Today flew by. I’m out of town visiting my sister again, so I’m way too disoriented to keep track of time properly. My anxiety is too high. I feel like I’m waiting for the starting pistol to fire, signaling me to run like I’m being chased. Knowing I’m being chased by my own fears is intensely frustrating. I want to meet those fears head on, but I haven’t even managed to identify them yet. I feel like I’ve lost my place in my own life story. It’s uncomfortable. I know it’s temporary. It just sucks right now, while I’m figuring out how to get through this unexpected detour. It’s hard to concentrate lately, especially on abstract concepts. I think whenever I take a hit to my ability to concentrate, I panic a little. It’s one of my superpowers, and I rely on it heavily.
I tend to be either scatter-brained, or hyper-focused, with very little time spent in the middle. I suspect my level of interest plays a large factor in this. I’ve been reading a lot. I re-read Lock In by John Scalzi last night. It’s another favorite. Reading is my favorite way of dealing with insomnia. I think I’m going to re-read something by John Irving next. Last Night in Twisted River will do. He’s in my top 5 of authors. I’m feeling the loss of Pat Conroy, so he’ll likely be up after that. I’m off to read.