“Pam, I’m public speaking. Stop public interrupting me.”

new magnet

I had a good week.  I don’t think I cried the whole time.  (Probably a record.)  I did smash my fingers in the sliding doors, but I’m fine now.  I’ve been cautious about closing it ever since.  Before this, I cleaned the track and put WD-40 on it, but my muscle memory didn’t get the memo.  It was crawling around on the floor, making up new swear words, painful, but it didn’t leave a mark the next day.  (Based on the pain, it seems like a finger should have fallen off or something, but I’m not complaining.)

I got a new vacuum cleaner, recently.  It’s so much better than the last one I killed; I enjoy using it.  (Shark Navigator DLX.)  I think it might survive at least a year, which is impressive for a home with a cat.  Amelia B is a fur factory.  I didn’t know I was a cat person until I got one.  (In fact, I was quite convinced I was not a cat person.) I’ve decided it’s because my cat thinks she’s a dog.  (She’s great at fetch except for bringing it ba  nm.)

I loved listening to Loren Bouchard on 3 Questions with Andy Richter podcast this week.  I’m even more a fan now that I’ve heard him share his passion for his craft.  He’s fascinating and did an excellent job of answering the questions and expounding on them.  I watched the first few episodes of Home Movies again recently on the Adult Swim app.  I also love Bob’s Burgers, and Lucy, Daughter of the Devil.

Solange and new Funkos

For a long time, I could only watch animation or anime TV shows.  Anything with suspense, graphic violence, sirens, etc. was too triggering, but I was okay with shows like King of the Hill, Family Guy, The Simpsons, The Boondocks, etc.  Adult Swim and The Cartoon Network helped me get through some tough times and lots of insomnia.  Loren Bouchard mentioned it’s because cartoons enter our brains differently than live-action.

It explains why I can play World of Warcraft, but don’t enjoy hyper-realistic, violent games.  I love Blizzard for creating a playful world where I can feel powerful without harming others, or go fishing or fly around looking at the scenery.  When I struggle in an area of the game, I go back when I’m several levels higher and lay waste like Daenerys Targaryan over King’s Landing.  (Harmless retribution feels fabulous when the monsters that used to kill your toon die from a single blow.)

I discovered listening to audiobooks is perfect for me.  I cleaned my apartment yesterday while listening to a new novel, and realized it was even more satisfying than reading.  I don’t have to worry about staying in a weird position for too long while engrossed anymore.  Yay.  (It will also be useful when depression overwhelms, and I can’t hold my head up long enough to read.)

Funkos

I figured out the camera flash, this time.  🤭 I followed The Office Ladies podcast, of course.  I love podcasts that talk about TV shows with which I’m obsessed (InsecuriTea podcast for insecure and Jade and XD for several shows.)  I’m thrilled I’m able to watch live-action TV shows again, but more so when I can listen to people also invested in the story discuss what took place.  (Geekster paradise.)  I’m off to wind down for the day.  ✌🏽💜

 

“I don’t even really work here!”

 

Dragon hint

A Black Lady Sketch Show on HBO is my new favorite show.  I’ve been streaming it like it’s Homecoming by Beyoncé.  I’m an okay bitch with autism, yo.  (Flutters my bald eyelashes.)  HBO is still the only network that can tell me where to be and when; (so bossy.) 😉  I hope they have Wanda Sykes and Whoopie Goldberg on there at some point. (And Regina King, Ellen Cleghorne, Aisha Tyler, and so many more.) 😆

I’m going to stream it again after this.  Heh.  I keep wanting to talk about Solange, but words don’t work here.  It would be a post of me typing Solange over and over again while grinning like a doof.  (You have no idea how close I came to doing just that.) At least it would feel kind of like expressing my joy for her existence.  Sigh.

