I’m on the fence about continuing to blog with WordPress. I’m not happy with the changes they’ve made to their service. The overall vibe is greed. Gross. (I reserve my loyalty for corporations that are playing the long game. Thanks, Jeff Bezos, aka Ironman IRL.) I
messed up flexed one of my features, and now my ability to focus is AWOL. Whoops.
I started brainstorming a new project with a small group and got too excited. It’s been two days, and if anything, it’s increasing. Sigh. I forgot where I left my focus controller. Welp. I bet I sleep well tonight, at least. I’m burning through energy like it’s an open bag of Hi-Chews. (My need to maintain effective spoon conservation is crying in the corner.)
On top of that, I sat wrong again. Now my left foot won’t obey commands. It’s hella numb halfway up my shin, and I keep getting a charlie horse in my arch. Good times. It’s gradually self-correcting, but the slowness is astonishing. M brought me some compression socks (and said some medical stuff that floated by.) I remembered to thank him in real time. Yay.
All of this is related in that it’s happening while I’m present in my body, which is a new skill. Alison 3.0 would have fled inward at the slightest hint of body betrayal. (Blushing, because I just glimpsed my own awesome.) Leveling up is laden with new growth opportunities. I understand now. The universe had to teach me how to recognize them before they started showing up all over the place. (I used to mistake them for overwhelming obstacles.)
The good part of being unfocused is I think differently. It often results in new insights. My whiteboards are covered in notes whenever this happens. (My foot is still janky. My hi-hat foot!) I’m multitasking with healing now, too. Multitasking used to set off meltdown alarms. Well look at that; Anxiety is my bitch, now. Hah! I’m going to celebrate hard because I know this means the next step is reclaiming all the shit I’ve been avoiding over it, and it’s a lot, (she said while internally reciting fear is the mind killer.)
I compared notes with some of my autistic besties (my new favorite game,) and discovered we sleep with arms in the praying mantis position. It wreaks havoc on our arms and shoulders when we awaken numb. Those with EDS pay far more for the habit. (I don’t have EDS, which is likely why I think this common thing we have is fascinating.) I’d better go and drag my foot around until it wakes up and stops playing too much. 💜✌🏽