“I saw someone on the street eating M&M’s with a spoon.”

The Fleetwood Mac concert was last night.  I still have a massive grin on my face.  I’m floating on a cloud of joy, today.  Since I attended alone, I took a Lyft ride there and back.  Aside from struggling to locate my Lyft driver among so many others after the show, it proved ideal.  Instead of waiting in lines, the crowd smoothly flowed through security to our seats.  It was like being gently guided.

twitterish meme
joke credit: VisualVox

I was seated among lovely people who reminded me why I love Sioux Falls so much.  A woman seated with her partner in front of me turned around and gave me a high-five when the band took the stage.  I was between a group of young women and two men around my age.  We spontaneously swayed arm-in-arm to the music several times while singing along.  😮😍😆🙃

It startled me at first, but I played it off and joined in.  Then I internally celebrated my happy amazement over bonding with local strangers without the slightest bit of panic.  I had floor seats, so we stood from the moment the music began until the band took a bow at the end.  I wore cargo pants with a leg pocket for my phone, which was perfect.  I didn’t lose anything while mesmerized by the performance.  Yay.

happy doof

After a few songs, I realized I was standing there on tiptoes with my hands clutched in fists just below my chin, shoulders hunched, eyes open as wide as they go, and presumably a super goofy expression around my grin.  (Part of me is secretly hoping the band couldn’t see us well from beneath the lighting.)  I couldn’t help it.  (Even though I’ve seen photos of people doing this, and thought they looked like doofs.)  Heh.

I had a fantastic time.  I did see one other black person, but I think he worked there.  😂  (I didn’t look around at the audience once the band started playing.)  Mick Fleetwood’s drumming blew my mind.  His kit is gold with penguins on the kick drum.  After stunning us with his skills, he got up and casually tossed his sticks while exiting the stage.  (So cool.)  He did all the faces, too.  I love him.  😆

The magical vibe that only Fleetwood Mac can create remains wrapped around me like a hug.  Watching Stevie Nicks in her element with my own eyes was a bucket list moment.  She rocked.  I love her.  (I’m making that face again.)  Christine McVie came out from behind the keyboards to sing beside Stevie Nicks, too.  (I may have involuntarily squeed.)  I loved seeing Sharon Celani and Lori Nicks singing backup, as well.  The band sounded fabulous.  The percussion and bass were felt as well as heard, (which is how it should be.)

The new lineup is tight and smooth together.  I think they’re even better now.  (Yep.  I said it.)  The tribute to Tom Petty was brilliant.  I’m off to continue being a happy doof while I practice drumming.  ✌🏾💜

p.s. Here’s the photo I took (just before I forgot my phone could do that.)

Fleetwood Mac concert Sioux Falls

“They’re low flow, you know.”

beautiful couple

It recently occurred to me I can watch TV, now.  (And I don’t just mean repeatedly watching Seinfeld, The Boondocks, and other animated series with 15ish-minute episodes.)  Netflix is fantastically rocking my world.  Part of me wants to travel to their headquarters, stand in front of the content selection team, and dance my happy song on the violin before them until I burst into tears of gratitude.  🥰😍😮🤔🤭🤫

Oofda.  I might understand why oversharing is a thing, now, too.  🙃  What I mean is I don’t care about the recent price increase for Netflix.  Worth it.  Period.  I finished experiencing Black Mirror (until they create more.)  I’ll undoubtedly rewatch it.  Sense8 is easily my favorite show of all time.  It reaches me on a level beyond even novels.  It’s astonishing when you consider books are my most natural means of connecting with the world outside my head.

Person dressed as a bunny watching the waves

I think watching in 4k is a significant factor, as well.  It seems we’ve finally progressed to where filming and lighting are accurate enough to captivate.  Skin looks like skin, now.  People of color finally look as radiant as they do in real life.  Light-toned people no longer appear sickly in natural lighting.  I didn’t even know the flaw was distracting until it went away.  It’s eliminated a subconscious uncanny valley.  Yay.

The imperfections in human appearances are significant in adding interest, dimension, and believability.  Humans don’t look perfect;  it’s what makes us beautiful.  Julia Roberts seems to get it.  She remains gorgeous because she’s not fighting nature, she’s embracing it.  (I know she’s not the only one, but she’s who caught my attention in this respect.)  Aging doesn’t diminish beauty.  It merely transforms it.  For a long time, Hollywood has attempted to hide this transformation from us.  But with 4k, it’s futile.  Heh.

