“The problem with talking is that nobody stops you from saying the wrong thing.”

I’m recovering from the holiday season.  I overdid it, and I’m still paying for it.  It was worth it.  Heh.  I know when I can say that, I’m nearing recovery.  Whew.  It was not my resolution to spend the first week of 2018 stapled to the floor.  (That’s what it feels like, anyway.)

I realized part of why I’ve struggled with Oathbringer by Brandon Sanderson is it triggers me.  Recognition made all the difference.  I’m almost finished.  I also reread Anne of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery.  As a preteen, I didn’t pick up on the humor.  This time, I belly laughed often.

This year, I’m going to focus on books written by women.  My next book is Kindred, by Octavia Butler. (It’s also going to trigger me.)  I hope I develop some emotional callouses.  I’ve made progress giving away things I don’t want or use anymore.  It’s fascinating how quickly items are grabbed up (with permission) by my neighbors.

My only regret is they’re taking the boxes, too.  And the folding table I had them on.  Heh.  I guess someone needed it.  I like my apartment so much better now.  My living room looks like I just graduated from university; spacious.  I love it.  I’m off to purge another box of anxiety-provoking stuff.

“I’m exhausted. I’ve been on this street a thousand times. It’s never looked so strange.”

I’m so tired.  I’ve been acting as if I have infinite energy, (again.)  My body usually plays along with this delusion until I crash.  Good times.  At least I can hold my head up without too much effort.  I’m overwhelmed, but it’s a result of too much awesome in a short period of time.  I’ve been trying to piece together what happened, and devise a plan to calm down.  It started when Oathbringer, by Brandon Sanderson was released.  (Authorized Oathbringer artwork by Michael Whelan.)

I knew the overexcitement would level me if I didn’t pace myself.  Nevertheless, I didn’t.  I couldn’t read for comprehension because my mind was breakdancing.  Then I got a notice from one of those design-your-own-stuff websites.  It informed me the item I created infringed on Brandon Sanderson’s property, and therefore, was no longer available.  Oops.  I barely remember making it.  Someone bought it, and I owe Brandon Sanderson thirty-three cents. (I think it was a mousepad or something.)

It was kind of like seeing Obi Wan’s illuminated ghost in the sky, reminding me to use The Force.  So I set the novel aside to regain my focus.  It’s difficult to explain how significant the story is to me.  It’s helping me exist happily in my two worlds.  There have been a few times in my life where I’ve been broken to the degree I knew I could let go of one (or both) of my worlds.  (I sometimes wonder if I made the right choice.)

Autism feels like being stuck in extremes, and longing for middle ground, to me.  I suspect it’s why I find myself drawn to those with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.  I’m probably not complicated to anyone, but especially not to them, it seems.  I wonder if it played a factor in my attraction to my ex-husband, (he’s schizophrenic, but wasn’t diagnosed when we married.)  Being engaged makes me think about him lots lately.  More good times.

I read Artemis, by Andy Weir.  I loved it even more than The Martian.  It’s often hilarious.  Andy Weir is fabulous.  I still wasn’t settled enough to read Oathbringer.  So I returned to witches and vampires.  I’m reading the second in a series by Deborah Harkness, titled Shadow of Night.  I’m able to focus and am enjoying the series immensely.  I love reading about these creatures, and the fascinatingly different ways people write of them.

Fortunately, I’ll be ready to devour Oathbringer when I get home.  I’m enjoying our time in Denver, despite crashing today.  I’m going to watch more footage of Stevie Nicks on her latest tour next.  The one I saw earlier began my journey back to calmness.  She told the audience to go after our dreams, after pointing out how long she worked to make hers a reality.  She gave specific examples of things we should do, (which floored me.)  I know this sounds literally fantastic, but she told me to write the book.  So I’m going to do just that.  💜

“Dark and disturbed? His whole life revolves around Superman and cereal.”

Kitties!

Today went well.  I didn’t go see Star Wars.  It wasn’t the right time.  Sundays are for self-care.  I experiment with lots of beauty product samples, deep condition my hair, and clean.  It’s my way of arming myself for the week ahead.  This year is too stressful to be anything but proactive.

I ordered a new hair care regimen from Form Beauty.  It’s one of the companies that sponsor my new podcast;  Gettin’ Grown.  I started listening to the podcast from the beginning, so I’m still behind at this point.  The older promo code worked, though.  (Type formbeauty.com/gettingrown for 10% off.)  I can’t wait to try it.

