I was delighted to realize my custom Star Wars Adidas shoes arrived today. They turned out to be better than I was expecting, and also came with a Star Wars pull string bag. Now I just need a Star Wars hat, and I will have a complete Star Wars outfit. I have a black Adidas track suit with a Yoda image on the back of the jacket. It has neon yellow stripes on the arms.
I’ll wear it when I go see the new movie. I was hoping to go to the OTA meeting today. Unfortunately, it sold out before I even heard about it. It made me realize how out of touch I am with my own community. I’ve spent so much time on the east coast with my schooling and research that I’m more familiar with that community. I haven’t done anything to build networks locally since I got my PhD. I guess because I don’t plan on staying. I’m moving to Denver in a year, and have done some networking there with others on the autism spectrum.
Aside from the game series I’m working on, I haven’t followed up on any job offers. I feel kind of bad about this, because I know deep down that the biggest reason is because the very idea of starting a new job with strangers gives me surges of anxiety. It’s hard to recall that at 17, I entered the Army in a different state, where I knew noone. I’m sure I was anxious then too, but that was before I had PTSD. It’s changed me in many ways. I’m not adventurous and daring anymore. I realize that being so young played its part in that, but I can still sense that I’m less ambitious.
I try to keep that in perspective. I’m not less, I’m different. I’m a new me, and that’s okay. My experiences changed me just as they do everyone else. It’s normal. Blahblahblah. So, the new me isn’t even considering moving to Japan to start a new career. I love anime and robotics, but I know how hard it is to move to a different country where you don’t speak the language. I’m not up for that. I’m disappointed in myself for not being up for it, though.
But I’ll get over it. I have a plan, and am putting lots of time into my current projects. That’s one good thing about being aspie. I can hyperfocus easily. I don’t really have an off switch once I get into what I’m doing. I usually only stop to care for my cat, or to attend to my biological needs when I can no longer ignore them. I haven’t had my period in a long time. I can’t remember how long. I know it’s because I got too focused, and didn’t eat enough for a while. I’m starting to gain the weight back now, so it’ll probably return to normal eventually. Not that I miss it.
After that happened, I’ve been doing better with eating. I just need to try harder with having more variety in my diet. I think part of the reason I struggle with this, is because I don’t understand why I can’t eat the same things for every meal every day. I think it should be a good thing. My frequent kidney stones disagree. I did add a new fruit, though. I like mangos now. So there’s that. Oh well, I better get back to being a code monkey.