Solange isn’t just the newest member of my Healing Sisters Internal Advisory Panel (HSIAP via music.)  She’s the boss.  In my head, she walked right up to Stevie Nicks, Amy Lee, Agnetha Faltzkog, Sheryl Crow, Mary J. Blige, (there’s more) and Beyoncé, and said, can I hold the mic, please?  (All signs indicate Solange won’t be giving it back any time soon.)  She skipped trying to reach me with mere lyrics and went right for my spirit.  😳🤭

Solange When I Get Home Vinyl

Solange has been here before.  Her music.  Nobody who only lived that long for the first time can do that, yo.  That’s the best I can articulate.  (And yes, I’m working on it.)  I know a lot of other artists are popping right now, but frankly, Solange practically owns my ears at this time.  Aside from Brown Skin Girl, of course.  That song is on repeat whenever I’m not listening to Solange’s When I Get Home.  Everything else is on pause.

I’m getting ready for a solo road trip north.  My sister needs me, and she’s the one person left on this planet who has mom-like powers over me.  (Otherwise, oh hell no.)  It’s a big deal for me to drive five hours in a single day with ridiculously monotonous scenery.  I’ve done it before, but not often.  To go from that challenge immediately to being in someone else’s space to offer my services as a sister is bigger.

My spirit stirred me to do it, which is something I haven’t wrapped my head around yet.  (I don’t think I would have even picked up on it if not for Dr. Keia mentioning these things happen.)  Hence, running with it.  My sister knows me well enough to avoid hinting since it’s futile with me.  (Tell me what you mean, or disappointment will ensue.) It’s time to stretch my more healed self and flex my growth.  I’m terrified, but I’m going to do it anyway.

open road

When I get home (heh), I’m going to Denver for a mini recreational vacation.  Guitar Hero is going to buddy-sit while I transform from a nodder who never makes eye contact into someone who suddenly uses gestures, looks at people, and won’t STFU for an hour after two hits.  He finds it amusing and claims it’s like hanging out with my anime version.  (Possibly said animated, but I like anime better.) Enough oversharing.  I’m off to belly laugh over my new favorite show. 💜✌🏽

“He’s a regifter!”

french bulldog

It’s been a challenging week.  I think my dietary changes have messed up my executive functioning.  The red flags consist of:

  • Excessive wandering (Exhibit A: Fitbit data indicating 20k+ steps in a single day without leaving my apartment)
  • Sudden inability to complete basic quests in World of Warcraft due to complicated instructions
  • Unexpected difficulty in recalling how to respond to simple internal messages like nature calling
  • Increased rigidity requiring time-consuming self-talks on being reasonable
  • Excessive frustration from minor failures, even though I know, intellectually, they’re helping me succeed, eventually (Yep. I’m Komma Kamelion)
  • There’s more, but this is discouraging, so enough already

I strongly suspect my brain needs me to eat sugar in the form of fruit daily.  The only things I crave are water, protein, sugar, fat, and salt.  (My body doesn’t usually ask for anything more specific.)  I eliminated sugar a week ago today.  Ever since I’ve been thinking about mangoes, bananas, and pears; it seems to be the only thing my mind can hold on to at the moment.  Everything else is annoyingly just out of reach.  (Including my grammar, no doubt.)

bowl of fruit including mangoes

I’m convinced I need to acquire some fruit and rectify this situation.  I’m using an app called Carb Manager.  It’s deep with helpful tools (premium version) to track my intake and develop a food plan tailored to my particular body.  It allows me to determine my goals in several categories.  Five stars.  It’s like having a friend who’s studying to be a dietician in my phone.  Everyone in my social tribe is striving to be their best self.  The support and information sharing helps tremendously.  I’m going back to gummy vitamins and supplements, too.

I’m sending others to attend The Beyoncé Movie (aka Lion King) on my behalf (due to excitement regulation issues.) 😆🤪🤭 Sending local friends is easy peasy.  Then I tried to buy tickets for friends of a friend in another state.  Unfortunately, Fandango sucks so severely; it made me wonder if the company is just a front for some illegal activity.  Enter Fandango scam in any search engine, and you’ll see.  So shady;  my bank automatically won’t authorize transactions from Fandango.  Period.  Wow.

