I haven’t been sleeping well for the last few nights. My brain wants to do other things, so I’ve been indulging. The Depression Monster is banging on my door, trying to break in. The weather is supposed to be really nice today, so I’m planning on going on a long run. I’ll break in my new shoes, and make a new playlist. I’ve been watching the weather in Denver for a while now. It’s consistently warmer there. That will be nice, as it’ll allow outdoor running year round. My weight has gone up 5 lbs., finally. I feel a little bit stronger, and I can feel the muscles in my legs rebuilding. It’s a good pain most of the time.
I read something this morning that let the Depression Monster get his foot in the door. A man in Yemen married an 8-year-old, and he murdered her. I refuse to look into further details, as it’s already more than I can take. I’ve seen too much hate and vileness in my life. My first thoughts about the 8-year-old child were that it’s probably a good thing she died, rather than living to endure the wickedness of her “husband”. Death is too often the only mercy. I feel sad and angry that this happened. It makes me want to scream. It makes me want to cease existing in a world too horrible to even comprehend.
I force myself to recognize the goodness in the world. I see it. I know it’s there. I just have a hard time believing that any amount of goodness can balance out the evil. I know intellectually that those who commit such acts do so because they want to do so. They have decided that the consequences of their behaviors either don’t exist in their case, or they don’t care. They aren’t some odd part of humanity with a defect that leads to their extreme misbehavior. They are the same as any other person, only they have decided to do what they want regardless of laws or morality. The only thing separating a good person from an evil person are their choices.
I need to step back from activities related to the news. The news is digital sadism. I’m not fond of ignorance, but in this case, it’s necessary for self preservation. I’m going to focus on my work and my projects. Isolation is my refuge.