I finally slept for more than a few hours in a row. Oddly, I feel tired. I think I’m hungover from too much sleep. It’ll pass. In the meantime, I’ll just be functioning in slow motion. I think more when in this mode. I’ve been pondering the obvious wrongness going on in our government. I struggle to grasp the depravity of some elected officials meant to serve the people. It lacks any logic. I have a hard time processing illogical concepts. My mind rebels.
I’m literal by default. I always process the literal interpretation first, then run through a few alternatives. When I’m overtired, stressed, or anxious, I tend to skip the latter and run with the literal. It results in my looking foolish about 72% of the time. The other 28% leaves me feeling awesome, so it feels fair enough. I’m better at recovering from looking foolish, now. It rarely involves tears these days. I’ve developed a relatively efficient means of communicating in real time with others by trial and error. It no longer feels like we’re speaking different languages at each other with no comprehension or interest in the other’s words. Surprisingly, the most efficient way of conquering this issue was improving my listening skills, not my language skills.
My inability to control my adrenaline is a major factor. It’s been the bain of my social existence. For most of my life, having a conversation with someone has been barely worth the effort it takes to pull it off. Connecting with someone is a nice prize, though. I love people, they fascinate me. There’s just so much to a person it boggles my mind. So I keep trying. I learned that conversations have a rhythm. They’re more music than mathematics. Conversations are dynamic and unpredictable. No magical formula fits all situations. Each conversation is unique and dependent on the participants.
Basically, it’s rocket science. I’m not sure if I was pleased or disappointed to realize most people don’t have deep conversations on a regular basis. Most people communicate pragmatically. While it makes participation easier for me, it deflates my expectations gained from reading novels. I’ve matured to the point where I don’t interrogate the people I meet to extract as much information about them as possible up front. There were many things wrong with my technique. But most importantly, it was because people didn’t know the answers to my questions. They didn’t think about the things I wanted to know about them. At best, they would tell me what they wanted me to think.
I learned there are many ways of processing the same information. That’s remained a frustration. It makes the word intuitive useless. It explains why something I find hilarious might be offensive to someone else. It’s unfortunate we don’t all prefer the funny interpretation by default. I’d rather live in that world. The laugh-a-lot world. Well, I kinda do. In my mind, I try to see the funny side of everything, but I’ve learned to keep it to myself. I chose the disciplined path at the beginning of my adulthood on purpose. I’m sure I’ve mentioned I was an arrogant smart-ass when I arrived at basic training. The Army cured me. Military discipline consists of forcing you to get over yourself through heavy labor, repetitive, nonsensical tasks, and humiliation until you see the error in your ways. It’s as painful as it is effective. The Army is twisted like that.
While I’m glad to have served, I don’t encourage others to do the same anymore. The military is being built up for no reason while what America really needs is good, affordable healthcare. Cancer, AIDS, heart disease, diabetes, addiction, obesity, etc. These are the enemies of the American people. The lie that we’re in danger from radical Islamic terrorists is played out. It’s bullshit. Their threat is minuscule in comparison to the health problems killing off our people on a daily basis. Our domestic terrorism problem is more severe and requires addressing, not pretending it isn’t happening. The Muslim ban is an agenda by greedy contractors who want to earn billions from building up a military that already surpasses that of any other nation by a huge margin. The entire war on terrorism is a front for lucrative government contracts to build up a military that wastes it’s excesses and is corrupt at it’s highest levels.
There are other paths. Not everyone is an arrogant smart-ass at 17. I had much of the benefit of ‘White Privilege’ growing up, merely by being raised by Caucasian parents. I went to the same private schools, played on the same teams, and participated in the same Girl Scout troop. I had the president of a major national bank as a mentor in Junior Achievement, too. And more. I’m in a unique position, but it’s one of sadness. I’m grateful for my childhood, and sad it was a privilege, and not available to all children. When I first heard the term, ‘White Privilege,’ I thought it was a racial slur. Then I learned it’s just another part of systematic racism in America. It’s not just a black or white issue, of course. There are Caucasians who didn’t get as much privilege from their white skin as others with the same white skin. It comes down to several factors, but primarily, if your family was poor, you probably got shafted. That’s fucked up for the human race.
I believe the children are our future. Okay, I promise I won’t upload a track of me singing like I think I’m Whitney. I do believe it, though. Our most important and valuable asset on earth is our children. They hold the hope of humanity. It’s obvious on a primal level. No child born on this planet should go without proper nutrition, education, medical care, shelter, and loving caretakers. Everything else we do on this planet is moot unless we do our best for the children. Survival of the species is the goal. Everything else depends on it. We need to lengthen our views and stop repeating the histories that continue to hold us back. It’s so simple it’s obscene. Stop taking more than your share. Make sure the children are well cared for first, then do what you need to do to enjoy your life without hurting things that are alive. That’s it. That’s all we have to do to succeed as a species.