I’m beside myself. Therefore, I’m writing to myself.
I can’t believe you did that shit! Are you kidding me?! Who are you? You can’t be the same me that spent an embarrassing amount of time last night thinking of a way around this challenging situation. Nope. I was there. You sincerely thought about taking a stab at time travel around wee-dark-thirty, don’t you know. Did. That. Shit. Way to go!
I’m proud of me for overcoming my fears and interacting with a (former) stranger in my home. I’m in the middle of a project (building a laser midi violin for a client with rheumatoid arthritis.) I needed to work with him to tailor it to his limited range of motion. The last time I let a stranger in my home was when I had a connection issue with my ISP.
Everything went as expected, the person was polite and fixed the issue. Despite that, it took a while to recover afterward (stop shaking.) I despise reacting without my explicit consent, especially when it defies logic. I want the ability to rationalize with my body, please and thank-you. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I needed my equipment, so doing it here was mandatory.
It took a while and most of my energy, but I got the information I needed to move forward with the project. Yay. After what felt like a minute of sleep last night, I awoke with no alternate plans (or time machines), and a 6 AM start time. So I told myself to be like Beyoncè. I have no idea, but somehow strongly suspect she wouldn’t have wasted precious sleep time dashing between a PC and whiteboard, though. (She’d get the expensive, connected version, eh?) 😂
I’m floating on this victory. I forgot how focusing on being professional drains away some of the energy typically wasted on being anxious. I can only do so many things at once, so I love it when one of the things I’d rather not do gets kicked to the curb. Take that, Anxiety, you ruthless bitch. I’m pretty sure I used up too many resources to make it much further today. Sitting upright is sapping away what little I have left, so I’m going to lay down and watch We Bare Bears and hope for a second wind.