Today was good enough. Certainly better than yesterday. I’m still feeling stuck in my apartment. The worst part, is that it’s not an uncomfortable feeling. It’s a too comfortable feeling. I know I could live out the rest of my life without leaving this apartment, and be perfectly content. I just know that if I did that, it would be a wrong choice. It would be wrong for me to refrain from living out loud, when I’m capable of living out loud. Anyone who is unable to live out loud would have every right to rage against me for wasting an ability I was fortunate enough to be born with. So I’ll work on it.
I told my therapist I’d physically go to work on Wednesday. That gives me more than enough time to eliminate every possible excuse. Once I pull it off, it’ll be all downhill from there, and one less thing. I need to offload as many as I can. The upcoming POTUS election is messing with my blood pressure. It’ll be over soon, but in the meantime, I need to remind myself that being a stroke survivor would not improve the fucking situation.
Which reminds me. The cussing. Yes. I cuss. A lot. “Like a sailor, not a lady,” (even though that’s sometimes the same person). Guilty. Why do I do it? Because I enjoy using cuss words as often as possible while still managing to resemble sense. But what about those of us who are offended by such words? I realize there are people who are offended by my swearing. I’m going to continue to swear. Often. If this is something that bothers you, I trust you’ll engage in self-care, and surf away. I don’t want to offend anyone. I don’t want to censor myself. So here we are. Good talk.
The reason I like cussing is because I still get that surge of excitement you got as a kid, when you deliberately misbehaved. As kids, it involved fear of the consequences of being caught swearing. As an adult, those consequences no longer exist, yet I still get that surge. It amuses me on many levels. The immature-and-proud-of-it part of me that only surfaces around close friends likes swear words. Especially the F word, mostly because it’s always been the most taboo. Also, because it can be an adjective, adverb, verb, noun, or proper noun, depending on how it’s utilized. The only other word I can think of that does all that so well is smurf. And that only works because everyone knows what you *really* mean.
Another reason I like to cuss, is because it makes holier than thou types flee immediately. Bonus. I just don’t really have anything to say to anyone who is offended by the word fuck. There are human beings who are sex slaves in my nation right now. That’s reality. Children are murdered in my country for having Autism. That’s reality. Fuck is just a word. Alone, it’s not a weapon aimed at anyone in particular. It’s an expression. Slang. Colorful language. It doesn’t hurt anyone. I not only refuse to object to swear words, I wholeheartedly embrace them into my vocabulary.
Yay for things that don’t hurt people! Down with murder, rape, hate, and violence! Yay for people who have figured out tolerance and moderation are necessary in life! Down with the greedy criminals who raped the financial sector! I wish I could get more people to agree. I hate that we reward the criminal who lies, steals, and cheats the most, by calling him CEO, and giving him an obscene profit share in our biggest corporations. It’s disgusting. It’s dishonorable. It’s not the American Dream. It’s the American Rape. When 1 man is paid an obscene amount, while children don’t have enough food to eat, it’s not the American fucking Dream. Tim Cook exists. His salary is obscene, ($4.3 million/year). There are people in America who worship Tim Cook, with the full knowledge of starving children all over the world. So don’t ask me not to say fuck.