“You know how you’re always bragging how you can spot a lesbian?”

Dear geniuses, you’ll probably be as glad as me when M. gets back, and I resume info dumping on him.  Heh.  Since that hasn’t happened yet, here I go again.  I just got back from the convenience store near where I live.  While I was checking out, a beautiful woman stepped up and whispered in my ear.  She said, “You’re incredibly sexy.”  😳😳😳😲🤔😍🤔😍☺️🙃

While this transpired, I froze, (then panicked briefly because I sincerely thought I might not ever be able to move again.)  I turned and looked at the cashier, and it broke the trance.  I collected my stuff and left.  On the outside, I’m confident I acted reasonably cool about it.  On the inside, I started all over again, asking myself if I’m a lesbian and just not as self-aware as I thought?

The good news, dear sisters,  is by your 40’s, this exercise is mostly amusing, and works itself out fairly quickly.  Nah, I’m not a lesbian, I just love beautiful women and am so flattered by this exchange, I’ll be cocky for weeks.  Contrary to my imagination, being attractive to someone doesn’t mean anything more than a compliment.  (Failure to recognize this hurts and can lead to confusion.)

I’ve thought about this a great deal over the years.  I think it can be difficult for women to feel sure they’re not sexually attracted to women at some point in their life, often more than once.  This is because women are expected to be nurturers in our society.  Whether it fits or not.  The training begins early, and it’s often subtle.  I doubt it’s possible to avoid without living in isolation.

As nurturers, we’re allowed to show affection to others without being shamed.  As we age, those of us who find nurturing fits, continue being affectionate to all we care about.  If I hold hands with a woman, it’s not because we’re lovers.  We relate in other ways.  Mother and daughter.  Sisters, and friends, to someone with whom I’m communicating earnestly.  All acceptable reasons for women to show affection to another woman, (in our society.)

Enter the girl crush.  The girl crush has nothing to do with sexuality.  It’s pretty much the same as any crush, otherwise.  Men have man crushes, and the same rules apply.  It’s when you meet someone who you like so much, you’re excited.  You can’t stop talking about them and thinking about them.  You’re just so happy the person exists, and want to tell all who matter to you what a delight this person is to you.  It feels fantastic to have a crush.

Some men are so adorable when they have a man crush.  It’s fun to see people being happy.  Shrug.  So on the off chance, you’re ever confused by continually developing crushes on people who don’t fit your sexual preference, or you don’t want to be intimate with, don’t worry.  You’re normal.  In fact, it’s probably an indication you’re a loving person in general, which means you’re doing it right.

Oh crap!  I forgot to tell her thank-you!  I didn’t say anything!  Dammit, I hate being rude by accident.  I mean ever.  🙃

3 thoughts on ““You know how you’re always bragging how you can spot a lesbian?”

  • Omg please don’t take things as creepy but if I were a lesbian and so were you… I do think you’re incredibly sexy (in a very harmless sort of way) 💗. I can see why that lady said that 💜. (Would that be incestuous if I consider you my Wiser Sister but I find you harmlessly sexy?). Oh god I probably just wayyyy overshared 💞

  • 😂🤣😂 Too adorable to ever be creepy! I’m laughing so hard, not at you, but while reassuring you-you’re not creepy or weird or incestuous. You’re beautiful. Oversharing is a neurotypical concern IMO, but other autists may disagree. (I rushed to respond immediately after reading this because I don’t want you to waste time feeling self-conscious.) Thank you! I think you’re sexy too, but I was planning on keeping that to myself. However, this is all the encouragement I need to blab. Heh. You’re one of my safe people to love freely, and not obsess over misunderstood signals. Younger sister is what my heart says, so that’s how I hold in my mind. I’m not done responding but am posting because I hate suspense.

  • *hold you in my mind.

    I trust you to tell me if I ever do or say something that hurts you. It’s awesome because it means I can love you without the ulcer (exaggerating, but not by much.) Mwah! Love you!

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