Well he looks like a man. I know he belches a lot.

Today was rough.  I have a sinus infection that feels like a severe toothache anytime I lean my head forward, lay down, or continue having a head.  I got 2 hours of sleep, and they weren’t consecutive hours.  I had a challenge to meet today, as it was the first day I’ve physically gone to work in a while.  I pulled it off.  Having my schedule broken seems to have been the biggest obstacle.  We talked about this in therapy, and I began to berate myself internally for not recognizing this on my own.  Then I forgave myself, because there’s a direct relation between sleep deprivation and lowered ability to function.  Last nights attempt led to at least 25 minutes of staring at the wall for no apparent reason.

The sinus pain isn’t constant, thank goodness.  I’ve used a neti pot, warm compress, cold compress (big mistake), and steamy showers.  They all help some, but only for a short time.  Then it’s back to severe pain that comes and goes several times an hour.  I have a high pain threshold, so the pain level is surprising to me.  It’s not as bad as a kidney stone, but it’s up there.  It doesn’t evoke a string of curse words, like a kidney stone.  But I do feel legally obligated to inform everyone I encounter how unbelievably painful it is for a measly sinus infection.  When I woke up this morning, (after my nap), the pain surged when I stood up.  I immediately wondered if going to work would be a good idea.  Then I figured since it’s going to hurt regardless of my location, I may as well grab a victory while I suffer, and make it suck a little less.

Obviously, I realize going to the doctor would quickly resolve this issue.  However, I’m just not up for going to the VA.  I hate going there, and my reason feels insufficient sometimes.  I had to get a pressure dressing applied in the ER at one time.  The nurse who treated me was blatantly racist, and made absolutely certain she didn’t touch me.  She glared at me, but the doctor was nearby, so she didn’t say anything.  Her disgust made her efforts pointless, and I had to ask a different (non-racist) nurse apply a proper pressure dressing while I dripped blood on the floor.  That was the second incident involving a racist employee at my local VA.  Both work in the ER.

So I haven’t gone back.  If I’m dying, I’ll suck it up and go anyway.  Short of that, not likely.  I realize my reaction may seem extreme, but from my viewpoint, it’s wise.  I’ll be moving soon, and won’t have to put up with them ever after.  I’ve never heard of anyone dying from a sinus infection.  Putting up with the pain is better than sitting in the waiting room.  Sleep is overrated, and I just started reading “The Girl on the Train”.  So far, it’s held my interest, but I’m not enjoying it, yet.  There’s something wrong with the tempo, and I don’t like how the viewpoint bounces back and forth.  It would have been more engrossing to give one whole viewpoint, then the other, and let the reader gasp at the incongruity between them.  The way it’s written makes me feel dizzy, but it might just be that I was overtired at the time.  I’m off to read.

 

 

Autism The Struggle

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