I’m thrilled because I’m looking forward to films with actors whose careers flourish at the point where they master their skills, not end.  Where irrelevant formulas no longer drive the industry.  Where entertainment no longer centers on momentary titillation laced with gratuitous violence.  Not a viable vision to emulate, that.  There’s far too much junk food in our collective entertainment diet.  We deserve more, and Netflix is banking on it.

vivid color

Hollywood still thinks reality shows are the solution, but they don’t seem to grok the point.  Reality shows are a band-aid.  We’re not rejecting fantasy and imaginings.  We’re rejecting formulary lies.  Monetary gain as the single goal is anathema to creativity.  It’s a Banksy shredder, yo.  I’m pleased there is a corporation with the cerebral fortitude to play Go while the rest are still playing Chess.  I feel like I’m watching the butterfly-wing-flap that stirs a tsunami in the future of entertainment.  (See why I couldn’t help but overshare?)  😆😂✌🏾💜

 

“They said I put too much chlorine in the pool.”

bloom

Time has been flying by of late.  The results of rebuilding myself with small changes are continuing to reveal astonishing outcomes.  This butterfly effect is fascinating, and I’m surprisingly fearless in its midst.  Letting go of my need to feel in control whenever possible is likely involved.  I didn’t anticipate this skill as part of growing, but I’m delighted by it.  (Bonus!) 🙃

I believe it involves a level of trust in myself to be able to cope with whatever comes my way.  Experience and reflection are far more valuable than I ever imagined.  I spent time lamenting the challenges, unfairness, trauma, and despair I’ve endured without recognizing the gifts that grew from the devastated ground.  I failed to focus on how painful periods of fire-and-fallow eventually lead to regeneration.

This newfound understanding is a powerful anti-stress tool.  My transformation from extremely high-strung to calm and tranquil is incredible.  It feels as if I stumbled on it accidentally, then noticed in hindsight.  My world moves more slowly now.  I’m no longer stuck on a permanent three-second delay.  I’m not continually racing to catch up to the present, but instead, exist here.  It’s wonderful here.  I can look around and breathe.

solitude

Initially, I credited this phenomenon as part of aging.  But after more consideration, I’ve concluded it’s about growth.  I recall being upset when I realized growth and aging don’t necessarily correlate.  Based on my observations, they’re not even related.  I’m perpetually attracted to those whose energy reflect tranquillity.  (It’s likely because I’m highly sensitive to that of others.)

I know my proclivity for solitude is born of rejecting the exhaustion that results from proximity to chaotic energy.  I used to view it as a weakness, but now I believe it’s nutrition for my soul.  I’m confident it’s afforded me the ability to grow.  I notice this feature in the lives of those who capture my interest and attention, as well.  It also clarifies the diversity of individuals to which I’m attracted.  I even appreciate the thought required to connect the dots.  🙃

For the first time in my life, I’m thankful I was interracially adopted, and raised in racial isolation.  I can finally see the ways it’s had a positive effect on who I’ve become, rather than merely regret the overwhelming sorrow and pain it also entailed.  While I’m still amazed I survived to adulthood, I acknowledge the fire-and-fallow created many opportunities to regenerate and grow into who I’ve become.  Today, I love the beautiful garden that evolved as a consequence.

“Why shouldn’t we be able to do that once in a while if we want to?”

tea break

I’m having a good week.  There was a near-meltdown moment that initially devastated, but quickly developed into reaffirming communication and connection with people significant to me.  After taking some time to process the experience, I recognized positive aspects worthy of celebration.  I went from lamenting the challenges of being autistic in a neurotypical world, to strategizing new ways of coping with them in the future, in mere hours.

The speed and clarity of resolve astonished me.  I realize I’ve leveled up in the game of life.  I’ve been floating on a cloud of joy ever since.  The process of rebuilding and learning myself still feels new and intriguing.  I almost fell into a pit of sorrow over letting go of things I once held so close.  Examining the root of these values, and acknowledging the fact they were never mine, but only acquired by rote, helped me bypass the trap.  Yay.  🙃

The changes I’ve made are small, but the results immense.  I drink herbal teas, now.  In the past, I rejected all hot beverages, without bothering to determine why.  Now I know it’s because they require me to be present in my body while partaking to avoid injury.  (It’s funny to me in hindsight.) Asking myself why turned out to be an excellent method of understanding myself in many ways.  Naturally, it led to delving deeper with more questions.

unreality

Instead of feeling regret about being different, and trying to force me to change and pretend to be like others in pursuit of acceptance by strangers, I’m using my energy to know myself.  I’m no longer accepting the values and beliefs of others as my own.  If they don’t originate within my soul, they aren’t mine.  Pretending they were was slowly erasing the essence of me.  I have no use for acceptance based on unreality.

