“I have another complaint for Jim’s permanent file.”

decorative toys and stuffies

I had a fun Halloween.  I dressed up as a sloth and passed out candy very slowly to trick-or-treaters.  I suspect some of the kids didn’t recognize I was role-playing and thought I was just old.  Heh.  (A few got impatient and went to another apartment, then returned when I broke character after noticing it only amused me.)  The kids were loud, excited, and adorable.  I liked having their energy breeze through.

I couldn’t figure out how to take a selfie while masked.  🤪  M invited me to join him at a party, but the theme included the word haunted or horror.  We both started laughing after he asked.  I’ve never been wired to appreciate the thrill of being scared.  Epigenetics, yo.  I’m a wee bit jealous of the people who can participate in such things (without crying.) I have my Blu-rays of Us and Get Out that I won’t be watching, ever. (I bought them to support Jordan Peele.)

I haven’t even watched American Horror Story, and Stevie Nicks is in it. (!!!) (M said that alone proves it’s epigenetics.)  😂  My mind is running all over the place.  I’m officially a Lizzo fan.  I loved her immediately.  I find out about new-to-me artists from my favorite podcasts lately.  My introduction to American Griots, by Louis York, was terrific.  They performed a song on The Friend Zone podcast, and it was ear candy.  I preordered the album immediately after.  (It’s so good!)

neon sign stating, it was all a dream

XD, from Jade and XD, created a unisex fragrance, called, D’Leau.  I ordered some, and in the process, created two scents of my own.  Both M and I are in love with D’Leau.  It’s officially my favorite at this time.  However, the ones I created reek.  (It turns out; I suck at it.) Fortunately, I don’t care because I have D’Leau.  😆  I’ve had two people ask me about it so far (and you know I don’t get out much.)  😂

It’s World of Warcraft’s 15th anniversary.  I’ve been playing on and off for eleven years now.  I have no plans of quitting, although I did have an unfortunate incident the other day. I was soloing a dungeon from The Burning Crusade, and some toon assassin appeared from thin air behind me.  It scared the shit out of me, and I nearly had a panic attack.  I took a three-day break, then got right back in there and reran it, this time on the heroic setting.

It still startled me when I triggered the assassin again, but I didn’t panic.  I just stood there and let the bastard try to kill my toon until I got bored, then ended him with nonchalance.  (I’m a level 110 tank, and he was level 80 or something.)  I’m so glad Blizzard allows us to travel back to lower level areas to exact revenge.  I don’t do it often, but when I do, I drink Dos Equis I usually have a blast.  I’m going to upgrade because they’re releasing a new expansion next year.  It’ll probably take me that long to reach level 120.  Heh.  I’m off to play.  💜✌🏽

p.s.  Missy Elliot was on The Read TV show on Fuse!!!

“He can heal leopards.”

synthesizer chess

I’m in a weird mood. 😉  I’m so glad it’s finally cooled off; it means I can sleep under my weighted blanket again. I’ve been moving things around to prepare for winter.  I rearranged my synthesizer rig so I can experiment while sitting, standing, or bouncing on a fitness ball.

It’s modular due to often adding more, and changing out which ones are hooked up.  My brain insists I audition a gazillion different sounds and note my favorites before I can even consider creating.  I have a strong need to know what my equipment can do before I allow it to become part of my music.

It amuses me to have such a tedious, time-consuming methodology as an amateur musician.  You’d think I was preparing to create an epic symphony or something.  I imagine if I live long enough to master this process, I’ll probably use my hard-won skills to create the definitive sound of a Gigantosaurus fart. Or something.  🙃

mystery island

Afterlife interviewer:  So what did you do with your life?

Me:  (beaming) I’m the one who decided what dinosaur farts sounded like after they were extinct.

Afterlife interviewer:  (pause) Cool!

Me:  IKR!

Gettin’ Grown podcast this week (Daddy Lessons) was fabulous.  Hey Fran Hey, from The Friend Zone, and Crissle from The Read were guests.  I loved their explanations of what healing means; how it’s an ongoing process that requires maintenance (forever.)  They were also completely open about father-daughter relationships.

I laughed so hard despite the emotionally charged topic.  I have no idea how these (chosen) sisters managed to make it so funny, yet incredibly helpful in understanding my dad relationship.  I’m happy I found these podcasts.  Crissle and Kid Fury have a TV show now!  (FUSE, Oct. 11th, 11 PM.)

I can’t wait.  😆 I added two more podcasts:  3 Questions with Andy Richter, and Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend.  I highly recommend all these podcasts.  However, don’t listen to them in public unless you’re comfortable laughing your ass off in front of strangers, who don’t know why you’re laughing.  (Based on experience, I can’t stress this enough.)

Welp, I’m off to play with my synthesizers.  Those dinosaur fart sounds aren’t going to make themselves (anymore.)  💜✌

 

” It has come to my attention that some people here think that the use of drugs is something to laugh about.”

This video is for a short story by Andy Weir (The Martian and Artemis.)  It’s been on my mind since I first viewed it.  It aligns with my beliefs but goes beyond where I stopped imagining.  (When I realized I couldn’t find out what happens after death without dying, my interest plummeted.)  Andy Weir has a fabulous imagination.

I have a more organized understanding of why I view others as I do, now.  My transition to full auntie has surprised me in some ways.  I thought I would suddenly become a little cranky and say shit like, get off my lawn, (even though I don’t have one.)  I was looking forward to having no more damns to give.  I was wrong.

