Jerry, I’m your mother, now what is it?

All Manner of Things Unwell

Thought things were better
Thought I might survive
Thought fewer were hating
And plotting genocide

Had so many plans
So much to create
So many to lift up
Such joy to await

Now it’s all crashing down
Like an avalanche
Nowhere to take cover
No righteous circumstance

Stuck in a holding pattern
By ignorance and greed
A hostage to hate
Dying to be freed

Dying to be freed
We’ve been here before
Thought this was finally something
Our country stood for

Wrong, so wrong
Can’t unclench teeth
Can’t eat or sleep
Can barely breathe

Don’t want to cry
Watching Americans suffer
Don’t want to die
Knowing things will get tougher

Devastated
Faith was first to jump ship
Paralyzed
Beneath an epic guilt trip

Know where this is leading
So many bear this fear
Alone in the silence
Headlight-captured deer

Body is failing
‘Bout all that is left
Spirit is weeping
Fate inevitable by theft

Mind running for cover
The Babies are crying
Soul fading to nothing
The Babies are dying

Nightmare reality
Locked in the cage
Never wanted to trade
My life for your rage

My life isn’t mine
It’s all an illusion
Not being a slave
A painful delusion

Suppose it’s too late
To become pro-abortion
Already born
In time to die for extortion

Many are shocked
Think right-skinned might make it
We’re all niggers now
Just so one man could fake it

-UnabashedAutist

 

 

Not only that, I broke his thumbs.

I’m having lots of fun with the camp kids.  S. taught us a type of meditation that focuses on breathing earlier.  Then I taught them how to solder.  I understand now why people choose to be teachers of children as a career.  I’d like to elaborate but lack the words.  We’re going on a nature walk to talk about design tomorrow.  We’ve acquired three more kids whose parents work in the building.  They’re older (14, 15, 17) and have been a delightful addition to the group.  They ask answerable questions, for starters.  😂  (I don’t know how much the sky weighs, but love the question.)

I taught in the Army and while earning my Ph.D.  I enjoy it, (but I get nervous.)  S. has been great about keeping things flowing.  (When someone asks a question, I usually lose my place.)  One of the kids is super energetic.  His mom said he gets in trouble at school.  The camp is movement friendly.  I think better when I walk around and imagine others may too.  I don’t want the child wasting his concentration on remaining still when there are better things on which to focus.  Sitting still is bad for our bodies, anyway.

I’m missing my drums even though I packed a practice pad.  It’s not as fun.  I’ve been spending more time with a guitar (that isn’t set up.)  My fingertips object after about an hour, but I composed a melody.  The inclination to tip the guitar up under my chin when I get to a hard part always cracks me up.  (I have a less painful acoustic at home with a strap that helps prevent this.)  I brought my 25 key midi keyboard, too.  It works great with my iPad Pro.  I’m going to play around with it this weekend.  It’ll be my first time using GarageBand in ages.

I’m holding my breath regarding recent developments in affordable health care.  I brought my emergency protest kit just in case.  Hugs to everyone who is doing the same.  Don’t lose hope.  Remember, together, we’re America.  We, the people, hold the real power in our unity.  The vast majority of Americans support life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for *all* Americans.  The opposition is trying desperately to hide their crimes.  They’re not a force, they’re an embarrassment to humanity.  The victory is ours, we just have to collect it.  Stay peaceful.  💜

 

When the aliens land, who do you think they’re going to relate to?

The weather is so perfect today.  It’s been around 70° F and breezy.  I have all windows open as far as they go.  It’s going down to 46° F tonight, so I hope I remember to close them later.  I drove to one of my Senators offices with a sign before work this morning.  It said:

2016:  Veteran

2017:  Preexisting Condition

I got lots of thumbs up and honks.  The Active Generations (seniors) bus made my day when the driver did shave and a haircut, two bits on the horn.  I’ll be visiting the other Senators office next week.  I plan on finishing the Stevie Nicks documentary this weekend.  I like it better than the first one, that’s for sure.  The first one was too tabloid.  I’m not interested in gossip or details about people’s private lives.  That shit baffles me.

I’ve been reading The Dark Tower series by Stephen King.  I just started book five.  It’s fascinating and has incredible depth.  I can’t comment further until I finish.  I’m off to continue.

