I know what’s wrong with me. I don’t think right. I have an irreconcilable difference in processing. It seems like a small glitch, but the consequences are unbearable. I don’t believe in hurting back. I doubt I’m the only one with this flaw, but I’m sure it’s not a question others would answer. (I could write a book on things not to ask.) I’ve tried several times to understand people who murderously lash out at others after being hurt by them. I avoid the news, but stories of killers who take out ever-increasing numbers of humans in rampages often seep in any way.
I reach the same conclusion each time. These killers are hurting back as hard as they can. It’s illogical, sloppy futility, but it’s far from unusual based on my observations of people. The only difference seems to be the use of extreme violence. Most hurt back in far more subtle ways. They opt for a sneakier, socially acceptable manner: Psychological warfare.
The results don’t vary (from my perspective.) The hurt people continue hurting because harming others doesn’t heal their hurt; it only increases that of their target. Some may convince themselves they feel better after seeking revenge, but I don’t buy it. Self-deception is a sad religion. I’m an unbeliever. Worse, lashing out at others for hurting me increases my pain. It’s something I learned as a young child.
I’ve lived decades beyond that lesson, so this vindictive thought process is practically imperceptible now. But I’m occasionally aware of the petty vengeance going on around me. It sometimes amuses me due to its creativity, but I usually ignore it. I observed quite a bit when I used Twitter. It fascinated me for a brief time. The passive aggressiveness was stunning. I quickly recognized the depth of my unsophistication. It amplified my sense of alienation from humanity. I don’t think this way, and it makes me incompatible.
I feel almost like a perpetually deserving victim. I won’t hit back, which seems to be sufficient justification for being punched in the first place on this planet. E.T. phone home, please.