from her self titled album.  Even thinking about it now has me grinning.  It was an incredible experience.  We still don’t have an official band name.  We’ve been making one up before each show, (not that there have been many.)  I hope this practice continues since it’s wicked fun.  I secretly don’t care if we call the band Unicorn Poop, or whatever.  It’s the best reason to leave my apartment I can imagine.

Aside from the upcoming Fleetwood Mac concert, that is.  The closer the date, the more excited I become.  I lay in bed last night thinking about it while consciously tempering my expectations.  Shit happens, so I don’t want to set myself up by anticipating too profoundly.  No matter what happens, the band exists, and their songs are part of the soundtrack of my life.  I can celebrate this anytime.  The concert is icing on a delicious cake.  Yay.  ✌🏾💜