So, this happened. Yep. I squeed through tears. It’s catchy, and I was singing along before it even ended the first time. It’s identified as a country song, but I choose to see it as Sheryl Crow Rock. Yep, it’s a genre. She has country and rock roots and combines them with beautiful results. As a student of both Stevie Nicks and Sheryl Crow, I automatically know the song includes life lessons. Bonus.
I’ve never heard of Maren Morris, but they have a lovely voice. Like if Dolly Parton and Kristen Chenoweth had a baby, (not sure if we’re there yet scientifically, but humor me, please.) Add to that Stevie Nicks lending her range, edge, and harmonizing skills, and Sheryl Crow being herself, and you’ll see why I’m having one of those days that are so joyful, I can’t help but thank the universe.
The song is empowering to me. It’s saying don’t put snarky expectations on how I will react to a breakup. Just because it would make you feel better is no reason to assume I’m going to fall apart over you. I know how to work with my feelings, and fluidly move on to whatever comes next. In heels. (No bitch for emphasis necessary because if the shoe fits, it’s implied. So ninja.) 😂 I love songs that celebrate healthy thinking. I’m off to listen on repeat. I can’t wait for the video! ✌🏽💜
p.s. My janky foot is almost healed enough for open hi-hatting. Yay, body!
Homecoming: a film by Beyoncè Knowles-Carter, is presently streaming on Netflix. It was on my welcome screen, where it belongs. Well done, Netflix. (The HBCU documentary series is next, right Netflix?) 👍🏽 My face hurts from grinning nonstop since I found Homecoming. I don’t care. Two hours and seventeen minutes with Beyoncè and her hand-picked talent have lifted me all the way through. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve streamed it, so far. Thank you, Beyoncè; I’m incredibly proud of you! 💜💜
I’m thrilled by how it’s led to my feeling compelled to play my violin. And drums, guitar, and bass. (I’m fighting off an urge to play my keyboard as I type.) I’m inspired to create music again. As I rewatch, I’m studying the complexities of Beyoncè’s music. Also, fantasizing about how amazing it must feel to be in a band with Beyoncè. She had people, some of whom look like me (!!!) playing the violin in the middle of all the festivities, and they rocked! Yep. I squeed so hard.
I love that Beyoncè has harnessed her superpowers to build others up. Also, her leading superpower is hard work. Beyoncè leads by example, and successfully demonstrated the same leadership skills I studied in Army training. She gifted us with footage of her beautiful family, and herself unmasked. I’m grateful whenever Beyoncè reminds us she’s human. She’s continuously striving to be the best Beyoncè she can be, and it makes me want to be the best Alison I can be.
Aside from clips with her children, my favorite part is when Solange joins her at the pyramid base, and they dance together. It felt like the joyful moment with my sister, Heather, I’ve longed for since her passing. It was sisterhood celebrated in a manner so healing to me. I’m using my augmented morale to develop a new skill. It entails installing a stop and think before allowing my pain to speak.
I don’t ever want to weaponize my pain. I recognize I’ve made this mistake in the past. I’ve lashed out and felt justified in my sloppy aim because I was injured. It didn’t make it stop. It just added guilt to the pain. Fail. I’m sorry to those I’ve hurt with hasty, ugly words. New strategy: Say, ow, when the pain hits. Pause and think before saying anything further. Focus on shaping the pain into something beautiful, (rather than allowing it to leak all willy nilly.) Turn ow into wow. Heh. (Too corny to trademark.) 🤭
I’m watching Game of Thrones in realtime for the first time. It’s excruciatingly fabulous. It feels like HBO is teasing me, but I don’t mind, because they’re also giving me candy, and there might be cake. (Isn’t this how heroin works?) Glued. Also, I picked up on a hint to cease all speculative info dumping regarding the story. (It was from a fellow autistic, but it still counts. Maybe double.) Ceased. 💪🏽🙃 I’m off to resume the adulting I’ve neglected, recently, (for some reason.) ✌🏽💜
Congratulations go out to Stevie Nicks and Janet Jackson; both inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Stevie Nicks is now the first woman to be inducted twice. Legendary, yo. Watching her perform live was a bucket list moment for me. I immediately put it back on the list, too. (Please, sir. I want some more.) Fran recently put me on to Solange Knowles during The Friend Zone podcast, and I’m hooked whooked. 😆
I watched all the existing episodes of One Strange Rock on Netflix, recently. It’s Will Smith hosting a show where eight astronauts talk about their experiences in space. In doing so, they teach a lot about the earth and our universe. It’s fabulous. I watch documentaries often, but I learned some life-changing information that never once crossed my mind while watching and pondering.
