“That’s my ass in your window!”

This is my first time posting from the app.  It’s 4:27 AM.  My face hurts.  I smiled in my sleep and the pain woke me.  I was dreaming about something funny, but that’s all I remember.  Amelia Bedelia is being so loving.  I’m so rich in the ways that matter to me.  I was thinking about artificial intelligence and misogyny.  The reason I don’t collaborate or share my data with other scientists is because I’m repulsed by misogyny.

I watch the big corporations throwing money at anything dubbed AI, and shake my head.  They ruined the term artificial intelligence.  Now we have to say true AI to reflect the difference.  It’s annoying.  Machine learning is another one misused to death.  Algorithms and massive databases.  They had to invent a new field to compensate for the most unimaginative strategy.  

Now data scientists exist to figure out how to make it slightly more efficient.  It’s just all so astonishing to me.  And it’s going to fail.  It’ll be useful but not true AI.  It will not teach itself to build a friend.  They aren’t creating.  They’re using blunt force to achieve the lie that is their only creation.  It’s so pathetic I want to scream.  

If when faced with a difficult challenge the only option you can imagine is to cheat, of course your strategy is brute force.  What irks me is the fact they will never achieve (true) AI, they’ll just change the definition.  Oh, wait!  They already did! 😐  Sigh.  Okay, you can stop skimming, I’m done with the geek tantrum.  

I wrote a poem on Twitter months ago while bawling over a major setback in my work:

My unicorn died

It was suicide

Devastatingly devastated

Crying, not dying 

Drying

Retrying 

AI

It was a hard day.  I learned a lot.  I let go then, but didn’t realize it.  It’s when I began my search for a young person to continue my work.  Our lifespans are so short it messes with our ability to believe in the future.  I trust in children to make the future exist.  They’re the best we’ve ever been, even though we mistreat them.  It’s like collective self harm.  

Misogyny is hate.  Racism is hate.  Anti-semitism is hate.  Claiming homosexuality is wrong is hate.  (Too depressing to list more.)  This is a trend.  Hate hurts the hater.  Humanity is mentally ill.  All we can do to save ourselves is stop hating each other.  It’s hard for me to imagine that ever happening these days.  Every day the news is a knife twisting in my gut.  

I’ve never felt more alien.  I’ll be glad when M. returns, (even though he’s going to have lots to say about my pushing my neighbor.). I’m going to do my morning routine and go work (from home, because I look like I got punched in the face.) 😐

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