Because I’m single, I’m thin, and I’m neat.

The above Seinfeld quote cracks me up because I misinterpreted the intended meaning of “neat.”  I laugh anytime I hear someone refer to a personality as, neat.  The word, neato, if pronounced with the proper enthusiasm, can render me a quivering heap of giggles on the floor.  There are perks to having older siblings who were teenagers in the 70’s.  Flipping through photo albums showing them in their plaid bell bottoms on holidays is still a favorite.  I still don’t understand what the orange, avocado, and mustard yellow everything were about, though.  Did those colors look better in the 70’s?  Asking for my eyes.

My eyes are glazed over from reading news articles all day.  I can’t believe I have subscriptions to The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Wall Street Journal.  I’m not complaining, just marveling at how much 45 has impacted my life.  I used to only read articles about artificial intelligence, computers, games, gadgets, etc.  I’ve cut back on some of my interests due to the state of emergency in American government.  I tend to do my best when I’m intensely focused on a small number of projects.  I can juggle three at a time, but two is better.  The extra one only when I’m not sleeping for a stretch, (but I suspect I waste as much time staring into space from being overtired as I gain from not sleeping, so it probably doesn’t count.)

The Resistance is my priority.  My other obsessive focus is on my drums.  I had to take a day off from practice to let my hands heal.  I’ve been playing along with Fleetwood Mac, Rumours.  It’s such a good album.  I understand now why drummers move in ways I used to find awkward to watch while they play.  It’s because it feels good.  I do it too and laugh at myself when I realize.  I used sticks dipped in rubber (on the grips) and no gloves.  Mistake.  I peeled a disturbing amount of skin off my hands today.  Then obsessed over the new skin for a bit.  I’ll be wearing gloves going forward.  I wasted at least 30 minutes messing with dead skin like I had nothing better to do.

I got my laptop back yesterday.  Everything looked like it should, but I still stayed up all night shortening the lifespan of my hard drive.  I appreciate TSA for getting it back to me so quickly and intact.  It’s clear lots of people leave stuff in security because they have an impressive Lost and Found department.  The process was as easy as typing, “I left my laptop in security” in a browser.  The first hit was TSA Lost and Found website with a phone number.  It had automated instructions informing me to give them 24 hours, then call and see if it was turned in.  I talked to them on Sunday, and my laptop was back in my hands on Monday afternoon.  That’ll do.

Apple got my attention with the iMac Pro.  I haven’t had an iMac since the G5.  It’s been Macbook Pros and mini’s since.  I’m just going to get the new 10.5″ iPad Pro with a 512 GB SSD.  I have an iPad Air 2 with a 64 GB SSD.  I use it mostly for making music.  There are some amazing apps for IOS, many of which let you download samples and instruments.  Faster and more space?  Yes, please.  My sister will appreciate the old one.  I have a one in, one out policy now.  I’ve progressed in my mission to get rid of my excess stuff.  I’m not done yet, however.  I need to purge my t-shirts.  I have an obscene number of them, mostly from sites like TeePublic, Woot Tshirt, Teefury, and DesignByHumans.

I was going to make some quilts with them, but I’ve since changed my mind.  Instead, I’m going to drive down to the state mental hospital with a box full.  It’s about an hour away.  It’s a surprisingly nice facility.  It was built by a former governor who I believe had a spouse with mental illness.  It has an Olympic size indoor pool, full-size indoor gym, music rehearsal room, and the wards are arranged around an indoor walking path that loops around.  I love such thoughtful architecture.  It’s one of the buildings I’m proud of in my state.  When you consider our laws regarding the mentally ill in South Dakota are embarrassing at best, it’s remarkable.

Here, the police transport the mentally ill in handcuffs and leg shackles.  I’m. Not. Fucking. Kidding.  The last time I went down to see the building, I talked to a kid who was from Rapid City (western side of the state).  He was 14, and they brought him there on a prison bus with prisoners seated adjacent to the mentally ill patients being transported to the state hospital.  They had him in handcuffs and leg shackles for the entire 5-hour trip.  He told me the prisoners taunted him and the other patients, calling them derogatory terms for MI.  He was crying by the time he finished telling me.  It really shook him up.

