“I don’t know. Last time, I got the tap.”

Humans, the game.

I’ve been speculating about a pre-life scenario in which we choose our families before we’re born.  Sometimes, I wonder if this is the case for me.  It seems to me my life was specifically designed to aid in rejecting hate.  I suck at hating people.  I literally can’t do it for very long.  It’s like having a bug in your nose.  You divert all energy to removing it as quickly as possible.  Nothing else matters until it’s gone.

Hating takes a lot of resources.  It also has a lot of unfortunate side effects.  Like premature aging.  (There’s a reason people associate oldness with intolerance.)  Also, hate makes people ugly.  Dogs and toddlers react to hateful people instinctively.  That’s a lot of detectors.  If your dog is wary around someone, you notice, right?  Same with small children.  It’s a survival mechanism.

I’m glad I suck at it.  I’m pretty sure I’m as bitter as it’s possible to be about racism, without becoming racist.  Everything I’ve experienced and witnessed so far reinforces the fact we’re all the same.  Skin color is no more significant than eye color.  Whether you exist on soil A or soil B matters not at all.  What matters is what you do with your avatar.

We have varied interests; our characteristics shaped by our ancestors.  What we experience, process, and reflect upon affect how we perceive the world.  But we’re all the same, too.  There are no differences that make one group more or less worthy of life than another.  The groups are only significant because we make them so.  We react to our subtle differences as if we’re pre-programmed to encounter aliens at some point in the future, (or as likely in the past.)

We’re little creators.  We create our world and everything it holds, then create stories about ourselves and our lives and exchange them.  I’m hoping for aliens in the very near future (because I’m exasperated by racism, and I think it would put things in a more realistic perspective.) Hating brown skin will seem silly when the green guys with three heads show up, don’t you know.  It might be the only thing that makes all of humanity cherish all of humanity.

I wonder if I chose my family because I knew living on a planet with 7 billion or so others would at least require tolerance of others.  Tribalism doesn’t work with billions of people on one earth.  It’s a straight path to species annihilation, which I hope isn’t the goal.  I hope whoever programmed this game we call life included numerous scenarios in which humans exist in future expansion packs.  I’d like to think the next update will be Humans: Post-physical Shenanigans.  It’ll be like the internet on steroids.  😂

“Touch this, feel that. Seventy-five bucks.”

We had a thunderstorm last night, and are expected to have another today.  I’ve been wearing noise-canceling headphones to compensate.  Fortunately, the new episode of Gettin’ Grown with Jade and Keia podcast is out.  It’s something I look forward to each week.  My Amazon Prime membership expires in a few days.  Buh-bye to my former impulse shopping addiction.

In celebration of this wise decision, I ordered one last thing.  I purchase fidgets and sensory toys every so often.  I can’t recall a time when I didn’t.  I’m pleased with the recent popularity of fidget toys because now they’re conversation starters, too.  I ordered Super Cool Unicorn Poop.  (It’s purple and blue, glittery slime in a cute little bottle.)  It’s odorless.

unicorn poop

It feels like jello that wasn’t allowed to set long enough, without the sticky mess.  (It’s non-toxic.)  My skin feels wet after touching it, but it leaves no residue.  It’s right at the limit of my grossness tolerance.  I won’t play with it often, but it’s ridiculously fabulous when I do.  (I was even more amused by the fact someone is selling a single used bottle, last I checked.)

I got the 3-pack because slime shrinks over time.  There’s a negative review by someone who was irate over receiving partially full bottles.  They may have overlooked the limited shelf-life.  Or perhaps they bought a used version.  Heh.  I don’t think of myself as stuck-up, but when it comes to slime, I prefer new.  In fact, I insist.  😂  Also, I want to see this on How It’s Made.  So much.

My body seems to have recovered from my recent dietary fiasco.  The only lingering effect is my broken off-switch.  Unfortunately, it’s broken all the time, so I’m probably just hyper-aware of it lately.  I’m trying to be careful about what I begin because I’m likely to continue for quite some time.  I usually track this by how often I complete 1000-piece jigsaw puzzles.  Ideally, it should take at least two sessions.

I do them daily as part of my winding down routine before sleeping.  I love puzzles.  If I start completing one a day, I know my broken off-switch is operating unacceptably.  I use this method because I notice, even when in rote mode.  Eventually.  I have a love-hate relationship with my broken off-switch.  Part of me loves how I’m able to complete time-consuming tasks more quickly than others.  Another part of me recognizes the need to sleep sometimes and resents it.

Rock 'n Roll jigsaw puzzle

I don’t like it when I can’t stop, though.  It doesn’t often happen, and usually results in pacing until exhaustion.  Coding marathons used to trigger it as well.  I’ve always been this way.  It used to frustrate my mom when I was a teenager.  My days and nights were backward until basic training.  I was glued to my computer every night.  The rest of the time, I was on autopilot.  I guess it’s all that interested me at the time.

I also missed school more often than I missed a run as a teenager.  It’s always been my favorite stim.  I was training for the Army, so my mom never interfered.  The funny thing is, when I was on active duty, I ran PT in the mornings with my unit, then ran again at night on my own time.  I started doing this in El Paso because of the heat.  Then it just stuck.  It only backfired once when I had a surprise PT test after running seven hours prior.  I still managed to pass, but my legs were sore after.  I’m off to read.

p.s.  Stevie Nicks is on the above puzzle twice!  (And Michael Jackson looks like someone just told him Tito killed his rat, eh?)

 

“Why, because you picked out the poison envelopes? That’s silly.”

