Reality

I got a job offer in Estonia.  I don’t speak Russian, and I don’t see myself learning Russian in a timely enough manner to take the position.  This was an attractive offer because I like the Russian spirit of brutal honesty.  I like that even their corruption is honest in that they don’t bother to hide it.  They enforce it with brutal violence, and it becomes the way of life.  The Russian people, regardless of how they feel about such a harsh world, go on living their lives.  They’re very fatalistic, too.  I watched a portion of a video of 3 Russians in a car that was submerged in a lake.  They were absolutely going to die from this predicament, and not one of them showed any signs of fear or alarm.  They had a very, “Oh, I’m going to die.  Goodbye”, attitude.  They accepted the inevitable, and didn’t try to change reality by wishing or praying or any other futile method of self deception.  I like that.

It’s a way of thinking with which I can relate.  As an autistic person, I could communicate with people who think that way.  They are honest and accept reality for what it is, as it is.  I can understand them.  Where I live, it’s almost the opposite.  I live in a red state where people are always kind to your face, profess a deep religious faith, and live the lifestyle of an atheist in secret.  When you go online, you find a lot of them on Reddit subforums engaging in orgies of hatred.  You see them on the news getting caught with child pornography on their computers.

I was raised here, but fortunately, I’m autistic,  African American, and I have always been an outsider in this world.  Not everyone here is like what I described above.  But they are the majority.  It’s not hard to live among them, because they are so concerned about how they appear to others, that they don’t spew their hatred publicly.  It’s supposed to be a secret.  The irony is the fact that the people they put forth the most effort to hide it from are the people who are doing similar shady things.

I can walk about town without a single person mistreating me.  It’s not that they respect my basic human right to exist unharmed.  They just don’t want anyone else to see them mistreat me.  I figured this out at a young age, and decided to be amused by it.  I didn’t vote for Obama, but as I stood in line, cursing McCain for partnering with Palin, a lot of people felt the need to tell me they were voting for him.  It was like they thought since I’m black, they were obligated to tell me they were voting for Obama.  I thought it was funny at first.  Then it felt wrong, so I left.  I don’t like it when people feel they have to overcompensate in order to avoid being identified as a racist.  Nothing about that is funny.

I don’t like phoniness or lies.  I don’t like it when people use manipulation in order to try and skew reality, or in an attempt to control another human being.  The fact is that all of these behaviors lead to self loathing.  Anything gained by lying, cheating, or being phony will not present the desired result in the long run.  It will only require you to continue lying, cheating, and being phony in order to convince yourself that your misbehavior was successful or justified.  In the long run, it hurts you far more than those you prey upon with deception.

Right now, I feel a lot of pressure from society to abandon all of my autistic traits, and accept their idea of normality.  I reject this.  I have a solid basis on which I make this decision.  While I don’t expect neurotypical people to conform to my way of thinking, I don’t appreciate their efforts in doing this to me. I’m not ill.  I don’t need some form of a cure that murders some of the traits that make me who I am.  I don’t buy into these subtle ideas of treatment, special diets, and therapies as a means of improving myself.  I see them as an opportunistic way of generating income.

This is why I want a physical world where I can live my life unmolested by these ignorant vultures who think they understand autism.  I want a large acreage where autistic people can live and support one another without the interference of those who are eager to fix what isn’t a problem.  It’s a symptom that some neurotypicals suffer.  A need to make everyone like them.  It’s a pretty primitive mindset.

I’m going to pursue my choice of living in a village where the population is mostly made up of autistic people.  It won’t require people there to be autistic, nor will it shun those who are neurotypical.  It will shun those who refuse to accept us as we are.  They have no place in my world.  I don’t know yet if I will continue living in the USA.  Serving in the Army was a great way to see my country naked.  I love the American people, and I love the land where we live.  But I do not love the corrupted government.  I don’t love the fact that money is the real god here.

When I joined the Army, I was a gung ho, naive patriot by default who thought America was the best country ever.  Now, I look back at that belief with sadness.  I fell for the lies they taught us in school, just as many others do.  The truth is, there is no perfect country.  Every nation has blood on her hands, and has committed atrocities in her history that explain why ‘The Game of Thrones’ is considered entertainment.  Patriotism is another word for ignorance.  It was a painful lesson.

Now that I’m aware of the fact that nationality is irrelevant in the big picture, my views have expanded to include all of humanity.  I don’t care about the color of your skin, your religion, your gender, your sexual identity, or your neurological variety.  I care about your character.  Do you choose to be a loving person because it’s what you want to be?  Than we can connect.  It’s about what you choose, not where you happened to be born, or how you were raised, or how much money is in your pocket.  This is what makes you who you are now, and who you’ll become in the future.  This is the only thing about a person that matters to me.  These are the people I can love, learn from, and live beside.  These are the people I care about, and want in my life.  The rest are on ignore.

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