I’m pretty sure it would have shaken me up, too.  I reported it to a local advocacy group.  They told me it would be wise for people with mental illness to move east because people are more understanding there, (practically a quote.)  It’s 1960 in South Dakota.  I felt ashamed to be an adult that day.  The building is nice, though.  Sigh.  I’m off to read.

 

 

 

You’re not a little anything, Newman.

My mom taught me a trick when I was a young girl to help build up my confidence.  It involved visualizing what I want to change.  It helped with team sports.  (I still sucked, but I sucked confidently.)  I’ve decided to employ this technique with 45 and the complicit GOP members.  I plan on making a graphic a day to help visualize 45 going away.  Please feel free to play along.  I just pictured 45 in an orange prison jumpsuit.

I hope they can find one to fit his rapidly expanding girth.  (Stress eating is a bitch.)  Now I see him floating around like in the movie, Dune, as Baron “45” Harkkonen, since he’s also not a walker.  Interestingly, they share a personality, too.

Okay, now feel free to picture Sting coming out of the steamer.

I know, right?  (Snapping gum.)  Where was I?  Right.  At this point, my inclination is to visualize Putin dying in a fire.  (Thanks, Pussy Riot!)

I remember a time when I would have been hesitant to wish ill on anyone.  Not in this case.  As I’ve repeatedly stated in this blog, I’m a protector.  I despise those who live to destroy, murder, and terrorize.  Putin is a danger to the living.  He’s expendable.  All fascists are expendable.  Die in a fire, you fucking Hitler wannabe.  You’re evil and pathetic.

45 is probably unwell.  However, he’s still accountable for his actions.  The GOP is complicit.  All my representatives are complicit members of the GOP, which clearly stands for Groupies of Putin.  Or Gluttons of Power.  Disgusting.  Naturally, they haven’t commented on the latest White Terrorist attack.  They’re complicit in the increased racist violence, too.  45’s normalization and participation in white supremacy are complicit.  The people who continue to support him are complicit.  They’re normalizing his disastrous reign and cheering him on.  Some of them are incapable of recognizing their error.  Others are just evil.  Some don’t care and enjoy being deplorable.  Every one of them who shares their support on the internet will be remembered for their treachery, although, the vast majority believe they’re not accountable for what they say when (they think) they’re anonymous.

Nobody is anonymous on the internet.  Just like there’s no such thing as hacker-proof software.  The footprints made on the web today will be easily retraced tomorrow, with faster and more powerful hardware.  So go ahead and be a troll.  Just don’t cry when it comes back to bite you in the ass.  I’ll be the one pointing and laughing.  Karma’s a bitch, too.  Off to visualize.

Don’t think about the nose.

CW:  Ranty and sweary

 

 

 

 

I saw some alarming footage of 45 while overseas.  It’s not the first incident I’ve noticed.  I’ve been able to shrug it off before, but it’s adding up to a potentially horrible situation.  I think 45 is unwell.  (I’m a doctor, but not the type who can diagnose illness.)  I think something is seriously wrong with him.  I’m by no means a fan. However, he’s a human being who appears to be suffering.  I’m surprised by how much it’s upset me.

Any POTUS is subject to harsh criticism from opposing views.  Americans value this freedom.  It allows us to feel less powerless in a loosely representational democracy.  When a POTUS is clearly unwell, it’s different.  It’s like striking after your opponent is down.  It’s unpalatable.  He’s fucking up on a daily basis, but I seriously don’t think he’s himself at this point.

After watching the footage of him looking lost and confused, I have to admit I felt sorry for him.  He looked genuinely distressed, and I don’t think he has anyone in his inner circle who is looking out for him.  They seem to be rushing as fast as possible to enforce their agendas like they’re racing against time.  I’m starting to think that’s exactly what’s up.

With the ongoing investigation into ties with Russia, I doubt it will be long before the backstabbing begins.  I don’t think there’s any loyalty thick enough to keep loose lips from sinking more ships.  I knew things were going to get ugly, but when the person in the center of it all is clearly sick, it’s even worse.

I feel angry at the GOP leadership.  What the fuck?  They put party over country religiously, but there’s no unity within the fucking party.  It’s ridiculous.  It’s like they want him to humiliate himself in public, so they sent him overseas in this fragile condition.  They think about who wins when he fails, not how to prevent failure.  It’s despicable.  I had no idea there were so many short-sighted assholes on this planet.  It’s mind-boggling.