I’m not ready to talk about it yet. I need more time to process and translate into words. I think everyone should see it. It broadened my perspective in a manner that accepts the universe in all her glory. It reminds me of Game of Thrones when Maester Aemon says, “Kill the boy and let the man be born.” I feel a bit long in the tooth compared to Jon Snow, but it’s all relative, eh? 🤣
I’ve almost finished with my second viewing of HBO’s Westworld (seasons 1-2.) I’m so impressed by it. The attention to detail is astonishing. The performances are excellent cast-wide. The delivery of historically-accurate, and thus, often campy dialogue in a completely believable manner by so many actors is fabulous. The costumes! The production; as meticulously crafted as the world it portrays. I’m so proud of the people who work on it. It’s a shiny gem. And that doesn’t even include the soundtrack, which is a significant part of the storytelling process. Chills!
I had a scary low cognitive abilities day, recently. I think I triggered it accidentally by blundering into a Chasm of Fascination. I only meant to peek in, but I fell head first. (I’m safely distant from the edge now. Whew.) Dimensional space speculation is dangerous ground for me. I got deep in thought, and after several hours, I felt a bit stuck. Then I panicked and tried to shift to practicing guitar. Sadly, I merely held my guitar for a few hours while I thought more about dimensional space.
To function while in this state, I have to talk myself through everything. To get a drink of water, I have to chant aloud, drink water, or I’ll lose a few more hours halfway through the process of fetching it. It’s like being stuck between two worlds while trying to pay attention to both at the same time. It takes all available resources to perform the simplest tasks. These are the times when Amelia Bedelia is more service animal than companion pet. She’ll persistently demand my presence until I claw my way back, (and she knows when I’m faking it with autopilot.) I give her a treat each time.
I’m back to typical, today, but I’m still a bit disoriented time-wise. It seems like this should be Friday, not Sunday. (I believe the consensus regarding treatment for time disorientation is to tell someone about it. 👍🏽) Shrill on Hulu is a super fun binge. I can’t wait till they add more. I’m off to read. 💜✌🏽
Since the Fleetwood Mac concert, I’ve been quiet, calm, and surprisingly tranquil (considering the world is on fire.) I’ve spent a lot of time thinking. It’s funny how a rock ‘n’ roll concert, in all its heart-thumping glory, can trigger inner stillness and contemplation in the aftermath. I wasn’t stapled to the floor as anticipated as a result, either. I’ve merely slept more deeply and productively; Bonus.
I sense some healing took place during the experience. Yay. I’m not very good at narrowing these things down. (I probably can’t be bothered in my rush to celebrate.) There are light and airy feelings I associate with healing recognition; like a gentle euphoria — a release of a burden whose loss keeps almost surprising you. I love it when positivity is playful.
My body is depressed today. It feels strange when my emotions don’t match my physical response. I prefer body depression over mental depression. I’ll take an annoyance over despair anytime. It still takes a lot of pep talks to get anything done, though. Gravity has suddenly increased in my dot of the universe. Even sitting upright to type this is taxing. (Still better than despair.) Heh.