Fandango complaint

In my head, Crissle West, (First of Their Name), from The Read podcast, responded with a read so scathing, hilarious, and spot-on.  Then (I imagined) she ordered the CEO to take a naked Walk of Atonement down Internet Street until they emerge open-mouthed wailing while covered in shit, feet bleeding.  (I also imagined) Kid Fury was ringing a bell and yelling shame the whole way while wielding a shield to keep the flying filth from touching him.  (Just like they did the Goodwill bitch from Illinois this week ((who since got a clue.))) 😂🤣😭

walk of atonement

Congrats go out to Gwendolyne Christie for submitting herself for an Emmy and getting nominated.  That was even cooler than beating the Hound so thoroughly he decided to embrace karma.  I’m thrilled by so many nominations; it’s ridic.  I’m off to beat my drums with sticks. 💜✌🏾

“And the heat! My god, the heat!”

feet standing on ON sign

It’s ridic humid and hot here.  Menopause is forcing me to make some lifestyle decisions.  Since I am not able to power my home with excess body heat, there’s no point in risking spontaneous combustion.  From my perspective, it seems menopause is a built-in get-your-shit-together-or-burn stage of life.  I found a supplement on Amazon that works well for me, called Breeze.

After the first bottle, I was hot flash free and thought that meant they were over.  I was mistaken, (and winter tricked me.)  Next, I tried a soy isolate supplement, and it didn’t help at all.  So I went back to using Breeze.  After only a few days, the hot flashes disappeared again, (and I internally kicked myself for playing.)  My electric bill doubled in May from running the central air at 68° F all that time.  🤭🤫

Now, I’m a fan placement ninja.  I have it set at 70° F, and am comfortable.  I’m able to sleep until my cat wakes me at 4:30-ish AM.  Then I return to bed for a few hours after feeding her.  I’m feeling tired earlier in the night, now.  I felt sleepy and went to bed before 11 PM last night (without being ill.)  I haven’t done that since Jr. High.  In the Army, they told us we only needed 4 hours per night, and I believed it without question.  🤪  My side hustle was ironing uniforms and polishing boots while the smart soldiers were sleeping.  (And you know I thought I was the smart one.  🤣)

workout gear

I had an orange and royal blue sweatsuit and matching sneakers I wore after hours while ironing and shining.  I thought I looked so cute until someone asked me if I worked at Dominos.  😂 (I kept wearing it because funny is even better IMO.)  I bought an RX7 and later a BMW 525 SI IIRC (both used), so the extra fundage served me well during my car-caring phase.  Driving a late model BMW while a glorified private still cracks me up.  (Even though it was a flashing neon sign saying, I’m new and have no concept of tomorrow.)

I’m devouring all the junk food in my house this weekend.  After that, I’m adopting the Keto diet.  One of my autistic besties made the change recently, and it’s eliminated issues we share.  The headache upon awakening and lots of other minor inflammation and pains I didn’t notice when not in my body are being addressed.  Also, my new belly.  At first, I was going to keep it, but then I realized it’s bullying my wardrobe options.  Plus, spandex looks hot.  Hard pass.  The belly has to go (do crunches.)

I’m reading, The Three Body Problem, by Cixin Liu, (translated by Ken Liu, who wrote the Good Hunting episode on Love, Death, and Robots on Netflix.)  I love it so far.  Before this, I read The Paper Menagerie and Other Stories by Ken Liu, and Exhalation by Ted Chiang.  I’m enjoying all three authors tremendously.  I watched the new season of Black Mirror.  Suddenly, I love Miley Cyrus.  I want her to cover more NIN songs, then move to Nirvana, Green Day, and keep going with alternative rock.  It fits her like a glove.  Also, Netflix, please release the Ashley O songs for downloading and streaming.  (That shit on Spotify?  Really?)  Thanks!

