If I like their race, how can that be racist?

It’s supposed to go down to -26°F tonight.  That’s actual temp.  Then it’s going to warm up next week.  We usually have a few nights like this every winter.  It’s what I call biting cold.  I had to walk to my car in -22°F last winter.  It was about 20 yards, and I was near tears by the time I got in my car.  I wasn’t appropriately dressed for the weather.  It’s a funny thing about city people in winter.  We have two modes:  Dressed For It, and Just Running to My Car.  I have everything necessary to endure a night in the Arctic, but most often I wear a light down jacket, knit hat, and I run whenever outside.  It’s not terribly windy right now, which helps.

I’m going on a ride-along with a neighbor who’s a sheriff tonight.  He’s funny, so it’ll be fun so long as we don’t find any frozen dead things.  I’m going because I really can’t take another news story about a teen who broke down and froze to death trying to walk home.  Or a homeless person, or a mother, etc.  This way I feel like I have a little bit of control.  Last year a woman froze to death within steps of the door to a shelter west river.  I go from happy-go-lucky to can I just die now whenever I’m reminded of the precariousness of life.  I’m starting to suspect this is an autism thing.  I’ve noticed autistic friends who share this trait.  We’re generally happier, but can also be thrown into despair by what neurotypicals tend to shrug off.

Maybe I’m only observing people who are surprisingly similar.  At least my autistic friends encompass a wide diversity of adult autistics.  I used to get angry when people compared autistic adults to children.  It felt like an insult meant to hurt.  After much thought, I think what they’re picking up on is how we interact with the world.  In reality, they should include all neurodiverse people and many neurotypicals who are probably borderline, making us the majority of humans, meaning we’re normal and the standard is weird.

Having come to that conclusion, I decided we’re all weird, and I like that.  We just need to be kinder to one another.  If I seem child-like, it’s because I’m living in two worlds simultaneously.  My inner world, and the outer world.  I prefer my inner world, I just can’t spend as much time there as I’d like.  My cat won’t allow it.  Adulting won’t allow for it.  So I stretch and strain and struggle to force my square peg into the round hole.  It’s exhausting.  It feels like sprinting uphill.  My boss at my new job caught me singing twice so far.  The first time, he looked at me like I just ate a bug, and asked if I was singing.  I looked up, nodded, and went back to work.  The second time, he started playing air drums.  How did I not have a crush on him in high school?

He’s married with children now, so I can’t see him that way, but he’s a fun guy, (fungi).  It turns out I do code unusually quickly.  I have to apologize to Sean now.  It’s going to be a text apology with lots of colorful emoticons.  I like my new job better.  I like being a peon.  It’s a great way to recover from being a leader.  I pretend I’m a Cyborg typing to the computer in it’s chosen song.  I love that game so much.  I hope they get over my singing while I code.

I haven’t breached the topic of bringing my trampoline to work.  I think I’m just going to stay on course, and Kramer it.  I’ll bring it on Monday, and set it next to my desk like it belongs there because it does.  When I feel frustrated or get interrupted, I like to speed jog on my portable mini-trampoline.  It’s so fun to just run as fast as you can while going nowhere until you can’t help but laugh.  It uses up all my pent up frustration in seconds and undoes some of the damage of sitting.  I can’t code or game on my treadmill desk.  I’m not coordinated enough.  I made my guild god lose her shit when trying to tank and walk.  I fell off the world again, and every toon died.

I need a treadmill that moves my toon the same way I move my body.  When they sell those to consumers, I’ll be all over it.  I rearranged my living room and bedroom.  At some point, I must have smacked my hand against something hard, because I have a huge bruise on the back of my hand.  It looks like I tested a foundation meant for Wesley Snipes.  I want to see a movie where it’s just Wesley Snipes and Samuel L. Jackson yelling at Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia for not being funny.  For ninety minutes in a military latrine (acoustics), while Matt Damon, Taye Diggs, and George Clooney sit in Eames lounges laughing uncontrollably.  Please, and thank you.

I want Judd Apatow to direct it, and Louis CK to write the script.  Also, I want Melissa McCarthy, Ellen, and Rosanne to interrupt whenever they feel like it.  That is all.  No.  I spoke too soon.  Anna Kendrick and Aubrey Plaza have to be in it too for my friend Collin.  Maybe they can live-tweet it on camera.  Yes.  And soundtrack entirely by Twenty-one Pilots doing whatever they want because I love them.

Then cut to Will Smith finally receiving his Oscar for best supporting actor in Six Degrees of Separation.  If you haven’t seen that movie, stop being mean to yourself and watch it.  The cast includes Stockard Channing and Donald Sutherland.  That’s right.  That’s all you need to know.

I can’t believe you gave him my pink shirt!  You’ll understand why that’s hilarious after you see the movie.  (It’s not even a spoiler.)  Speaking of which, I haven’t seen Rogue One yet.  It’s hard to type that without crying.  I’m just not where I need to be for a movie in the theater.  I hate that I can’t go see every sci-fi or action film the night it’s released.  I hate that PTSD and autism prevent me from seeing lots of films that interest me.  The cost is just too high.  It seems like the older I get, the lower my tolerance for overstimulation.  That seems illogical, which infuriates me.  I don’t know how to distance myself from what’s happening on the screen in real time.  I can’t figure out how to get my shields to activate.  It sucks.

I don’t know if I’m alone on this, or if it’s something many of us face.  If you struggle with it too, please acknowledge in comments.  Thanks.  I’m overtired.  I didn’t sleep last night, and when I tried to nap I couldn’t settle down.  It feels like I’m using sandpaper for contact lenses.  I’m going to take a bath, then curl up and watch The Flintstones on my Raspberry Pi 2 B that is a dedicated cartoons player.  I ripped all five seasons to a USB 3.0 SSD 64GB hard drive and installed Kodi on the card.  I want to add The Jetsons, King of the Hill, The Boondocks, and Aqua Teen Hunger Force in the near future.  I may need to get a bigger hard drive, because I just realized I want to add We Bare Bears, Steven Universe, Bob’s Burgers, Archer, Teen Titans and Hey Arnold.  I got a 10″ HD screen that has a case for the Raspberry Pi on the back.  The whole device cost under $190 at Amazon.  Cartoons make life better.

 

 

 

 

 

Autism Syntax Error The Struggle

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