Today has been overwhelming. Not because of any particular incident that took place. It seems to be a cumulative effect. I also suspect my thyroid is involved. I have Grave’s Disease, but take medication for it. At times, my T hormone levels seem to bottom out, which equates to a day or two of feeling like I’ve been transported to a different dimension. One in which gravity exudes far more power. The amount of effort it takes just to move is almost more than I can manage. Intellectually, I know this has happened before, and therefore shall pass. But in the meantime, it sucks. I guess this is what it means to have no spoons.
I’m just sitting here, awestruck by all the people who live with physical limitations on a daily basis. I don’t know if I could survive that, considering what this brief unbalance is doing to my mental health. I’m a wus, but I’m incredibly fucking resilient. (So much so that I had to throw an F bomb in there). The Depression Monster can level me more easily than I’m comfortable with, but I always get back up. It feels pretty sadistic, though. Fighting it, suffering as a result, and recovering, just to fight it again. But if I don’t fight it, The Depression Monster can’t even be bothered to kill me. That cruel bastard will just try to convince me that I should kill myself. That’s so messed up.
I think I’m going to do a movie marathon, and try to lose myself in another world until this passes. I keep thinking about all the things I *need* to do. I should be doing this or that. The urge to hop up and be hyper is strong, but my body won’t cooperate. For now. Okay, I’m done whining. I’m going to go overdose on sci-fi. Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens, you’re up.