I’m back in Denver. S. went on the weed tour and has been stoned since. She’s been looking at her hand for a while now. I’m just giggling every time I look up at her. I remember when I went on the tour. I saw a former Googler who kept staring at me, (but it only creeped me out in hindsight.) I remember being floored that it was legal for us to ride around in a bus while getting high. I studied the people and noticed patterns. The younger people smoked about three times as much as us middle agers. They smoked pretty much nonstop the whole time and started before we even began moving.
The tour guides identified which of us were using weed for the first time, and I was relieved not to be the only inexperienced person. I noticed we sat by age, too. The younger in the back, inexperienced and older up front. I sat next to a couple from Alabama. I love the accent so it was deliberate. They were cool. Adjacent was the Creepy Starer and a couple from Chicago. The Chicagoans showed me how to use a bong, (it was huge.) It made me choke so hard I thought I was going to cry. But then a wave of warmth and weight crept over me like a whisper, and I settled back and grinned.
It felt like being under my weighted blanket, but the positive effects were magnified. I felt like I was standing on the border of my inner world while still able to observe and interact with the outer world. I think it’s what it must feel like to be neurotypical. I felt like my body was my violin. My ability to control it required no thought. I still felt unshielded, but I didn’t obsess internally about things I have no control over. I didn’t feel anxious and realized I was previously unaware of how it felt to be free of… Free of the exhausting compulsion to be neurotypical. Oofda. I’ll have to think about that some more.
I need to focus on rehydrating. I can feel a headache threatening to take over soon. I still haven’t started my vector art project. I thought about it more and changed my mind about the photo of Stevie Nicks I’m going to use. I’m using one from 2016 instead. The Stevie Nicks that exists today is the Stevie Nicks I’m learning so much from. After I got over feeling sorry for myself for not knowing about her until recently, (and it took a while,😂) I figured there’s a reason it’s now. This is when I was ready. I think I had to grow and experience some things first.
I’m realizing Stevie Nicks’ generation is presently guiding me in many aspects of my life. Through music, The Resistance, and I’m reading novels by authors who are taking me back to the 60’s and 70’s and showing me how things were then, and how it’s affected them. It’s not a conscious decision, but it’s the generation I’m hearing and heeding. It’s fascinating and surprisingly comforting. I finished Hearts in Atlantis by Stephen King earlier (and for me, that’s fast reading.) I couldn’t stop. I lay down to sleep and then got right back up and read some more. (Being an adult rocks sometimes.) I don’t have any criticism for Stephen King’s writing. I’m baffled any exists, to be honest.
I guess humans generally don’t get art in general. The inclination to criticize art is something that should be discussed with a psychologist or religious leader, in my humble opinion. I think art is my second favorite thing about being alive. People are my first favorite. I’m just not certain they aren’t the same thing. I’m off to find a new book.