 

Software synthesizer

I knew synthesizers were going to take over my life.  I’m so obsessed with everything about them.  I’m close to printing a PCB board and designing an ultimate portable unit that plays sounds I programmed explicitly to my taste in music.  And that’s just one small branch of my synth obsession.  Software and hardware synths seemingly provide infinite sound creation possibilities.

I’m finding it hard to rationalize sleeping.  My vague memories of being overtired and spacey aren’t powerful enough to dissuade my ongoing sabotage.  (Yet.)  The world is on fire and burning around me, but I’m happy because I have access to synthesizers.  I’m a shoe-in for dying happy, (and probably prematurely.)  It seems fair from a right now perspective.  Heh.

I don’t have enough spoons to care about the precarious state of law and order brought on by blatant corruption and Putin’s giggling denials of meddling in world politics.  Jeffery Dahmer was too literal when he took too much, eh?  I can only shake my head at the irony of our present political Mexican Standoff.  My only strategy is to seek and cherish joy (that doesn’t harm others) until the end.

I’ve also been playing a lot of PlayStation 4 games.  Mostly VR that involves flying and sea exploration.  I’ve reinforced my complete lack of desire to ever get in the ocean.  While I love swimming with whales, the few times I’ve explored in a shark tank were terrifying.  Being stalked by a massive great white shark is creepy as hell.  You don’t see it until it’s about to attack teeth first.  Just shadows you’re not sure you saw from below, then boom.

virtual reality

In VR you’re acutely aware of the size, too.  All that time watching Shark Week didn’t give me an accurate awareness of their hugeness.  Or how fast they can come out of nowhere.  It made me scream (while also aware I was sitting in a chair in my playroom home office.)  I had to regroup and catch my breath.  Then I did it again (because I’m a doof.)  Both activities are triggering my desire to begin a coding project.

Gaming usually fills me with ideas of games I’d rather play, then to designing them, etc.  I’ve been thinking about creating a game that utilizes cryptocurrency mining in a useful way (in addition to generating currency.)  A collective AI of sorts that relies as heavily on human creativity as computing horsepower.  It’s hard to extract myself from that thought path, though.  Disturbingly difficult.  I don’t think I could pull it off without an extremely tolerant babysitter.

That kind of ruins it for me.  I guess I’d settle for a version of The Oasis(Ontologically Anthropocentric Sensory Immersive Simulation).  We have the hardware, right?  Perhaps we should crowdsource/opensource it with an always freeware, no sellout caveat.  I’m in.  We could also elect an ethical leader to negotiate on its behalf.  I nominate J. K. Rowling.  It’s all just a simulation, anyway.  We may as well have fun.

Teens with VR

“It’s not like you’re launching missiles from a submarine and you both have to turn your keys.”

I had a good weekend.  I’m in a band, now.  I accepted without asking any of the obvious questions.  Such as, what’s the name of the group?  I’ve made a note to find out this weekend.  (Among other things.  Heh.)  I was just so happy to be invited, it didn’t cross my mind.

Today has been slippery.  Most of the day got away from me.  I had a meeting this morning and a violin lesson after lunch.  I didn’t have any further demands for the rest of the day.  At first, I felt anxious about it.  It feels like driving without a seatbelt when I don’t have anything to do.  It’s too loose and uncomfortable.

I got dangerously close to panicking.  When I saw my window of escape was quickly shrinking, I jumped through in the nick of time.  I sat down and thought about Stevie Nicks.  It totally worked.  I ended up watching the first three episodes of Grace and Frankie.  (Stevie Nicks likes watching TV.)

gracefrankie

I know Stevie Nicks is a big fan of Game of Thrones, but I can’t handle the TV show.  So I wondered what she’d watch on Netflix.  Heh.  (I’m such a doof.)  Grace and Frankie looked promising.  One of my oldest TV memories is of Lily Tomlin in a rocking chair that made her look like a little girl.   (I’ve loved her ever since.)

Grace and Frankie is fabulous.  I kept telling myself to keep my expectations in check, it’s just TV, and they keep blowing my freaking mind.  No wonder Netflix and Amazon Prime Video are raising their rates.  (They’re showing network TV why so many of us abandoned them altogether in favor of amateur podcasts and access to all the music.)

I was so engrossed in the show when I looked up again, it was dinner time.  We had a blizzard today, and it’s still windy.  The sound of howling wind reminds me of Patrick Rothfuss.  I’m off to start rereading his novel; The Name of the Wind.  Peace.

Blogger Recognition Award

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I’m grateful to be nominated for a Blogger Recognition Award by Thomas of Aspiblog.  I’d like to thank Thomas for thinking of me:  I appreciate how supportive you’ve been as a fellow blogger and autistic brother.  You’re a delightful friend, and I’m happy you’re part of my world.  I enjoy reading your blog.  The wildlife photos and brain teaser puzzles are fabulous.  Thanks. 😘 💜 🙃

I’m going to break the rules of this award.  I’m supposed to nominate ten other bloggers.  The problem is, it means all but those ten will be left out.  My blogosphere is significantly larger.  I’m thankful to everyone who reads my words.  More so to those who share their own.  This is my safe place in the world where I can interact with others.  It’s someplace I fit, which is astonishing and fabulous.

Thanks for spending some of your precious time interacting with me, (in the one arena where I can participate.)  I love you for it.  You’re amazing and I hope you know it.  (Yep.  I mean you.  I couldn’t tell you if you weren’t reading this.)  Next time the universe gives you an atomic wedgie, and you catch yourself feeling low, please remember there’s someone who thinks you totally rock.  (Psst.  It’s me.)  💜💜💜✌🏽