Tribalism doesn’t work with 7 billion tribes.  Fuck.  We have to come together and work this out, or we all lose.  We cannot exist together on this planet and behave like there aren’t 6.9 billion other humans doing the same fucking thing!  We have to evolve and mature enough to stop being barbarians who kill for something shiny.  We have a long way to go.

It’s a mindset that has to change, or homo sapiens will be a short, disturbing whimper in time.  I’m not talking about radically changing the government and introducing some bullshit utopia.  I’m talking about how we think, privately, within our minds.  We need to embrace the entire human race as part of Team Survival.  All this ignorant shit about skin color, eye shape, hair texture, etc. is holding us back and distracting us from our potential.

We’re an incredible species.  You know it, I know it.  We all imagine improbable human innovations throughout our lives.  We’re dreamers.  We’ve all secretly been a little disappointed we don’t have flying cars yet because we know it’s within our capabilities as a species.  A huge reason I like science fiction is it so often includes details about marvelous gadgets and technology created by humans.  I always believe we can totally pull it off if we focus and work together toward the goal.

I don’t even need to mention NASA’s history or the cosmonauts. We’ve gotten sidetracked by unbelievably immature wars and terrorism.  We still figuratively play Tic-Tac-Toe as a species, and it’s fucking embarrassing.  It’s pointless every single time, yet we keep doing it.  Most of the planet’s resources are used, wasted, and destroyed to secure access to more resources.  IT. IS. SO. FUCKING. FRUSTRATING.

It reminds me of when I was a little kid.  My older brother used to trade me a shiny penny for my dirty, crumpled up dollar bill.  He thought I was a sucker.  I figured he was a sucker.  In reality, we’re all suckers.  We traded a beautiful, lush planet that could sustain us in vast numbers for thousands of years, for fossil fuels, even though there were alternatives that would allow us to have our cake and eat it too.  FUCK.

It actually started with George and his mother.

I had an off day.  It’s still positive, though.  I recently followed an autistic activist who has since blown my mind with helpful information.  I’ve seen their posts in the past, but sporadically.  I thought I was already following them, but after I messed around building an app to help manage my account, I’ve experienced some uh… unanticipated features.  On my lifelong quest to avoid being an asshole, I’ve met people who greatly contribute to my efforts.  I adore humans who help me be a better person through their example, information or both.

I got my notification postcard indicating I’m an official member of the Democratic party.  (I was an Independent before.)  I held it up while facing east and presenting finger to 45.  (It was a moral imperative.)  Did you see his budget proposal?  Are you fucking kidding me?  I don’t think it will pass.  I’d like to take a moment to gently remind Congress what humans do when they have nothing to lose:  They fight back like their lives depend on it.  People who aren’t directly affected by the proposed greed often fight beside them, or on their behalf.  Love wins, life wins.  Eugenics is the epitome of unethical concepts.

The GOP is going after the most vulnerable Americans because they’re vulnerable.  The Republican party wants to punish them for existing.  They want to damn the poor, the sick, the disabled, and the elderly for being poor, sick, disabled, and elderly.  They don’t want to stop there.  They also want to increase the number of Americans who live in poverty.  The proposed budget documents the GOP’s callousness and greed.  They pretend to want smaller government, but in reality, they want the government to stop holding corporations accountable for breaking laws.  They want the laws removed so they can rape the planet without getting fined.  Fuck the Koch brothers and the rest of the small nations posing as citizens.  I hope they all die in a fire. (Agnostic atheist for go to hell.)

Fortunately, even if they don’t die in the manner I’ve suggested, they’ll still die.  They can’t buy a new body (yet).  In twenty years, most of these evil men will be dead.  Good riddance to anyone who values wealth over life.  Too bad we can’t vote them off the planet.  It would certainly be logical.

 

You have nothing better to do at 3 o’clock in the afternoon?

If everyone always agreed with me, I would be horrified silently.

I don’t believe in imaginary friends, like Safety and Security.

I won’t stand on your shoulders, but beside you in unity.

We must observe and witness carefully.

There’s a demon on an evil spree.

It’s going after the vulnerable, and free.

What will come will come, and be what be,

it will all be remembered in history.