“I’m exhausted. I’ve been on this street a thousand times. It’s never looked so strange.”

I’m so tired.  I’ve been acting as if I have infinite energy, (again.)  My body usually plays along with this delusion until I crash.  Good times.  At least I can hold my head up without too much effort.  I’m overwhelmed, but it’s a result of too much awesome in a short period of time.  I’ve been trying to piece together what happened, and devise a plan to calm down.  It started when Oathbringer, by Brandon Sanderson was released.  (Authorized Oathbringer artwork by Michael Whelan.)

I knew the overexcitement would level me if I didn’t pace myself.  Nevertheless, I didn’t.  I couldn’t read for comprehension because my mind was breakdancing.  Then I got a notice from one of those design-your-own-stuff websites.  It informed me the item I created infringed on Brandon Sanderson’s property, and therefore, was no longer available.  Oops.  I barely remember making it.  Someone bought it, and I owe Brandon Sanderson thirty-three cents. (I think it was a mousepad or something.)

It was kind of like seeing Obi Wan’s illuminated ghost in the sky, reminding me to use The Force.  So I set the novel aside to regain my focus.  It’s difficult to explain how significant the story is to me.  It’s helping me exist happily in my two worlds.  There have been a few times in my life where I’ve been broken to the degree I knew I could let go of one (or both) of my worlds.  (I sometimes wonder if I made the right choice.)

Autism feels like being stuck in extremes, and longing for middle ground, to me.  I suspect it’s why I find myself drawn to those with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.  I’m probably not complicated to anyone, but especially not to them, it seems.  I wonder if it played a factor in my attraction to my ex-husband, (he’s schizophrenic, but wasn’t diagnosed when we married.)  Being engaged makes me think about him lots lately.  More good times.

I read Artemis, by Andy Weir.  I loved it even more than The Martian.  It’s often hilarious.  Andy Weir is fabulous.  I still wasn’t settled enough to read Oathbringer.  So I returned to witches and vampires.  I’m reading the second in a series by Deborah Harkness, titled Shadow of Night.  I’m able to focus and am enjoying the series immensely.  I love reading about these creatures, and the fascinatingly different ways people write of them.

Fortunately, I’ll be ready to devour Oathbringer when I get home.  I’m enjoying our time in Denver, despite crashing today.  I’m going to watch more footage of Stevie Nicks on her latest tour next.  The one I saw earlier began my journey back to calmness.  She told the audience to go after our dreams, after pointing out how long she worked to make hers a reality.  She gave specific examples of things we should do, (which floored me.)  I know this sounds literally fantastic, but she told me to write the book.  So I’m going to do just that.  💜

4 thoughts on ““I’m exhausted. I’ve been on this street a thousand times. It’s never looked so strange.”

  • Oathbringer is on my bookshelf, but it might be awhile before I feel up to tackling it. I thought about bringing it on my Christmas travels, but just thought it too big and heavy to justify hauling knowing my brain hasn’t been focused enough for such a meaty tom. I have a series by Seaman McGuire on ebook instead. Urban fantasy of the faerie, not vampire, variety.

  • Awesome! I haven’t read Seaman McGuire yet. Or anything about fairies recently. I’ll have to check them out after I devour Oathbringer. Glad we share an interest in fantasy novels. 💜

  • I haven’t seen Atypical but will add it to my queue. Autism varies significantly between each person and is still being defined by the medical establishment. It’s frustrating because the research data is from white male children, exclusively. Most people assume autism means a little white boy who doesn’t speak. Either obsessed with trains, or much like Rainman.

    In reality, no group is exempt. POC are less likely to receive a diagnosis of autism because medical research and treatment are as racially biased as everything else on earth. Autism research is funded mainly by faux charities like Autism Speaks. Their goal is to eliminate autism before birth through eugenics.

    They prey on parents of autistic children and have obtained cult-like status in that milieu. As an autistic adult, I’m invisible to such organizations because it’s too late to abort me, and I won’t give them money or support in their Nazi-like approach to humans. I want autistic babies of the future to be born into a world that accepts them as human beings with unalienable rights. Not aborted before their first breath, as is Autism Speaks’ ultimate mission.

    It’s incredibly upsetting to us autistic adults who see through the lies and money grabbing at our expense. Please never support Autism Speaks or any other organizations that train parents to be victims of their child’s disability. Too many AS cult members have murdered their autistic child, and AS is sympathetic to their evil act. AS rakes in millions of dollars from parents who prefer being victims to helping their child survive and thrive.

    Sorry for so many words, but it’s crucial others are aware. The only experts on autism are autistic. Surviving is our training grounds. As adults, we’re self-advocating for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for all autistics. We speak for ourselves. I’ll let you know when I’ve had a chance to watch the show. Personally, I’m pleased there’s a show about autism, and don’t expect their portrayal to match my journey, but I’m sure there will be traits with which I can relate. Peace. 💜

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