The hosts both live in major cities on the east coast, (NYC and D.C.) and still struggle to find products for people of color.  I guess living in South Dakota isn’t a disadvantage (in this single instance.)  Heh.

I’m re-reading the Harry Potter books.  It’s another epic tale that also serves as a survival guide for life.   Every reading renews my sense of survivorship.  Like Harry, I live in two worlds simultaneously.  He’s the boy who lived.  I’m the girl who lived.  There are many parallels, and it’s nice to feel understood and accurately comprehended.

The Harry Potter series is the best guide for surviving with PTSD I’ve ever read.  J.K. Rowling understands humans far better than anyone I’ve read or encountered in the mental health field.  Frankly, I think it should be used as a teaching tool for mental health providers.  You can’t help heal without understanding.

I haven’t felt my blood pressure increase significantly after someone professed the books are solely for children in a while.  It’s a book you read over and over for the rest of your life because it’s the only way you’ll get all it has to offer.  J.K. Rowling is a Jedi Master, and it makes me so happy.  I’m off to read.

“Jerry, Newman and I are engaged in a epic struggle for world domination.”

It’s been a fantastic week. I’m still listening to Synthesis by Evanescence several times a day. It will be a while before I’m ready to listen to anything else. (This always happens with unicorns.) M. is overtly studying my behavior.

I don’t mind, of course. I just thought of four ways to elaborate on that, and they all made me laugh out loud. M. asked me if I’m “over Stevie Nicks” now that Evanescence just rocked my world. (I walked away without saying a word. See Alison adult, then feel smug about it.)

I think he was just teasing me. Especially since I insisted he watch some Stevie Nicks interviews with me on YouTube yesterday, (to get a different perspective.) I’ll ask later because now it’s going to bother me. I’m still pretty timid about assuming what I interpret is in the same universe as that of others. (For good reason.)

I’m astonished how little anxiety I’ve experienced this week. My ears are a bit raw from wearing uncomfortable headphones for hours. I’ll be ecstatic when wireless headphones improve. At least enough to completely replace wired cans for music. They’re podcast ready at this point IMHO.

I’m researching a new pair of critical listening over-ear headphones. It’s probably a good thing Evanescence doesn’t release albums too often, as this happened last time. The mastering is superb in Synthesis. I haven’t watched the making of videos yet, but when I do, I’ll be hoping to see which headphones they used, (then praying I can afford them.)

I’ll never own a pair of Beats. That’s my precise level of an audiophile. Heh.

Dear Pharell Williams, please (all over) design some Audio Technica Limited Edition ATH-MX50’s with built-in Bluetooth 4.2, Amp/DAC, memory foam/breathable pads, and a dope hard case. Love, me. I’d pay $499 (with minimal whining.) Please. 🙃

I’m reading Oathbringer, presently. It’s an uber-epic novel in a series within the Cosmere (universe.) It’s going to take me a while to finish my first read, and I’ll re-read it several times. It’s part of my journey. Brandon Sanderson earned a lot of influence in my life. (Right up there with Stevie Nicks, and just as gently.)

I had a shower cry over Al Franken’s outing as a predator. He came from Hollywood, which made it less shocking. But it still hurts a lot.

Dear predators, predatory behavior makes loving you painful at best. Please grow forward. Love, Evolved humanity.

My inner 5-year-old just called me a hippie and suggested I move to California, so I’m off to beat my drums.

“It’s an amazing thing.”

It’s an incredible week.  Evanescence released a new album, and I’m already in love.  I purchased the CD, but until it arrives, I’ve been listening non-stop on Spotify.  It’s titled Synthesis.  It has some tracks fans are familiar with, but they’re different.  Better.  Damn.  My hands are shaking because it’s so fabulous and I’m listening while blogging, which is super hard for me to pull off.  It feels like having a tug of war with myself.  This is going to be a short post.

Tomorrow, Oathbringer by Brandon Sanderson is released.  Finally!  I’m overwhelmed with joy.  As if that isn’t enough for me to disappear for a while, I also acquired a used generic electric bass and three Pocket Operators by Teenage Engineering.  They’re little handheld synthesizers.  I got Arcade, Office, and Robot.  (The other four are on my wishlist for now.)

Until I finish reading Oathbringer and calm down a bit over Synthesis, I’ll be too distracted to obey clocks.  I can’t believe how happy I am right now.  I can’t focus enough to say more, so I’m off to listen with my Grado’s.  In the dark.  Where I can cry without feeling obligated to explain why.  Peace.