Striking Vipers - Black Mirror - Netflix

Striking Vipers was brilliant.  The actors likely made Charlie Brooker dance with joy.  They gave his characters believable dimension and relatability, allowing him to tell a story about us, whose subject was previously denied, causing unnecessary hardship.  (Keep throwing money at him, please, Netflix. 💜)  Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin, starring Ellen Page was fabulous.  I’m watching Pose, now, (thanks to The Read podcast.)  More love.  TV rocks, now.  I’m off to stare at it while depleting my fruit roll-up stash.   💜✌🏾

“I’m an old man! I’m confused! I thought I paid for it!”

amethyst

I’m so jazzed because my comment got read on The Friend Zone podcast, the other day.  It was a double down on the best gift ever.  It tied into my recent course correction and reaffirmed I received and understood the adjustment opportunity.  Just for listening to a favorite podcast. (!!!)  And there was a follow-up gift of custom, created just for us, tools I know how to use in my healing.  Yay!  (I ordered mine, and in 2-3 weeks, I’ll show and tell.) They even gave us a heads up to set aside some fundage. 👏🏽

Seriously, if you’re not listening to The Friend Zone, why not? They’re explaining and showing how to level up in life for free.  It’s three (or more) people who are padawans out loud.  These are creatives and influencers who are playing the long, deep, sincere game.  I, for one, am not blinking.  Be nice to yourself.  (You’re on the journey of your life, and kindness feels right.)

bridge

Jade (of Jade and X.D.) presented a special podcast this week where she interviewed three teens.  They were intelligent, but as teens, they haven’t yet linked the part of their brains that allow them to translate their thoughts into language that matches their articulation potential.  It’s super frustrating, (which is why I remember so clearly, even though I’m oldish.)  Jade was a delightful, patient bridge that allowed them to share important things.

I heard them and learned about how to do better by them as an adult.  I strongly suspect these three teens did a solid for their entire generation by stepping up.  The urgency was palpable because they pretty much have to scream to get a whisper out (figuratively) at that age, which is just one of the many reasons adolescence is so traumatic.  I’m so proud of Jade and the kids.

Here’s an update on my progress with this year’s challenge.  I chose a neighbor who wears Cult 45 t-shirts.  She’s the same age as Stevie Nicks and recently retired.  She’s from a small town in Iowa, and she used to support Ben Carson before settling for 45.  Openly.  We exchanged emails yesterday after a friendly chit-chat.  We used email like long-texting for a few minutes, and she told me a little about herself.

basketball hoop

We have plans to go to the park to play basketball when the weather cooperates.  The last time, she attempted this alone, the kids in the park wouldn’t let her play.  I told her I would mediate that situation, and she was visibly relieved.  (+10 for recognizing it.)  I think we’re going to be friends by July.  It’s headed that way without me doing anything but being myself, and taking the time to connect with someone who sees the world differently than I do.

Also, I like her.  M thinks she’s a harmless kook.  (That’s pretty much his way of letting me know this is a solo expedition.) 😂  I like that M doesn’t participate in anything I do that doesn’t interest him.  He also doesn’t invite me to places I’d want to leave after ten minutes.  Like Las Vegas.  Nothing about me says: add alcohol.  😂  (The universe already taught me my body transmutes alcohol into tears.)  But I like knowing he’s having fun there, now, while I’m in my airconditioned safe place with candy. 😆

It's a beautiful life

I watched Dead to Me through twice, recently.  They had me at Christina Applegate.  Duh.  It’s brilliant.  This weekend is all Grace and Frankie on Netflix.  It’s my favorite show now that Thrones is over and Westworld hasn’t resumed.  It’s even better the second time around.  Brianna is who Daria wanted to be when she grew up.  Love.  Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin are teachers.  This show is their school.  I’m learning about aging beautifully, realistically, and joyfully.

I’m also learning about sexuality, marriage, divorce, breakups, raising multiple children as a single parent, interracial adoption (FINALLY portrayed in a manner that doesn’t offend my bullshit detector) and more.  Thank you, everyone, who made it happen.  It’s a fabulous show and such a fun way to learn about life.  I’m off to continue watching.  💜✌🏽