It’s the opposite.  It’s no longer possible for people younger than me to irk me.  When they make mistakes, my reaction varies from an inner chuckle over the memory of when I made the same mistake, to me cheering for them for taking a risk and making that mistake.  It’s weird and fun.

sky gazing

Just the other day, I saw a young person make a mistake, and I remember thinking they must be creative.  Heh.  Full auntie rocks.  Also, I have more awe for (good) active parents.  I still feel wrapped in the mesmerizing vibe of Fleetwood Mac from the concert in February.  I hope it never goes away.

I got a concert BluRay of Evanescences’ Synthesis Live a while ago.  The formerly scary (to me) audience has transformed into one where I’ll probably be the weirdest present when I go.  Yay.  (Even though I know, I’m going to bawl the whole time, just like at the Beyoncè show.)  I don’t care.  I’ll bring tissues.

If you heard someone shouting, yes, repeatedly, yesterday, it was probably me.  Or some other Gettin’ Grown listener.  Chef Jade and Dr. Keia are back.  😆  I missed them and am proud of them for demonstrating excellent self-care.  (Tell me, show me, sing about it, they all help me grow.)

I read I’m Telling the Truth, But I’m Lying, by Bassey Ikpi recently.  (Recommended by both The Read and The Friend Zone podcasts.)  It’s essays that describe the experiences of someone coming to terms with mental illness.  It’s as intimate as thought and highly relatable in a manner that allows you to feel safe enough to observe up close.  When it ended, I wanted it to keep going.

It reminded me we’re as much alike as different, and left me feeling hopeful.  Definitely worth reading.  I hope it becomes mandatory reading for mental health professionals.  I’m off to get ready for date night.  I’m dressing up for the first time in ages, so this should be interesting.  Heh.  ✌🏽💜

p.s.  I’m obsessed with The Office now.  Until further notice, titles going forward will be quotes from that show.

“That’s when I began my affair with Mohandas.”

Threads by Sheryl Crow

Threads by Sheryl Crow dropped today.  I’ve listened with my full attention twice so far.  Once with my desktop monitors, and once with Bose QC35 headphones.  All I can say is; wow.  I’ll be spending a lot of time with this album.  In my head, I’m listening with Stevie Nicks and Solange.  (I need them to collaborate on a project IRL.  Please, dear universe.)

I’m so proud of Sheryl Crow.  The track, Redemption Day, is an old song reenvisioned.  The new version made me sit down like I was getting a tattoo on my soul.  I’m listening with Grado headphones next.  I think they’ll be the sweet spot, but I have three others to test, (all German engineered.)  I love Sheryl Crow.  Her energy is beautiful.

I’m slowly rebooting post-meltdown.  I’m doing it differently, this time.  Instead of fleeing inward, I’m gradually recovering while present.  I’ve accepted it’s a process, and am not indulging in any cynical internal narration to amuse myself in the meantime.  It was fun when I didn’t know better.  Now if I do it, I picture my mom looking at me like she may have overestimated my intelligence.  (Cut to my ego in an ER where the doctor just yelled, clear!)

woman

My victories this week include things like brushing my teeth and showering.  Each one empowers me to gain another, but for now, I can do three or four hard things a day.  I exercised, ate, showered, brushed my teeth, and paid bills today.  Yay, me!  I still have energy left for the evening, plus I can find essential words on demand, today.  😆

I missed a dental appointment, but I didn’t waste energy beating myself up for it.  (I used it to reschedule.)  I’m so grateful to have my voice back.  It feels like being allowed to wear clothing in public again.  I have a ways to go till recovered, but I’ll get there.  Solange’s music is healing in ways I can’t yet articulate.  It makes me feel valuable.  I didn’t know music could do that.  I’m off to commune with Threads.  💜✌🏽

“Scissors mishap, air show disaster, chinese organ thieves; it’s a dangerous world.”

reset count

I’m recovering from a meltdown.  An airshow (and the practice leading up to it) shut me down like an off switch.  Bose QC35 noise-canceling headphones, worn from sunup to sundown, couldn’t shield me from the ridiculous pilot shenanigans; she said, acidly.  I was in air defense units for several years of my military career.  I’ve been vigilant of the sky ever since as if programmed to assume watch whenever outdoors.  It wasn’t part of my specialty, but I had the opportunity to witness, and a few times, (range) fire all of the Army’s air defense weaponry.  Cherished experiences.

I don’t worry about war, as many do.  America has been at war my entire life, and likely yours.  I have a tremendous amount of faith in our military from experiencing it firsthand.  I paid for this comfort with sweat, tears, and anxiety that too often manifested as inopportune hurling for distance.  (Raising fist in solidarity with anyone who has ever been beaten up for accidentally barfing on someone.)  It was worth it.  Plus, I had access to a lot of cool shit a decade before civilians; (like email.)  I just deleted a whole paragraph about the old days.  You’re welcome. 🙃

I’m hoping to regain my ability to speak aloud today.  I’m confident Solange’s A Seat at the Table on repeat will draw out my voice.  Music’s power over my neurology and mood astonishes and delights me.  It’s my favorite survival tool.  When I can’t talk, I tend to stop communicating altogether.  People are especially dangerous at these times, so it’s isolation without my consent.  When I recover basic functionality, I may enjoy solitude a little too much.  The rock I used to dwell beneath sends such warm invitations.  (In my head, Stevie Nicks clears her throat, then burns them while making eye contact.)  No worries on that front.  Heh.

I’m off to start wrapping my head around a mini-vacation this weekend.  Good thing I like obsessively planning for shit.  😂✌🏾💜