The hot flashes associated with menopause are over. I didn’t know they were temporary! I thought it was for life! I’m so thrilled by this discovery. Upon further consideration, menopause rocks, yo. (I mean. I don’t know what’s coming up that requires hair in weird places, but whatever.) Love. It. It’s easier to get up earlier now, too. I must have reached the oh-shit-it’s-morning-exasperation saturation point, and started wrapping things up sooner subconsciously. So ninja. 😂
I just took a short break to catch my breath. Body depression is ridiculous. I’m not a chain smoker. Typing at my desk should not render me breathless. At least not without the agonizing soul ache that typically accompanies. I feel like I put the world on backward today. It fits better this way. Heh. (Puts a star in the blessings column.) What? 🙃
I failed on my first attempt at seeing my primary care physician. It was too cold to risk. (I think the windchill was -52 F.) I stepped outside and did an immediate about-face. Sadly, their’s no DIY option to reschedule online. You have to call or go in person. (I don’t speak on the phone.) I plan to go there to order my glasses and reschedule on my way out. I got two snail mail letters from the VA with a deadline of February 14th to reschedule. (Sorry, not sorry about your agoraphobia, bitch?) 😶
Anyway, I can do it. I’m aiming for a day with temperatures above 0 F. Monday is looking hopeful. It’s harder to combat agoraphobia during severe weather. I forgive myself for choosing safety over victory. The days of shrugging off weird weather are gone. Journey before destination. I’m off to test my new coat heater while I walk the dog. 💜✌🏾
The Fleetwood Mac concert was last night. I still have a massive grin on my face. I’m floating on a cloud of joy, today. Since I attended alone, I took a Lyft ride there and back. Aside from struggling to locate my Lyft driver among so many others after the show, it proved ideal. Instead of waiting in lines, the crowd smoothly flowed through security to our seats. It was like being gently guided.
I was seated among lovely people who reminded me why I love Sioux Falls so much. A woman seated with her partner in front of me turned around and gave me a high-five when the band took the stage. I was between a group of young women and two men around my age. We spontaneously swayed arm-in-arm to the music several times while singing along. 😮😍😆🙃
It startled me at first, but I played it off and joined in. Then I internally celebrated my happy amazement over bonding with local strangers without the slightest bit of panic. I had floor seats, so we stood from the moment the music began until the band took a bow at the end. I wore cargo pants with a leg pocket for my phone, which was perfect. I didn’t lose anything while mesmerized by the performance. Yay.
After a few songs, I realized I was standing there on tiptoes with my hands clutched in fists just below my chin, shoulders hunched, eyes open as wide as they go, and presumably a super goofy expression around my grin. (Part of me is secretly hoping the band couldn’t see us well from beneath the lighting.) I couldn’t help it. (Even though I’ve seen photos of people doing this, and thought they looked like doofs.) Heh.
I had a fantastic time. I did see one other black person, but I think he worked there. 😂 (I didn’t look around at the audience once the band started playing.) Mick Fleetwood’s drumming blew my mind. His kit is gold with penguins on the kick drum. After stunning us with his skills, he got up and casually tossed his sticks while exiting the stage. (So cool.) He did all the faces, too. I love him. 😆
The magical vibe that only Fleetwood Mac can create remains wrapped around me like a hug. Watching Stevie Nicks in her element with my own eyes was a bucket list moment. She rocked. I love her. (I’m making that face again.) Christine McVie came out from behind the keyboards to sing beside Stevie Nicks, too. (I may have involuntarily squeed.) I loved seeing Sharon Celani and Lori Nicks singing backup, as well. The band sounded fabulous. The percussion and bass were felt as well as heard, (which is how it should be.)
The new lineup is tight and smooth together. I think they’re even better now. (Yep. I said it.) The tribute to Tom Petty was brilliant. I’m off to continue being a happy doof while I practice drumming. ✌🏾💜
p.s. Here’s the photo I took (just before I forgot my phone could do that.)