The tomato never really took off as a hand fruit.

I made it to Denver.  My flight was delayed from taking off because of storms.  We got there an hour late, so it wasn’t too bad.  I sat next to an older gay couple on the plane.  They were cool, and we discussed the weather, and where we were headed.  I had the window seat as usual.  I started to get anxious after we sat on the plane for an hour, but I tweeted it and a friend responded right off.  It made all the difference.  I got picked up by my nephew, and we went to a dispensary on our way to his house.

It was the same one I usually use, Terrapin Station in Aurora.  They have good security, prices, waiting room, and bud tenders.  Of course I’m a loyal customer.  I noticed they increased the amount a tourist is allowed to purchase.  By a lot.  We can get a whole um… I’m not sure.  I do remember it was an eighth last time I visited.  Denver is so awesome.  I love it almost as much as Sioux Falls, and I grew up there.  It’s just a fun place to be.  My blood pressure went down as soon as we landed.

They have talking trains in the airport.  Plus, moving sidewalks, and more stores and restaurants than our mall.  The airport architecture is brilliant, too.  The floating sails keep it in perpetual motion on the wind, even though it’s just an illusion.  So perfect for an airport.  I got dropped off at my hotel a bit ago, and have spent the entire time calling the front desk because the wifi wasn’t working.  It took 11 rings for them to pick up at the front desk.  That was strike one.

I had to call 3 times.  The second time, 2 rings.  Huge improvement.  Reduced to .5 strike.  Then I saw a sign that alluded to the existence of an iron.  I looked around, but no iron.  Oops.  Not a strike, because I don’t need it.  The picture on the TV is not HD, although the TV is.  480P can never again be considered worthy of charging money.  720P is the minimum resolution for a hotel of this level.  Strike 1.5.

I love the decor.  The room is small, but the floor plan is so good it doesn’t matter.  The fridge was cold.  Yay.  The room was 72 degrees F.  Perfect.  Lots of outlets for my gadgets.  Check.  Cleanliness…  Houston, we have a white liquid stain on the wall, dangerously close to the desk chair.  Then I noticed the trash can directly below the stain.  Probably milk.  Barfarama averted.  Strike 2.

There are no instructions for things like, aloha desk means front desk on the phone.  No phone book or Gideon’s Bible.  “No problem there”, said the tree.  I found the iron and a full size ironing board inside the headboard, facing the wall.  I was looking for instructions.  It actually looks cool, and is a smart use of space.  Still doesn’t matter to me, as I would rather have instructions.  I don’t know when breakfast is served, and it’s not complimentary.  The elevators are almost hospital grade.  Nice.

Finally, I have to say it’s quieter than my usual hotel, Woolley’s Classic Suites, which had no more rooms when I booked this trip.  They have a beautiful, loud waterfall in the center, open to all levels.  Here, at Aloft, the fridge is not inside a wooden cabinet, so it’s louder than necessary.  Annoying, but I’ll live.  But the room smells like smoke, even though it’s a smoke free facility.  There’s a sign in the hall that says, “No butts about it.  Aloft is smoke free.”  I beg to differ.

That was strike three.  I won’t stay here again, or recommend it.  The worst thing is that I can see Woolley’s from my porch.  Kidding.  From my window.  It’s where I’d rather be.  Far less modern and hip, but Aloft blew it.  If I ran this hotel, there would be instructions written in a humorous way, letting guests know where everything is located, how to reach the front desk, when breakfast is served, and the like.  There would be 1080P resolution on well calibrated HDTVs.  Hip and modern can’t get away with old tech.  It’s an oxymoron.

When I complained about no wifi, he first offered to allow me to come down to the front desk to use it there because, “we have problems with it reaching the upper levels.”  I’m on the second floor.  Oh, really.  So it’s been a known issue long enough for you to rattle that off unbidden.  I see.  I didn’t say that, of course.  I thought of it later.  I tried to make my voice sound annoyed, but I don’t think I pulled it off, as evidenced by his response.  Then the wifi worked.  It’s an unsecured network.  Of course.

If I ran it, this would be rectified immediately.  They make us check a usage agreement to log in, and they time it, so I can’t delete that cookie without repeating this nightmare.  So yeah… More like Astonishingly Confusing, But Cool Looking.  Pathetic.  I hate it when a business has a great idea but don’t  make it a reality, and still have the audacity to run with the half assed, or committee approved version.  There’s no way the minds that created this building were in on the epic fails described above.  Creative people don’t settle for mediocre easily.  They know the cost to their soul is too high.

Fortunately, I’m leaving tomorrow.  My nose and eyes are burning, and I can feel a sinus headache coming on.  I’m off to read.