FFS

I still haven’t finished the sites.  I’m close, though.  I’m going to set December 15th as launch day for 2 out of 3.  That’s the day I’ll begin work on the remaining site.  Ironic that PTSD symptoms get in the way of my building the PTSD site.  My winter hyper is setting in.  Being able to remain seated at my desk is getting harder.  I get up a lot.  Too much.  The standing desk didn’t work because of vertigo.  The stationary bicycle didn’t work because it wasn’t natural for me to pedal and work at the same time.  That turned out to be a really poor choice.  Sitting on the floor with a laptop and noise cancelling headphones is semi successful.  The only problem being my cat curling up in my lap, and then when I do get up, she acts put out.

So putting a computer on my kitchen island, and half sitting and walking around a lot is what I’m doing.  I need to run outside.  It’s still snowing.  We accumulated about 10″ so far.  Someone fell and broke her hip today, which has led to my chickening out.  It’s painful not being able to run outside.  It makes me want to cry.  I’m going to go swimming later, to see if that helps this horrible feeling.  I did alright when I played hashtag games.  I even sat still for a bit while laughing.  I’m frustrated, and being so is messing with my ability to find the root cause so I can correct it.

My nephew is coming back this weekend.  He’s going to take me skiing locally if possible.  That will help, even though I mostly ski on my face.  I’m irritating myself because I’m whiney.  Fuck!

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