I’m Just a Nucular Girl

I saw Star Wars: The Force Awakens.  I loved it.  It was so good.  I laughed several times, and cried twice.  J. J. Abrams pulled it off big time.  If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend it.  I won’t give anything away, of course.  I plan to see it a few more times while it’s still in theaters.  I will be buying it on bluray as well.  The Star Wars merchandise marketing is at an all time high.  Star Wars soup??  In order to discourage such behavior, I’ll only be buying homemade things from Star Wars at Etsy from now on.  I have a lot of items from past splurges, but enough already.  When they sell Star Wars chips, it’s gone too far.

I did buy a Star Wars cup at the theater, but forgot that I could use it to get free refills, and tossed it on my way out.  Oops.  Oh well.  The movie was worth the cost.  I went to the show that began at 10:40 PM.  I ran before I went, so I was pretty relaxed for the movie.  It turned out to be a good strategy for me.  Usually, I want to leave about 40 minutes into a movie at the theater.  My attention span is lower than my ability to be in a crowd.  The theater was so packed that they made us scooch over to free up any empty seats on the ends.  I went alone, as I always do for movies in the theater.  I can’t stand it when people talk to me in the movies.  Going alone prevents that.  I ended up between a group of programmers (could tell by their conversation), and two goofy geeks who made me laugh with their comments before the movie started.  I arrived about 30 minutes early to get a good seat.  I was right in the middle of the theater, yay!

They showed a lot of commercials before the movie started.  The guys on my right were like MST3K with their comments.  I laughed out loud several times because I can’t remember if it’s proper to laugh at strangers while they are sitting beside you or not.  I think it’s okay, because they laughed with me.  We applauded at the end.  I didn’t see a single person who wasn’t wearing at least a Star Wars t-shirt.  I wore one I got on Teefury with Luke and Yoda drawn like Calvin and Hobbes.  And I wore my Adidas Star Wars kicks, and some Levi’s on which I sewed an R2D2 patch on the back pocket.  They announced on the news that we weren’t allowed to wear masks or carry light sabers.  I wasn’t going to, anyway.  My light saber cost $200.  No way I’m going to try and keep track of that for over 2 hours.  At least I remembered my wallet when I left this time.

I don’t like movie theater popcorn.  It’s so greasy and it gets on my hands and face, and is so salty it makes my lips hurt.  The guys on my right offered me some out of the unbelievably huge tub they purchased.  I shook my head and smiled, hoping that would translate to, ‘No, thanks.’  I had my unbelievably large Coke to deal with.  I spilled some on my shirt because they overfilled it, and it was so big I had to tilt it to get a sip from the straw.  The guy on my left gave me a handful of napkins to sop it up.  That was kind of him as I didn’t get any.  I was surprised by the number of people who showed up so close to the time it began.  Seriously? You thought you would get a stadium seat by showing up now? Hell no!  Go sit in the front where the seats don’t tilt back, even though you are so close to the screen you’ll leave with a migraine.  Sheesh.

I know this is South Dakota, and we rarely have to worry about things selling out.  But this is Star Wars!  The first 2 showings did sell out.  I gave away my tickets to the 7PM showing to some boys who wouldn’t have otherwise been able to see it.  I also gave them my Star Wars movies on DVD since I have them on Bluray now.  They hadn’t seen them yet, and I told them they had to watch all of them before going to the new one.  They were so thankful, they made my heart melt.  I knew I’d still get to see it eventually, so it wasn’t a big deal.  But they were tearing up and thanking me over and over.  I’m glad they got to see it first.  They left a message on my machine that they watched all the movies first.  Their Dad watched with them, and took them to the movie.  I gave them 4 tickets, 2 adult, 2 children.  They gave the other adult ticket to their Dad’s friend.  I’m glad it wasn’t wasted.

I love other people’s kids.  So cute.  I can’t make babies, but I don’t think I would be up for the job anyway.  So I’m not upset that my woman parts got fried in the Army.  It was my fault, anyway.  I was in the desert near El Paso on a field problem.  I was a private, and was forced to sleep in a pup tent with my roommate.  I’m terrified of spiders, so we used about 20 cyalume sticks to light up our tent.

I’m still not sure if it was a good idea, as we were sitting in our tent talking when I noticed a black tarantula crawling up the side of the tent right by my roommates face.  In complete horror, I stood up and ran, tent draping over me for the first hundred feet or so, until I whipped it off and kept running.  I ran so far, I got lost.  I’m a distance runner, but when you add adrenaline to the mix, I’m like Florence Griffith-Joyner.  After I managed to calm down a bit, I followed the sound of the generators back to our site.  Unfortunately, I sat down beneath a big ass satellite dish to reorient myself to where my pup tent was supposed to be.  I felt the microwave penetration.  It was a weird sensation of heat from my center that radiated outward.  As I was experiencing this, I remembered the warning we’d been given about getting too close.  I should have sprung up and run away from them at that point.  But instead, I sat there for another few seconds, and then slowly walked away.  I thought my exposure was too minimal to cause any long term damage.  I’m not sure if it was that incident, or another in Aberdeen Proving Grounds, Maryland.  Either way, I’m sterile.

I saw in my medical records at the VA that I was exposed to nuclear chemicals, radiation, and microwaves.  Deep down, I still hope that the combination will still result in my having super hero powers at some point in the near future.  I’d like superhero speed, strength, and a staff of geniuses to invent awesome gadgets to assist in my new crime-fighting career.  I think I’ll call myself Nucular Girl, for personal amusement.  The crime-fighting, giggling at her own name, super heroine.  Yes. That will do.

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