He’s put his trust in you!

Today was surreal.  Probably because I haven’t slept recently.  I always catch myself being fascinated by random shiny things when I’m overtired.  It’s not exactly a problem, but it’s surprisingly time consuming.  I love the stock image above, because it matches a visual memory I had as a young child.  My brother, Gar, used to read to me.  The Dick and Jane series was a particular favorite.  See Jane run?  It’s a good memory, but I suppose you had to be there.  I’m bracing myself for some major life decisions.  That’s always fun.  The world changed overnight, so I’ll be adjusting my lifestyle accordingly.

I quit my job.  That sounds a lot riskier than it actually is.  My job was managing a small development firm in which all but one of our team is autistic.  We make apps, games, websites, etc.  It was a combination of deliberate action, and living in a small social circle.  I’ve enjoyed my time as, The One Who Takes Responsibility.  It wasn’t a new role for me, but I still learned a lot.  The new manager is a friend I’ve known my entire adult life.  He spent the summer living across the hall from me, after graduated.  In that short time, he mastered the logistics of adulting.  Meaning, he acquired the skills necessary to maintain his apartment, hold down a part time job, and keep himself alive.

He’s brilliant, and has helped someone else on the team do the same.  We went from barely paying the bills, to making a tidy profit in a short time, but that’s not terribly difficult when your product is intangible.  At least I find it ideal.  We benefit mainly from the skills we acquired as children, and have honed obsessively ever since.  Typical nerd evolution.  In my case, I had leadership training from the military, so the role fell on me by default.  I can’t begin to express how happy it makes me that someone I taught is now the leader.  Now, I’m an occasional advisor.  The timing is turning out to be a good thing.

I’m still in slow motion, since the election.  The Depression Monster put me in an illegal sleeper hold before the official results were even in.  It sucked.  I’m getting better at recovering from a meltdown.  By better, I mean I can do it faster, which is all that matters to me.  I’m terrible at analogies, thus I insist on practicing.  Right now, I feel like I’m being chased over a long distance, and I just figured out how to cut my breaks in half, allowing me to keep moving forward more quickly.  This is a good feeling, in case that wasn’t clear.  Not a great feeling.  Being chased is how anxiety feels to me.  My anxiety levels are hellacious.  I didn’t know I could endure having my anxiety this high, and for so long without relief.

Overall, despite everything, things are getting better.  I’ll be restoring this blog over the next few days.  When I made it private, the only thing I considered was my overwhelming disappointment, sadness, disbelief, and instability.  This was a mistake, and I’m thankful it was pointed out.  I make mistakes often.  It helps tremendously to recognize when this occurs.  The reason it’ll take so long is because I have to edit every post individually, and I’ll absolutely wander off several times before I finish.  Now you know what to expect in that regard.  I’ll also be continuing with the Seinfeld references, because it amuses me.  I’m beginning a new project that will hopefully evolve into a new job.  I’ve interviewed for a few in Denver, but haven’t found the right fit.  My refusal to sign a few contracts as written ended my last interview.  My mind is not for sale.  Ever.  I’m off to read The Wise Man’s Fear, by Patrick Rothfuss again.