I’d rather be alone in the dark. – Sheryl Crow

I began watching another series on Netflix titled, Black Mirror.  It’s not a show I can binge watch, (she said while giggling.)  The first episode is excruciating.  It’s also brilliant.  It’s a 44-minute test to determine if you’re eligible to continue watching.  It’s a mental tattoo.  I’m pleased it exists as I love things that lead to new paths of thought and discussion.  It also provokes me to question and learn myself.

It’s dark and foggy this week, and I struggle to sleep when it’s so humid.  Last night, I lay in bed listening to Amy Lee (Evanescence.)  I thought about how her music has accompanied my life through many hardships and growing pains.  I think I finally grok why certain musicians reach me so profoundly.  It’s about energy.  My knowledge and vocabulary are presently limited on this topic, as I’m relying solely on intuition.  I plan to explore it further, though.

I used to get so offended when people would question my choices in music (often based on things as superficial as race.)  I think it’s because I didn’t know why some appeal to me far more than others.  I’m thrilled to understand.  Amy Lee, Stevie Nicks, ABBA, Lorde, Sheryl Crow, Bach, Mozart, etc.  These musicians create music I can climb inside and bask in energy that soothes my soul.  That’s why.  🙃😂  I’m off to band practice.  💜✌🏽

“Bozo the Clown. That’s who Bozo is.”

 

It’s dreary and raining, today.  Thank goodness for the Gettin’ Grown podcast with Jade and Keia.  While I listened, I played around with my first stop-motion video.  The sound is courtesy of a protest in NYC.  It was fun and surprisingly easy to create.  (The mini-figure of 45 is from minifigures.com.)  I recently finished reading a memoir titled, Educated, by Tara Whelan.  It’s about a woman who grew up in Idaho.

It details events she endured as a child of a mentally ill prepper.  It’s disturbing, engrossing, and brilliantly relayed.  I learned a lot about a lifestyle utterly foreign to me.  It’s rich with insight into human behavior and fear.  It gave me a glimpse into 45’s support base, as well.  I’m less baffled by their betrayal after reading it.  They don’t know 45 looks down on them like trash, yet.  Sad!

Spoiler alert. 

I survived the horrifically graphic episode of Game of Thrones, titled, The Mountain and the Viper.  Barely.  I had to fight off an urge to hurl, and I shook for a while afterward.  I witnessed my best friends corpse after her husband bashed her head in with a hammer when I was in my late teens.  It’s weird how the TV show evoked such a powerful reaction when the real event only caused me to withdraw emotionally while still managing to protect her little sister and infant son from seeing it.

There be giants

The Watchers on the Wall, at the end of season 4, was spectacular.  I’m going to watch it again on a bigger screen.  Probably several times.  I hope HBO won every possible award for it.  Blockbuster movie level CGI on a TV show blows my mind.  I also have to admit, watching Prince Oberyn fight was thrilling.  At least the parts before he lost his mind figuratively and literally.  (He died of arrogance and rage.)

The Children of the Forest looked just as I imagined while reading.  The three-eyed crow was visually disappointing, though.  I expected him to be more tree-like and less wizard-like.  I laughed when they zoomed in on mini Gandalf the Grey.  But the tiny woman throwing fireballs at the living dead popping out of the ground was fabulous, so I can’t complain.  I probably jumped a few feet when one grabbed Jojen Reed by the ankle.  He was a favorite, so I’m sad he’s gone.

Peter Dinklage

Watching the Hound get his ass kicked by Brienne of Tarth was satisfying.  She’s awesome.  I like Podrick Payne, too.  And Arya, of course.  She’s my favorite main character.  I’m so curious about what comes next.  I haven’t watched seasons 5-7 yet, and much of the content varies from the novels.  I’m gradually combining the storylines as I go.  The only spoilers I’ve encountered betrayed the fact all the Lannister kids survive to begin season 8.  (Yay, Tyrion.)  I have a crush on Peter Dinklage (assuming he shares Tyrion’s wit.)  🤫  I’m off to watch another episode.