I was never sorry! It was cashmere!

I’m in Colorado visiting my nephews.  I seem to have escaped the worst of the heat dome.  I’m sitting in air conditioned comfort, but my thoughts and worries are with those who are forced by circumstance to endure this awful heat.  The middle east is setting heat records.  I hate global warming.  I hate knowing that so many are about to die from heat related injuries, and there’s nothing I can do about it.  I’m having a hard time coping with the knowledge of so much strife in the world.  I don’t know how so many can just go on with their day, and not feel like the world is on fire.  I don’t know how to harden myself to horrors.  Exposure has no impact.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I’m trying to be The Fun Aunt, but it’s hard right now.  I’ll probably have to submerge myself in World of Warcraft soon, in order to regain control over my focus.  They changed a lot of things with the pre-expansion update, so I had a lot of reading to do.  Blizzard knows their fan base, and are really good about informing us ahead of time before changing anything in the game.  They give us all the information necessary to prepare for these alterations, but many choose to ignore them, and then fall apart when they’re enforced.  My entire office had a meltdown over it yesterday.  We did our garrison chores simultaneously while on break at work.  Within 5 minutes, there were tears and swearing.  I felt like asking Calgon to take me away.

Instead, I probably had the worst reaction from a leadership viewpoint.  I asked them why they hadn’t read about the changes before they took place.  The worst part is that I realized the second the words left my mouth that my question was pretty much a suggestion that they all have a meltdown.  I felt my body start to follow suit, but slammed on the brakes immediately.  Because fuck having a meltdown at work.  I’m supposed to be setting the example to help ease our transition to Denver.  I managed to hold it together for the most part.  Long enough to tell everyone to go home for the weekend.  Then I sent them an email summary of the changes, and links to new talent builds for their toons.  That’s what I should have done beforehand.  Sigh.

I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but it won’t be for too long.  I end up missing my cat too much after a few days.  I had no idea I would build such an attachment to her.  I kind of wish she was a dog now, so I could take her with me everywhere.  But on second thought, a dog probably wouldn’t survive as my pet.  I love dogs.  It’s just that they’re too submissive to lay across my keyboard and swat me in the face, while screaming, until I feed them.  Unfortunately, that scenario used to be a reality.  Now that I’m being mindful, my relationship with my cat has evolved.  This is probably the biggest reward so far.  She’s got such a sweet disposition, and she makes me laugh often.  I’m missing her already.

I caught a Kakuna (Pokémon Go) in my lap earlier.  That was awesome.  I made a decision while on a Twitter flyby earlier.  I decided that I’m not going to live in fear of being murdered by the police anymore.  If I find myself in a situation where I’m unfairly murdered for having brown skin, then so be it.  I figure it’s an unlikely scenario, because I follow the law, and treat authority with respect by default.  I’m obviously aware that this doesn’t guarantee my safety with the police.  That used to make me feel afraid all the time.  No longer.  Fear is an energy vacuum.  It was having too great an impact on my quality of life.  So I let it go.  Because physics.  Twenty minutes of fear followed by certain death is better than a lifetime of fear followed by certain death.  I’m a creator, not a destroyer.  Life is attracted to me.  That’s good enough.

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